chosha_sama

The Dirge of WTF

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 07:47:40 GMT

Title: The Dirge of WTF
Chapters: Too many
Genre: Crack. WTF. Fantasy. Shouldneverhavebeenwritten
Warnings: This makes no sense whatsoever
Rating: pretty harmless for now.
Pairings/Characters: Vincent!Hyde, Cloud!Gackt, Cid!Chacha, haven't thought of the others.
Synopsis: Once upon a time, there was a fair princess named Hyde.
Comments: This is the stupidest freaking thing I've ever written. I put it down to being awfully sick and unable to breath properly while playing Dirge of Cerberus, then getting thinking about how Hyde would make a great Vincent...and yeah. Read if you like, but it's goddamned stupid XDDD

The Dirge of WTF

Once upon a time, there was a fair princess named Hyde. What was unknown to the general populace at the time (though it's well known to us now, of course, for we are far more advanced, being so much further forward in time, but that's hardly their fault now, is it?), was that Princess Hyde was, in fact, Prince Hyde. Why did people think he was a princess? Well, who really knows. Those back in time people were rather backwards, after all.

Anyway, one day Prince/ss Hyde (yes, the / is necessary for this story, being that people at the time didn't know any better) was sitting at his window (no, we don't need to constantly put his/her. I'm sure you can figure out, seeing that you're all grown ups, right?) ... where were we. Oh yes. Prince/ss Hyde was sitting at his window, when what did he spy? The fair Gackt, who seemed to unable to tell which gender he was, so who was Prince/ss Hyde to make any judgements? The person was hot, and that's all there was to it. Prince/ss Hyde decided that he absolutely must have the fair Gackt. Even if he did have a stupid name, but somehow that made him all the more endearing. So Prince/ss Hyde decided that it was time to become his secret identity and win the fair Gackt once and for all. And this is how our story began.

***

Prince/ss Hyde put on the finishing touches to his outfit, and looked himself over in the full-length mirror. He was rather good-looking, if he did say so himself. And he did say so, quite frequently.

“I am so good-looking, it must be said.” he said aloud.

“Yes, Your Highness.” the mirror replied, sounding bored, for he heard this sentence at least once and normally nineteen times a day. Prince/ss Hyde was nothing if not self-confident. It probably came from being a Prince/ss. And possibly from always being locked in a room with his toys all day, and they were pretty damned ugly dolls, if one was being honest.

“Still, I think covert means being not noticed, did you know, Your Highness?”

“Yes yes, Mirror, I'm not stupid, but will anyone ever think that I would go out dressed like this? No! So you see, it's the perfect disguise. Even if someone does think it's me, no one will believe them!”

“And what about the fair Gackt? If no one else believes it, he certainly won't. The man is as thick as two short planks, if you ask me.”

“How dare you, insolent Mirror! The fair Gackt is my one true love, and so he will definitely recognise me.”

“How? You've never met him in person before.”

“That's the thing! One always recognises their true love when they see them for the first time. It's like fate rings a bell.”

“You're going to hit him over the head and tell him you're his true love, aren't you.”

“I hate you.”

***

Prince/ss Hyde sneaked out towards the gate, for while no one would know it was him, the guards may well wonder why exactly a caped, gun-wielding man was leaving the castle. Especially since they hadn't let him in. And there's something about caped, gun-wielding men leaving castles when they haven't been let in that tends to get a guard's back up.

“It's very strange,” Prince/ss Hyde mused aloud.

“What is?” squeaked the mice, for everyone, even mice, knew that a Prince/ss can speak to the wild and not so wild animals in their kingdom. However, no one had thought to tell Prince/ss Hyde this, and he promptly ran screaming along the battlements, his red cape billowing enough to draw every bull in the land to him. Which was just as well, for it meant the guards were too busy trying to fight off this sudden bovine invasion to even notice him, and off he went into the town (This invasion would be talked about for generations to come, and lead to many daughters being given the unfortunate name of Bovinia, as the peasants didn't really know what a bovine was, and only knew that some wonderful person named Bovine had distracted the guards from their daily torture rounds long enough for someone to get hold of the timetable so they could make sure they were somewhere that was very much else when the torturers turned up to call).

“Finally, Vincent is free!”

“Vincent? What the ruddy hell sort of name is that then?” asked a hitherto unnoticed peasant sitting in the shade of the castle wall.

“I don't know. What sort of name is peasant?”

“My name isn't peasant, you bloody fool, it's my profession. My name, as it happens, is Cidchacharafflgoomply. But you can call me Cid.”

“Cid? But that sounds like VinCENT, so my name can't be that ridiculous, can it?”

“You know, I hear tell from my cousin that his village has lost their idiot. Could it be that you're him?”

Prince/ss Hyde kicked the peasant named Cid for such insolence and stomped off.

“Hey hey, I was just having a bit of fun with you, no need to take it personal like, is there?” Cid yelled, running after him.

“Why are you following me? I am on an important mission. I must let nothing stand in my way.”

“Yeah? What's that then?”

“I'm off – wait, I'm not telling you! You'd just try to stop me!”

“Why the hell would I do that? Never happen. Old Cidchacharafflgoomply here is just looking for a bit of fun. You look like you'd provide some, being dressed like that and all. 'Ere, is that a gun you've got there? I've heard of those things, but I've never seen one before. Why's it got all those things sticking out then?”

“They're barrels, and you can't touch it” Prince/ss Hyde said, slapping Cid's hands away, “so just go home, ok?”

“It's a free land, I'll do what I like.”

“We'll have to change that then, won't we?” Prince/ss Hyde muttered to himself, pushing his long black hair over his face. It seemed more menacing and mysterious, somehow.

“What'd you do that for? You look like a git now, hair all over yer face, I don't know. Why's a man gotta have long hair anyway? Short hair like mine, that's what the ladies like, let me tell you.”

Prince/ss Hyde looked away from Cid's lecherous grin, suddenly determined to find the fair Gackt as quickly as possible.

“And then you will be mine, O Fair Gackt!”

“Gackt? Why do you want him then?”

“You know the fair Gackt? Tell me more! How? Where is he? Take me to him, I command it!”

“Of course I know him. Sod owes me twenty pieces of silver, not that I expect I'll ever see those again. You see, I once was a minstrel, travelling the land, until that Gackt came along and broke my lute. Never been the same since, and now I must make my way a a peasant, all alone, oh whatever shall I do now, if only someone could find a way to make that good fer nothin' fellow give me what he owes me...”

“I'm not taking you with me. Now tell me where he is.”

“And what's with all this 'I command you' business anyway? Cid does what he wants, when he wants, and that is that.”

“Fine, I'll let you tag along and ask him. Now where is the fair Gackt?”

“One thing first. Why are you calling him the fair Gackt? He's a sod through and through. Nothing fair about that one.”

Prince/ss Hyde stopped, wondering whether he should tell this Cid or not. Bugger it he decided. He could always have the guards dispose of him afterwards (This was something the whole of Prince/ss Hyde's family was very keen on. But not in the normal, 'off with his head' kind of way. They had somehow developed a strange liking for dangling peasants upside by one toe and have the guards tickle the poor souls with a feather until they died of laughter. Strange but true).

“He is my one true love, and it is my mission to find him and bring him back to me.”

Cid stared at Prince/ss Hyde for a moment, then burst into laughter.

“Oh lord, that's the best one I've heard in ... well, ever, to honest with yer.”

“Yes yes, anyway, where is he?”

“You really wanna know?”

“Yes, I really want to know.”

“He's calling himself Cloud these days. Hangs out over at the tavern by the river. Just so as you know, you don't have a chance with him. He's only got eyes for one person, that Gackt.”

Prince/ss Hyde felt his heart break in his chest (which probably isn't actually quite true, but he definitely felt very sad on hearing this).

“Yep, that Princess Hyde is all he ever talks about.”

“ALRIGHT!!” Prince/ss Hyde yelled, then ran off in the direction Cid had been gesturing.

TBC...probably.

The Cold of Night, Chapter Thirteen

Tue, 27 May 2008 05:23:34 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 13/??
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape (not all the time though ^_^;). Language.
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: Such a strange emotion to be feeling in a fight to the death. Irritation. Definitely NOT what I thought I'd be feeling.
Comments: The gaps are getting a little shorter...hur. So there will only be one or two more chapters to this, so we're nearing the end! Yay! Kaoru REALLY wants you guys to cheer him on while he's in his tight spot.

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven // Chapter Eight // Chapter Nine // Chapter Ten // Chapter Eleven // Chapter Twelve

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Thirteen

“Gonna kill me, are you?” Zero grinned as he fought Kaoru off, much to the latter's irritation.

Such a strange emotion to be feeling in a fight to the death. Irritation. Definitely NOT what I thought I'd be feeling.

Kaoru grunted, tried reaching for Zero's knife hand to try and pry it free, but the other man laughed as he flicked the knife to the other hand. Kaoru had a mildly disturbing image of standing between two bullies as they threw some item of his back and forth while he tried to catch it.

Not really the same thing, he thought as he spun just in time to avoid the blade piercing his side.

“You'd better fucking believe it, Zero. Shoulda cleaned this mess up a long time ago.”

“Play nice, Kaoru.” Karyu called out. “It's not nice to describe your opponent as a mess.”

“You're the other half of the mess, Karyu. You better be ready after I'm done here.”

Zero gave a snarl and launched himself forward, his shoulder slamming into Kaoru, knocking him to the floor. Kaoru panted, the breath knocked out of him. The knife fell from Zero's hand, clattering along the floor, but Kaoru barely had time to register this fact before Zero's fist was flying towards his face, and Kaoru could only see stars.

***

Shinya lay staring at the ceiling, a smile refusing to leave his face.

He kissed me. I kissed him. It was GOOD.

He'd never, not once in all his life, been kissed. Not like that. Sometimes some guy would stick his tongue into Shinya's mouth, but not anything that could really be called a kiss. Most of the time they didn't even do that, for which Shinya was quite thankful. More often than not they reeked of alcohol and tasted even worse. His fingers tightened around Die's, and his smile grew wider when the red-haired man pulled him closer. His eyes drifted closed, and he found his mind wandering, thinking of the others, wondering what could be going on. Kaoru, out finding information. Hizumi and Tsukasa, off somewhere else with Kyo. Even Toshiya, that strange man he had met just once, who used to be friends with them all but seemed to all but disappeared from the group. He imagined what could have happened to split apart was must have been a strong friendship. It must have been a strong one, for the other three to have stayed together so long, to have spent so many years searching for him. It seemed everything that had happened was catching up on him though. All he could think of was strange kings, Toshiya being the only one to choose the fallen king. And dragons.

Die on a dragon would be something to see. Though I would hope that he wouldn't get burnt to death.

“What's so funny?”

Shinya's eyes flew open to see Die peering down at him, looking somewhat amused.

“I was hoping you wouldn't get burnt by a dragon.”

Die's somewhat amused look mixed with a definite confused one.

“Do I even want to know what is going on in that head of yours? I think we can be fairly certain that of all the things that could potentially happen to me in my life, getting burnt by a dragon is not likely to be one of them. And I'm not too sure why the thought of me getting burnt by a dragon is so funny.”

“No, no!” Shinya exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. “Getting burnt by a dragon isn't funny!”

“No, I imagine it would be rather painful.” Die said wryly.

“No, I mean that's not what I was laughing at. I was thinking of you dressed up like a knight, riding a dragon. I know, I'm tired and my mind is going down strange paths. But you did look ... quite ... um.”

He looked away, suddenly shy.

“Shin? You ok?”

“Yeah, I just. Um. Is there food here?”

Die looked mortified.

“Shit, Shinya. I'm sorry. I got so carried away with having you here that I forgot that you might be hungry. I'm so sorry. What would you like? I'm afraid most of it is dried food that can last a long time, but there might be some cans of something.”

“Cup noodles will be good, if you have them?”

“Yeah, I think the cupboards here are stocked with not a lot else. Kaoru decided it wouldn't be a good idea for me to try cooking too much in here. Kyo agreed. I don't really know what they meant by that. Well, Kyo thinks no one else but him can cook, no matter who they are or how many awards they might have won. It was probably Kyo that started it, now that I'm thinking about it, rather than Kaoru, since Kao never really gives much of a shit about anything, really.”

Shinya watched as Die chattered away in the little kitchen, a new wave of affection surging through him. Somehow, this little room here made him feel more welcome than he ever had before. No, not the room. Die in this room. It seemed to have melted away the tension that had been with him ever since Shinya had been with him. Whether it was the situation or not, Shinya was glad. He sat, and smiled, and watched.

***

Hizumi clung to Tsukasa's hand as Kyo sped through the streets. They'd tried asking where they were going, where Shinya was, what was going on, but all they got in reply was grunts.

“Hizumi ... do you think we're going to be ok? Do you think Shinya will be safe?”

“We'll be fine, Tsukasa. I know we will be. And Shinya will be safe. That guy he's with, Andou-san ... I don't know how much we could trust him, but ...”

“I thought you said he could be just as dangerous.”

“He could be-”

“Die? Dangerous?” Kyo interrupted, his shoulders shaking in laughter. “Die is about the most harmless, and in many ways naïve person you will ever have the good fortune to meet. I know he can come across as an uncaring bastard, but that's just because he likes to think things through before he does anything. He'd rather have people thinking he doesn't care than make a wrong decision. And I'm not just saying that because he's my friend. He really is like that. And he cares about Shinya, and by extension, anyone close to Shinya. You couldn't be safer, having someone like Die protecting you. Believe me on that.”

“Then why won't you tell us what's going on?” Tsukasa demanded.

“Because if you know, it could be dangerous not just for you, but for Shinya, too. The less people who are involved, the better.”

“In case you hadn't noticed, dipshit, we're already involved.”

Hizumi gaped at Tsukasa.

“That's a really nice way to speak to the person who is guarding your arse, you know that?” Kyo said, his voice completely flat.

“Tsukasa, I really don't think you should be saying things like that-”

“No, Hizumi! I'm getting sick of this! I saw you nearly die” Tsukasa's eyes threatened to overflow when he said this, and he scrubbed furiously at them, “and from what I can tell I might have to see it again! Shinya is in even more danger! And I don't even know why. How can I help protect you if I don't know what I'm protecting you from?”

There was silence from all three of the men in the car, the only sound the steady whir of the tyres on the road.

“I must admit, I never thought of it from that point of view.” Kyo said, his voice steady. “And guess what. Now you're gonna get to see what I darkly suspect is the reason for all this bullshit.”

The car swerved, tyres squealing as cars in the next lane slammed on their brakes, Kyo seeming to not even notice. The car spun until it was facing the other way, and Kyo stamped on the accelerator, the car fishtailing slightly before regaining traction and speeding off.

“What the hell are you doing?” Hizumi yelled, grabbing hold of Tsukasa. Kyo ignored them, instead pulling out his cellphone, further adding to Hizumi's fear as he watched the blond man drive at high speed with one hand, not seeming to be really paying attention to where he was going.

“Fuck! Answer your fucking phone you useless bastard!” Kyo yelled, snapping the phone shut then opening it and trying again. This time he seemed to have more luck.

“Guess who I just drove past. No. No. Fucking Toshiya. Yeah, I'm following him now. I don't see how he can't know, I cut off half of the city's traffic turning to keep him in sight. Yeah, they are. No, I don't fucking have time to take them there! I'm following Toshiya, and I'm getting to the bottom of this. I can't get hold of Kaoru. Yeah, you keep trying. I'll make sure they're ok, Die. Tell Shinya he doesn't need to worry. In fact, don't tell him what I'm doing at all. He doesn't need to know. Yeah. Bye.”

Hizumi and Tsukasa stared at each other, wide-eyed and scared. It suddenly hit Hizumi now that this was real, that Shinya, Tsukasa, were in real danger.

And I'm useless. I can't help at all.

***

Kaoru lifted his arms to fend off the blows from Zero, managing to get an elbow up enough to hold one of the man's arms. He shoved with all his strength, Zero rolling off and springing to his feet just as Kaoru staggered upright. He could feel one eye swelling, closing almost shut already, the blood streaming down. Zero smirked again.

“Not such a pretty boy at the moment, are you Kaoru?”

“You were always the pretty boy, Zero. I'm the man, remember?”

He heard a loud laugh come from the corner of the kitchen. Zero's face darkened, and he turned his attention away from Kaoru, to Karyu. “Don't you dare fucking laugh, Karyu.” Kaoru took his chance. He leapt forward, wrapping his arms around Zero in a tackle, slamming the other man into the wall, hearing the dull thud as skull met wood. The body in his arms went slack, but Kaoru didn't dare let go of his hold. He knew Zero better than that. He pulled his leg back before driving it forward into the man's stomach, feeling a perverse pleasure at the sound of the air being forcibly expelled from Zero's lungs. He felt him gasping, his hands lifting to scrabble at Kaoru, but there was little strength there. Even so, Kaoru didn't relent, instead shifting until he had Zero's wrists held in one of his hands, the other arm pressed hard against Zero's throat. He grinned at the look of agony on Zero's face. Kaoru was triumphant again.

“And just like that, the tide can turn.”

Kaoru froze, the cold caress of the forgotten knife feathering across his cheek. Karyu's voice whispered softly into Kaoru's ear.

“Now. Let my Zero go. Nice and slowly KaoKao, or Mr Kaoru face gets cut up a little more.”

Kaoru slowly released Zero, giving a slight shove into his throat before he let go entirely. Zero sagged, his strings cut, coughing.

“Now. Go sit at the table. Starting now we're all going to use our good boy manners.”

Kaoru moved, sitting in the seat Karyu had gestured at. His good eye flicked back and forth between the man with the knife and the man still doubled up against the wall, fighting for breath. A certain smugness filled Kaoru, despite the situation.

“Even with very little practice since we ... parted ways,” he said the words with a sneer, “I can still kick your arse, Zero.”

“Fuck ... you.” Zero wheezed.

“Now now, I do believe I asked you to use your good boy manners. Don't make me tell you.”

Kaoru wondered what had happened with the two of them. They'd never been the most stable of people, but they were never like this before. Maybe without his own influence they'd really gone crazy.

Or maybe you used to be like this too, but you never noticed.

He chose to ignore the voice, pushing it to the back of his mind. He feared that perhaps it was speaking the truth, and he really once was this ruthless.

How else would you be able to trade on your hard-won reputation?

He kicked that thought back with its friend. He watched as Karyu came and sat opposite him.

“Now Kaoru. I don't like this any more than you do. But it has to be done, since you've chosen to side with the enemy. I never thought you'd ever be on anyone's side but ours, but life takes funny turns sometimes, doesn't it?”

Kaoru remained silent, wondering exactly where this was going.

“Zero, come and sit with me. We should at least try to work a few things out before we kill him. I know you have some things you'd like to get off your chest while he's still alive.”

Zero grunted, but walked to sit next to Karyu. Kaoru reached up, gingerly touching his eye, not at all surprised to find his fingers covered in blood when he pulled them away. That was going to take some fixing later. If he could get out of here. He realised his mistake only after Zero had grabbed his hand, pinning it to the table just in time for Karyu to drive the knife through it. He let out a scream before clamping his teeth together, refusing to give them the satisfaction of hearing his pain, no matter how unbearable it was. He couldn't look away from the sight of the knife sticking out of the table, a surprisingly small amount of blood leaking out onto his skin. His fingers were spread flat, except for the one Zero was lifting and stroking.

“Can I, Karyu? I think it would be fun.”

“Of course you can.” Karyu smiled down at Zero like an indulgent mother, and Zero beamed. He pulled Kaoru's finger back slowly, further and further. His grip on it was so gentle that Kaoru couldn't believe that Zero was really about to do it. Without losing his look of delight, Zero seized the finger and snapped it right back, and Kaoru could feel the tendons snapping, the finger popping out of its socket. His other hand shot forward, trying to free its trapped partner. Karyu grabbed it and slammed it to the bench, making tutting noises.

“No, KaoKao. It's Zero's turn to have fun. You've had your time. And he's still got at least nine more to go. He might move onto your toes next. Depends on how he's feeling by the end.”

Kaoru's mind worked frantically to find a way out of here. He was down one eye. Down one hand. And still had two opponents. For the first time in as long as he could remember, Kaoru found himself praying. To anyone that would listen, he prayed for a way out of here, not for himself, but for the others. If he failed here, they were as good as dead. There was only so much Kyo could do. He had no experience in this sort of thing. And Die ... Die was as good as useless. So Kaoru knew. If he died, they all did. The dizziness was catching up with him, and he shook his head. He could hear music now, which couldn't be a good sign.

“Oh for fuck's sake. It's always when you're busy, or having dinner.” Karyu stood, and dug his phone out of his pocket. Kaoru blinked.

Not music. Ring tone.

“Yes? Why are you calling me. What do you mean, you're being followed. I thought I told you to keep a low profile? Prancing around dressed like a tart is NOT keeping a low profile. Fine. I'll come now. Where are you headed? I'll meet you there.” He finished the call, and calmly put the phone back into his pocket.

“FUUUUUUCK. I swear, Zero, this is the last time I'm letting you chose a client, I don't give a shit how much you say they'll pay. That was your Toshiya. Seems he can't follow simple instructions, and now that fucking cook is tailing him. So I have to go bail him out. I hope I can leave you to finish things, Zero?”

Zero's eyes never left Kaoru's. He merely nodded, and began stroking the next finger.

“I hope you've said everything you want to to that short bastard. He's as dead as you are.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

That's All I Want

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 09:26:24 GMT

Title: That's All I Want
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: Angst/fluff/randomness
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya
Synopsis: I never meant to fall for him. It was certainly not anything I had intended, or expected, or wanted. But it happened all the same.
Comments: Ok, so I remember starting this for a challenge, but I'm damned if I can remember what the challenge was or what it was for or ANYTHING like that, but I thought it deserved to be finished since I'm finishing off all my other DxS's XD; The end is probably a little weak, but I hope you enjoy the rest of it =D

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

That's All I Want

I never meant to fall for him. It was certainly not anything I had intended, or expected, or wanted. But it happened all the same.

I am Die. He is Shinya. He is perfect to me He is my everything, my always and forever. He just laughs whenever I tell him this, but I mean it. Every single time. I mean it even more than the words suggest. Mere words cannot express how much I love him, how much I need him. Love is for normal people, not for someone as stunning as he is. I feel like I'm going to burst every time I see him, which is funny, because I've never felt like this in my entire life.

Everything about it is wrong. He's my band mate. He's too young. He's a man for gods' sake. And I don't care about any of that. I don't care what other people would say. I don't care what they think. Which is rather a change from my normal way of looking at things. Because, let's be honest. I've never been the most stable of people, have I?

But he doesn't know, no matter how much I tell him. Or maybe he does, and he's just pretending not to notice to avoid hurting my feelings. Thinking that leaves me with a strange feeling, one made up of hurt because he can't see me like that, and love because he could still be so considerate of me. I hate that feeling. It makes me feel sick.

It's an odd sort of depression to fall into, really. I have days where I can find myself walking along a bridge and look down, over the edge, and see how easy it would be to just let go. But all I can think of is him, and what it would do, and I can't do it. No matter what, he's always the one that I want to look after, the one that I would never do anything to hurt. And then before I know it I'm so happy, beyond all reason, just because I've thought of him.

I turn, and suddenly he's behind me, his eyes full of amusement as he pushes me down.

“I know, Die,” he whispers, his lips tickling my ear, they're so close. “Fly with me,” he continues and even as his hands dip below my belt we are beginning to float upwards.

“Fly with me, Die....”

***

“Die? Wake up.” I blinked, not realising that I had even dropped off. Kaoru was looking at me with an amused expression on his face. I lifted my hand to wipe away the thin line of drool that had fallen from my mouth, turning my head in embarrassment. I blinked a few more times, trying to get my eyes back into focus.

“Should I even ask what you were dreaming about? You were making some pretty interesting noises.” Kaoru asked, grinning openly now.

“No. You don't wanna know.”

“Now I have to know. You can't say something like that and expect me to drop it.”

“Trust me, Kaoru.”

“You've got a boner.”

My head snapped down to look at where Kaoru was pointing, a look of horror and more embarrassment already forming on my face when I realised Kaoru was just winding me up and I'd just given him exactly what he was looking for.

“Well, now I know what, if not who,” he teased, his laughter growing.

Have I mentioned that I hate Kaoru sometimes?

“You're a bastard, you know that?”

“Me? I'm not the one who was trying to hump my friend's furniture in my sleep, thankyouverymuch.”

“I was not trying to hump your furniture.”

“If I had've left you asleep you probably would have.”

“Arsehole.”

“Wanker.”

I stretched my arms over my head, working out the kinks from my unintended nap.

“How are you doing?” he asked, face suddenly serious.

“I'm ok.” I screwed up my face, hoping that Kaoru would take the hint and drop the subject before he really picked it up. I was fairly certain it was a futile gesture.

“Are you sure?”

“You're so bloody bipolar, teasing me one minute then all concerned about my welfare the next.”

“Look who's talking.”

“Screw you.”

“Sorry, don't swing that way.”

“That's a lame phrase, you know that?”

“I mean it, Die. I worry about you. We all do. If you'd just tell someone what's wrong -”

“There's nothing wrong!” I snapped, shoving myself to my feet. “I'm going out.”

“Jesus, Die!” Kaoru said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “I'm only trying to help!”

“Well don't. I didn't ask for it, and I don't need it.”

I felt bad, slamming the door behind me, but I had to get out of there before I went crazy. It wasn't Kaoru's fault. I knew he was only trying to help, but there was nothing he could do, so I just wanted people to leave it.

“Fuck!” I yelled, listening to my voice echo and bounce as I made my way down the stairs. I thought yelling might make me feel better. Apparently not.

I was fairly certain the rest of the band was getting pissed off with my moodiness. It made me feel like a right prat, but there was really very little I could do about it. I wondered if the dream I was having when Kaoru woke me had something to say about the matter.

“As if. I don't love Shinya.” I muttered to myself, but I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe my subconscious had a better handle on things than I did.

***

Five weeks later. I sort of lost track of what I was doing over that time. Probably more of the same. Dreaming strange dreams. Arguing with people for the sake of arguing. Being as awful as possible to the people who actually care about me just so they'd leave me alone. I was standing outside, having a cigarette in the rain during a break in practice. I heard the door open and pushed myself further into the corner, shielding the red tip of my cigarette in the hopes that whoever it was wouldn't see me and would go back in.

“What are you still doing out here? We're starting again, you know.”

The tone was a lot softer than the words, taking any sting out of them. Shinya's always like that.

“I'll be there in a second. Go back in before you get cold.”

“You're too skinny, Die. Are you trying to lose weight again?”

Shinya's always like that too. Cuts right to the chase, as it were.

“I'm not too skinny, and I'm not losing weight.”

“Yes you are. I can count your ribs.”

“Yeah, well I can count yours too, you know.”

Shinya just looked at me, a look that told me that he quite plainly thought I was stupid but he wasn't going to call me on it.

“You and I have very different body types, Die, and with the amount of beer you drink -”

“Yes yes, I'm an alcoholic, everyone tells me so you don't need to join in, Shinya.” I said, trying my damnedest to get him to leave. I used what I thought was my most withering tone of voice, but it seemed to just slide straight off him.

“I'm just saying that beer tends to make you put on weight but you seem to still be losing it. Are you eating?”

“Of course I'm eating! What is this? Twenty questions?”

Shinya gave me another look, this time a piercing look as though he thought if he stared hard enough he'd be able to read my mind. I got the distinct feeling that if he looked hard enough, he would be able to.

“Can I have a cigarette?”

I nearly choked on my own one, I was so shocked at that question.

“Shin, you don't smoke.”

“I know. But can I have one anyway?”

“No. I'm not letting you take up smoking.”

“I didn't say I wanted a lit one. Just give me a cigarette.”

I looked at him in confusion, and felt my hands moving almost of their own accord towards my pocket, pulling the pack out. I had just gotten it open when Shinya's hand shot out and grabbed the entire packet out of my hand, crushing it between his fingers and throwing it into the deepest puddle he could see.

“What the fuck, Shinya! What the hell did you do that for?”

Shinya just shrugged, watching as the cardboard filled with water and the cigarettes themselves made a break from their prison and floated forlornly to the surface before becoming waterlogged themselves and sank back down. I watched as my crutch disappeared, and overwhelming numbness filling me as I realised it was Shinya who had done this, who had been so needlessly cruel. As I realised that my dreams were true, that it was Shinya that I had been pining over because why else would it cause me such heartache?

“What's more important to you, Die? Your cigarettes or your friends?”

“What?” I asked, entirely confused by this point.

“Kaoru's been telling us how you show up at his place, sleep on his couch, rant at him and then leave. Why?”

I remained silent, only because I had no idea how to answer. How could I explain that I went to feel human contact, but whenever I got there it was the last thing I wanted? It sounded stupid, even to me.

“Why don't you talk to me anymore?”

Shinya's voice sounded so small, so quiet. I was suddenly painfully aware of how much I had been pushing him away, how little contact I had allowed myself to have with him. It had never occurred to me that maybe I would be hurting him.

“Oh shit, Shin. I didn't mean to...” I trailed off, not sure what I was wanting to say. I felt awkward, uncomfortable. It was gradually dawning on my that yes, I had fallen for my friend. For my male friend. Did that make me gay? Or was it something different? I'd never...

“Die?”

I shook my head, clearing my mind.

“What's the matter? You looked like you've seen a ghost.”

“Ghost? No. I've just come to a surprising realisation.”

“You have? And what's that?”

Shinya sounded curious, and a little worried. I couldn't help but smile a little, even as my own fear was rising. I already knew what I was going to say, knew the likely effect but I knew I had to do it anyway. I opened my mouth, only to find that the words had failed me. I stood there, almost choking on my own tongue while Shinya gaped at me.

“If you don't want to tell me Die, you don't have to” he said, concern on his face, and it seemed that was all I needed.

“No, it's not that. I was just having trouble starting. You see, Shinya, the thing is ... I think I'm probably gay.”

“Oh!” Shinya sounded more than a little surprised. “Um. Congratulations?” he asked, a truly bewildered look on his face. I burst out laughing, unable to control it. His face lost it's look, and he began to look concerned again.

“Die, are you ok?” he asked, reaching an arm up and then dropping it back to his side.

“Yeah, sorry,” I said, wiping my eyes. “Your reaction. It just wasn't quite what I had expected.”

“Oh. Yeah...” was all Shinya managed before his face broke into a smile. “Sorry.” he added, his smile faltering. “It's just ... I ...”

“It's ok, Shinya,” I answered. I knew it would probably come as a more than small shock to him, and probably I shouldn't have been telling him like this, but it was like there was something compelling me to tell him. I felt lightheaded, giddy maybe. Whatever the reason, I was finding myself telling him all of this. I knew there was a good chance I would regret it, but I couldn't stop myself.

“I think I started to know when I began having dreams.” I said, trailing off a little to see how he would react. He didn't seem to be getting too weirded out, so I opened my mouth to continue. He beat me to it though.

“About who?”

That threw me a little. I wasn't sure I could answer that particular question.

“Who? I – that is ... well, no one, really.”

“It's ok. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.”

Something happened. I wasn't sure if it was something in his voice or whether it was a momentary brain malfunction, but I did something that some might call incredibly stupid.

“You.”

“What?”

“It was you I was dreaming of.”

“Me?” Shinya looked at me in confusion. “Are you saying I turned you gay?”

I blinked at him, not really knowing how to answer.

“I don't know what I should say to that, Shinya. But I suppose that dreaming of you was what made me realise I was perhaps attracted to males. It's what made me realise I have slowly been falling for you.”

Shinya grew pale, and I knew I'd gone too far. But it was too late. I couldn't take it back. Suddenly it was as though the strings that had been manipulating my mood had been cut, and reality came crashing down. I looked at Shinya, seeing what I had done. I had no right to spring it on him like this. Really, I had no right to tell him at all. I looked at his face, devoid of colour as it was, as he backed up. He didn't say anything as he turned and made his way back to the practice room.

***

I had thought that telling Shinya would backfire, and it did. Two weeks had gone by since I had confessed to him, and he had barely even looked at me, let alone actually spoken to me. I tipped my head back so my neck was bent over the edge of the couch and everything turned upside down. A hairy face appeared before me, and I screwed my eyes up to try and banish the image.

“Die.”

I wondered if I wished hard enough if it would make him not be there.

“Die.”

No such luck.

“Die.”

“What.”

“Would you get off my couch and go home? Seriously.”

“Do I have to?”

“YES! You know I got my own place so I could get some privacy, don't you? I can't really do that if you're over here all the time.”

I stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out just how serious he was.

“Awww, does Kaoru have a girlfriend?”

“Get out, Die.”

I huffed, hauling myself up and onto my feet.

“You're no fun, you know?”

“Yes, I know. Now go home. Or go out with Toshiya. Or whatever. Something that isn't here, just for five minutes.”

He probably had a point. I had been more or less living at his house since I had told Shinya. I didn't know why. It might have been because Kaoru was sort of the strong, stable one. And since I quite plainly had no idea what the hell I was doing, surrounding myself with strong, stable types seemed to be as good an idea as any.

Though, given my track record over the preceding few weeks, that probably wasn't saying much.

***

I'd been having more dreams again. Only they were getting more ... explicit, shall we say? It was driving me crazy. A month and a half since I had told him, a month and a half of dreams that were getting progressively worse. I could barely stand to even look at him anymore, because everything he did, every movement he made reminded me of something I had dreamt about. So I focused as much as I could on my playing while we were at practice, and steered well clear of him the rest of the time. The others even commented on my dedication, my lack of partying and the effort I was obviously putting into playing.

If only they had known.

I packed my gear up early – as usual – one night, and made my way out the door in rather a hurry. Kaoru had given me a dirty look, and one or two dirty words as I left. It was only a few weeks until we left for America, for the Family Values tour, and we really should have been practicing. But we were having enough shows here in Japan, so I figured it really wouldn't hurt. I was most of the way home when I realised I had left my cellphone behind. I swore, turning the car around and heading back.

I really, really wished I hadn't done that.

I pulled up into the car park, walked my way around the building. I let myself in and walked down the corridor to the practice room. It wasn't until I got close that I noticed that the lights were still on. I figured that Kaoru must have decided to stay on a bit. It hadn't been that long since I'd left, but normally everyone else would leave too.

“Hey, Kaoru, I left my cellphone here...”

I trailed off when I saw them. Shinya was sitting next to Kaoru. But even that wasn't so bad. The fact that Kaoru had his arms around Shinya ... that was what bothered me a bit more.

“Die!”

Shinya sat up, his startlement plain. But I didn't really care.

“You know, you should have told me, Shinya. I would have understood.”

I turned around and left.

***

Travelling on a plane next to someone you're not talking to is an interesting experience, let me tell you. Hours and hours and hours of being quite horribly, painfully aware of the other person. And seeing that person turn every few minutes, opening his mouth to say something, only to change his mind.

“Die, I wanna sit next to Shinya. Swap with me.”

I glanced up to see Toshiya staring down at me. To be honest, I was kind of glad for the break. I nodded and got out of my seat, stealing one last glance at Shinya out of the corner of my eye. I watched as Toshiya sat and immediately leaned closer to Shinya, their heads pressed together in conversation. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, but Shinya had already made it plain that I wasn't ever going to be in his life. Not how I'd wanted to be. I took Toshiya's seat, between Kyo and Kaoru. Didn't really want to be there, either.

“It's not what you're thinking, you know.”

I turned to look at Kaoru. He wasn't looking at me. In fact, he hadn't even stopped reading his magazine.

“And what am I thinking, Kaoru?”

“That Shinya and I have something going on.”

“Now why would I think that. Just because I found you both all cuddled up after practice, nice and cosy.”

I felt Kyo shift in his seat, suddenly interested in this conversation.

“I understand why you would think that. But believe me, you're wrong. Fuck Die, do you really think I'd go for someone like Shinya? I mean, he's great and all, but is sort of lacking in a couple of the things I like. If you get what I mean.”

“You're not into him?”

“No, I'm not fucking into him. Thought you of all people would have known that. See what happens when you bottle things up, jump to conclusions, get paranoid?”

Suddenly I felt very, very stupid. Of course Kaoru wouldn't be doing that. Not with a guy. Not with Shinya.

What the hell was I thinking?

“What you said to him shocked him.”

Oh shit. I hadn't thought of that possibility. That Kaoru knew, I mean.

“What shocks him more is that now he can't stop thinking about you.”

I gaped at Kaoru. Next to me I could feel Kyo doing the same, though thankfully he was still remaining silent. I suppose this was much better than any movie, and he had no intention of ruining it.

“I think you should go for it. Both of you.”

“You are still Kaoru, right?”

“Yeah yeah, I know. But having you two acting like this is probably worse for the band than anything else could be. So ... you go for it.”

I sat back in my seat.

“Did you send Toshiya up there?”

“Yeah. You can go back now. I've gotten used to you not hanging around me. Lets keep it that way a little longer, huh?”

I got up and walked back to my seat and stood over Toshiya.

“Totchi, I want to sit next to Shinya again.”

Toshiya gave me one of his sly looks, but got up without a word. I sat down and stared straight ahead. Relaxing was sort of difficult, but I took a breath and decided to start.

“I'm sorry, Shinya. I really shouldn't have said the things I said, or done the things I did. It wasn't fair of me.”

“You're right. It wasn't. But I shouldn't have run away from it, either. So I'm sorry too.”

“Shinya?” My mouth began to dry out, and I couldn't quite form the words I wanted to say. Shinya turned to look at me, but he didn't say anything.

“Um. If it's ok, if you don't mind, and it's quite alright if you do mind, you just need to tell me, but if I could -”

“Die, just get to the point.”

“Um. Yeah. Would I be able to hold your hand? Just a little.”

There was silence for a long, long few seconds, and I stayed staring straight ahead, my eyes boring a hole in the wall in front of me. But then my hand was tickled, warmed, and I looked down to see Shinya's hand edging towards mine, his fingertips brushing over the back of my hand. I looked at him for the first time in – actually, I don't know how long it had been since I'd properly looked at him. His fingers tightened around mine, oh so briefly, and then he pulled his arm back, hands back in his lap. He smiled.

That's all I want.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Twelve

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 05:58:37 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 12/??
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: The car sped through the streets, Kyo seeming to be in complete control. Everyone remained silent, the tension palpable. Shinya still wasn't sure what he should think. About this, about Die, about remembering Kaoru ... about anything. He stared at the back of Die's head, but the red head still faced straight ahead, not one muscle moving.
Comments: HOLY SHIT IT'S BEEN NEARLY A YEAR SINCE I UPDATED THIS. I really wouldn't be surprised if NO ONE remembers this. Though I hope you do XD;; With any luck I'll actually get this finished in a decent amount of time, since my muse has ~~finally~~ returned, seemingly for good, so I'll be able to finish off the other half-done ones as well. But yeah, enough rambling XD; HOPE THIS IS STILL ENJOYED =D

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven // Chapter Eight // Chapter Nine // Chapter Ten // Chapter Eleven

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Twelve

The car sped through the streets, Kyo seeming to be in complete control. Everyone remained silent, the tension palpable. Shinya still wasn't sure what he should think. About this, about Die, about remembering Kaoru ... about anything. He stared at the back of Die's head, but the red head still faced straight ahead, not one muscle moving.

He may as well be a statue sitting there, not a person.

He quickly glanced to the side, only to see Hizumi and Tsukasa clinging to each other's hands. Jealously began to grow, but he stamped it down as much as he could.

“Where are we going?” he asked, more to break the silence than anything.

“Somewhere safe.” was the terse reply, Kyo appearing to not want to divert any attention from his driving.

“Are we safe yet?” Die asked quietly.

“Yeah, I think so.” Kyo answered

“We going where I think we are?”

“Yeah.”

“It's sorted then?”

“Yeah.”

Shinya watched the exchange. He opened his mouth to try to speak once or twice, but the set of both men's shoulders left him feeling that perhaps he shouldn't. He was beginning to feel rather like the proverbial third wheel.

Fifth in this case...

“Shinya, are you ok?” Tsukasa whispered, an odd look on his face.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Why?”

“You look ... well, you look sort of strange. Has something happened?”

“No...” he responded, but he couldn't help but stare more at Die as he said this, Tsukasa's expression changing to one of sudden realisation. Shinya was glad his friend didn't say more. He watched Die a little longer, trying to think of something to say to him. Anything, and he didn't care what the answer would be. He found himself just wanting to hear Die's voice.

“Die, where is Kaoru? What is he doing?”

Die stiffened even more, though Shinya hadn't thought that possible. He sat for a little longer like that, then turned in his seat to face the blond.

“Why do you remember Kaoru? Of all people, why him?”

Shinya's mouth dropped open in confusion.

“I – I don't know. I just suddenly did.”

Die stayed where he was, his expression unreadable.

“Die? What's happening?”

“I don't know.” he answered, his face softening a little. “But that's what Kaoru is going to find out.”

***

Kaoru backed up slowly, trying to keep an eye on each of the men who approached him. Zero had a small smile playing on his face, while Karyu looked almost bored. For some reason that irked Kaoru.

How dare he look bored while I'm here!

“Why are you moving away, Kaoru? You wouldn't be scared of us, would you?” Zero said, his grin growing wider.

“It's two on one, Zero. Have to give us some room to move, don't I. Wouldn't be fair on you two otherwise.”

“Ah, Kaoru. Ever the cocky bastard. Nice to see you haven't changed. But guess what. We have.” Zero snarled the last sentence, pulling a knife from god-only-knew where. Kaoru laughed.

“A knife? Zero, is there ever a time you haven't immediately leapt to that as your weapon of choice? And has there ever been a time I haven't completely wiped the floor with you even when you've had one?” His eyes flicked towards Karyu, the other man now leaning against the table and watching with interest.

“Guess what though, Kaoru. Zero's actually gotten good now.”

“Hey! Watch what you say, Karyu. I won't let you have your way with me if you keep up like that.”

“Yes, yes, continue with the gay jokes, Zero. I know I'm still laughing.”

Kaoru watched the exchange with interest, wondering what exactly that was all about.

“That's what you lot do though, isn't it? All have one big gay time together?” Zero continued, though directing his speech back at Kaoru.

“I really have no idea what you're talking about Zero. Has he finally lost his mind completely, Karyu?”

“Can't really argue with you there, Kaoru. You know it's true, Zero.”

Kaoru was baffled. It seemed as though Karyu was trying to pick a fight with Zero, and from the looks of things Zero seemed to be wanting to go right for it. Maybe he would have a bigger chance after all...

“But hey, you know what, Kaoru? Zero may be a bit strange at the moment, but it's not gonna make you any less dead.”

There goes that idea...

Kaoru stopped his slow retreat back. He'd backed himself into a corner, no two ways about it, and it seemed that Karyu and Zero were determined to finish him off once and for all. He had to fight. And he had to win if he was to have any chance of helping to save Shinya.

“Fine, Karyu. Why don't you two show me what you've got.”

***

The car pulled up in front of a completely nondescript building. Hizumi tried to figure out exactly where they were, but this was a place he didn't think he'd ever been before. He glanced down at his hand, the one that was enfolded in Tsukasa's, and had to suppress and almost manic giggle and butterflies threatened to sweep him away entirely. This was a dangerous situation, he knew it. He'd already nearly died, and these two men in front of them seemed to think that it could happen again, and somehow he just couldn't bring himself to feel scared about it.

Tsukasa loves me he thought in wonder for what must have been the millionth time, and his fingers tightened around the other man's hand.

“Hizumi?” Tsukasa whispered, breaking him out of his reverie. “That guy in the front, the one who's not that Kyo guy who got us from the hospital. Do you recognise him?” He leaned in close to Hizumi as they were getting out of the car, Kyo the first to get out, coming around to speak to Die.

“The red haired guy?” Hizumi asked, taking a closer look. “That's Die, right? I heard Shinya say his name.”

“That's the one. Do you know him?”

Hizumi watched the man as he spoke to Kyo, and memory came flooding back.

“Yes. Yes I do. That's Andou Daisuke, isn't it?”

“I don't know. I mean, that's what they called him at the hospital, Andou-sama, but I don't know him. Though he looks familiar.”

“He should. There's not a person of influence in the whole of Tokyo – no, the whole of Japan that doesn't know the Andou family.”

“Who are they? Apparently he owns that hospital that you were in, so I get that he must be rich, but that's it. Is he who you thought he was? When we checked where Shinya was? Is that him? I know he's the one who came and bought Shinya, but...”

“Yes, that's him. He's beyond just rich. He has more money than you can ever imagine. He has even more power than that. To the point that I don't know what's more dangerous: staying with him, or taking our chances by ourselves.”

“If he's as powerful as you say, then surely we would be better off with him, wouldn't we?”

“The problem with power, Tsukasa, is that it inevitably warps whoever has it.”

“What are you two whispering about?”

Hizumi spun around, surprised to see that Shinya had sneaked up on them so quietly.

“Just wondering what exactly is going on here.” Tsukasa answered.

“I wish I knew that, too.” Shinya said, his gaze falling back onto Die as he and the shorter blond approached.

“Hizumi, Tsukasa, you two are coming with me. I figure it's probably best if we split up for the time being, and you're going to need a couple of people to look after you.” Kyo directed the last comment at Hizumi, and he felt a flood of guilt for putting people to trouble, as irrational as he knew that to be.

“Shinya, you'll be coming with me.” Die said quietly, and Hizumi could see Shinya visibly stiffen. He couldn't tell if it was from nervousness or anger, but either way he felt for his friend. Though truth be told, he was more than happy that he wasn't being separated from Tsukasa.

“When are we going to find out what's going on?” Shinya demanded, more than a hint of frustration in his voice.

“As soon as we find out, Shinya. I promise.”

***

Kaoru stared at Zero as the smile returned to his face, though he had stopped his slow walk forwards.

“Well, Kaoru? Aren't you going to astound us with your remarkable feats? I'm sure you must have a plan now. Something to really wow us. After all, you're going to have to beat the two of us. By yourself.”

“I've done it so many times before, Zero. You know that.”

“Yeah, but that was when we were together. We were training. I wasn't going to really stab my partner now, was I? This time it's serious.”

“Yeah? So that means I can seriously beat you to a pulp, is that it?”

“I'd like to see you try.” Zero spat as he lunged forward at Kaoru. Kaoru spun, narrowly avoiding the blade of Zero's knife, ramming his shoulder into the wall, knocking him off balance. Zero rounded again, the delight evident on his face. Kaoru jumped a few steps back, trying to get himself some room to move, but Zero was too fast. He jumped back again, Zero following just as quickly as before. Again they performed this strange dance move, Kaoru never getting any further away, and Zero seeming to be quite content to maintain the distance, seeming to get some pleasure from seeing Kaoru run from him.

“Guess what, Kaoru? I'm really going to enjoy killing you.”

Kaoru smirked at Zero.

“Yeah? I'm really going to enjoy watching you fail at that.”

Zero lunged again, and Kaoru just barely managed to get out of the way. The blade sliced through the air, the tip just crossing Kaoru's cheek. He felt the warm stickiness begin to fall, and something in him snapped.

“I'm going to kill you.”

***

Die took long, striding steps down the corridor, Shinya hurrying to keep up.

“Die? Where are the others going? Where are we going? What's happening?”

“Kyo is taking them to another car. Then he'll be taking them to our other safe house. Don't you worry about them. There is nowhere safer than with him. We're staying here. This is my safe house. No one knows I own this, so it can't be traced to me. No one followed us here. It's all probably just for nothing, but Kyo and Kaoru between them think it's something we need to do, so here we are.”

“If people are that serious about finding you, won't your car out there give it away?”

Die turned and stared at Shinya.

“Give me a little credit. Do you think that car is still there?”

“Where did it-”

“You only need to know that it's gone and you're safe.”

Shinya fell quiet, sensing that Die was not going to answer any more questions. For the first time in what seemed a long time, cold Die had returned. They continued down the corridor, Die occasionally stopping, as though checking where he was. He stopped outside a door and looked to Shinya.

“Once we go into this room we won't be leaving until we get the all-clear from either Kyo or Kaoru.”

“Okay.” Shinya replied, nodding once.

“Just thought you should know.”

Shinya nodded again, and Die opened the door. They entered the room, and Shinya was surprised at how it looked. It was just the one main room, a double bed pushed into the corner with a small kitchen area in the opposite corner. Further along there was a door to a small en suite. Two chairs and a table sat in the middle of the room, and a small tv sat on top of a full bookshelf, a telephone next to it. That was all. No windows. No other way in or out. He heard a bolt sliding closed, and turned to see Die locking what turned out to be the very thick steel door.

“It just looked like a normal door from outside.” he said, surprised.

“That's the idea, really.”

“It's pretty small in here.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry about that. You can have the bed. I'll be fine on the floor.”

“Not gonna happen, Die.”

“You're not sleeping on the floor.”

“I know. We can share the bed, I'm sure.”

Die didn't respond, and Shinya felt a perverse sort of pleasure in knowing he had unsettled the other man.

“Does it bother you that I remember Kaoru?”

“A little.” Die said, and Shinya could tell that it was hard for Die to admit that. Another sudden surge of affection flooded through Shinya, and he had to sit on the edge of the bed to keep from falling over.

“Die, you're doing so much for me. And not just me. For my friends as well. Why?”

“I knew you, Shinya. I've been trying to find you for so long. I can't even explain it very well. But I've finally found you, and I'm not going to let anything happen to you again. Kyo, Kaoru, they've been looking for you too. You have no idea how happy we are that we've finally got you back. This is what I was going to show you before, when we were still at my place.”

Die walked over to sit next to Shinya, pulling something from his pocket.

“The other two will kill me if they find out I grabbed this and am showing it to you without them, but I just don't care anymore.”

He unfolded what turned out to be a photo. In it, five boys all sat on a log, smiling into the camera.

“Do you know who this is?”

Shinya stared at it.

“That's me...” he said, pointing to one of the boys, wonder filling him now.

“That's right. Who do you think that is?” Die said, pointing to another one, this one with his arm around Shinya.

“It's you, isn't it?”

“Yes, it is.”

“That one is Kaoru. And that one looks like Kyo. But who is that one?”

“That one is Hara Toshimasa. You met him at-”

“At that party you had. I remember him. He was friends with all of you?”

“Yes, he was. And you, too.”

“What happened? It doesn't really look like he is anymore...”

“That's a longer story than I really want to get into right now.”

Die lay back on the bed, and Shinya followed. They lay in silence for a while, until Shinya thought he was going to burst.

“Die, do you know what happened to me? Really? Why my parents did what they did?”

“Sort of. What I was able to pick up from what my parents said. But what I said to you was true. You lived near us. And your parents did love you.”

“You've done so much for me, Die.”

“I haven't done anywhere near enough. I should have been able to save you from all of that long ago. But I didn't. I failed you, so so much.”

Shinya sat up, his face aghast.

“You did not fail me, Die! You were only a kid when that happened. What could you have done? If I couldn't save myself then, you would have had no chance. Not against someone like Tatsuya.”

“I should have though, Shinya. You know I had just given up when I found you? I'd spent years searching, and I had given up. And then suddenly, there you were. Right in front of me.”

“You found me then. I might not remember you Die, but you never forgot me. And that means you saved me, every single day.”

Die laughed, a dry, humourless laugh. “I wish that were true.”

“You did. And now I'm going to ask you to do one more thing for me. It's something I want – no, more than want. I need it. I should be the last person to ask you for something, but I'm going to this one time.”

“Shinya, you can always ask me for anything you need. Anything.”

Shinya licked his lips, suddenly nervous. This was something entirely new for him, and he wasn't quite sure how to go about it.

“Die ... I want to kiss you. And I want for you to kiss me back. And this isn't out of gratitude or duty or obligation or anything like that. I just want to kiss you. Because it's what I need. Something I can't explain. I've even had dreams about it -”

He was interrupted by Die's lips on his, Die's arms wrapping around him. His body moulded itself to Die's almost immediately, his own arms snaking up and pulling the other man even closer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

Reality and Illusions, Intro

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 05:16:27 GMT

Title: Reality and Illusions
Chapters: 1/?
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: Angst/fluff/randomness
Warnings: None yet.
Rating: This chapter: PG.
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya
Synopsis: Surely love is good, right? How can love ever be a bad thing?
Comments: Aaaaand I'm back. Yeah >_>; ANYWAY, have a rather strange beginning to what will likely be a rather strange fic inspired by, of all things, Ibara no Namida by L'arc~en~Ciel. And written, as always, for my beautiful wife, xxxshinyasxxx <3

Reality and Illusions, Intro

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My name is Daisuke. Well, that's the name I was given when I was born, but these days I'm known simply as Die. I like it better that way. It seems, somehow, more fitting.

I'm being punished, you see. Why? Who knows.

No, that's a lie. I know exactly why.

I love that which is forbidden.

What I don't know is why it's forbidden. It makes no sense. Surely love is good, right? How can love ever be a bad thing? Not when it is between two people who can decide for themselves that this is what they want. And yet...

And yet here I am, locked away from the world, the only things crossing my sight the stones that make up the walls of this prison, and the stars in the sky. There is no roof here. I am exposed to the elements, punished by burning sun or driving rain, and yet I can't get away to see him. Never to see his face again. Never to hear his voice.

But I'm not worried for him. I know he's ok. I can feel it. When I was first put here, I was so scared. Not for me, but for him. If this was what they were doing to me, then what could they have been doing to him? I tried to claw my way out of here, losing more than one fingernail in the process. But when I had exhausted myself, falling the ground, my mind relaxed and I just knew. He was sad, but he was safe. I know it sounds strange, to say the least. But we really do have a connection like that. I know he's safe, just as I know he knows that I'm still alive.

I don't know how much longer that will last though. I don't know how long I've been here, just that it feels like forever. My life before seems more like a dream than anything that really happened. The only thing I never question is him. But listen to me. I'm rambling. I need to get out of here. I eat only what they give me, though I never see it appear. They wait til I'm asleep, huddled in my corner, then when I wake there is some bread, maybe a piece of rotting fruit or vegetable. It's amazing how good a rotten apple can taste when you've had nothing but bread for weeks. My water comes from the rain. I have a bucket that I use to collect it. I can't waste any on washing myself. I do what I can while it's raining, scrubbing myself all over with my fingers in an attempt to get some of the dirt off. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

But that is all meaningless. The real reason I'm talking, the story I want to get across, even if no one ever hears it, is about him. About us.

He is my love. My life. The one I have given myself to, completely. I am his. And he is mine. His name is Shinya. He is a farmer, a peasant. I am Daisuke.

I am a prince.

Or was. Not anymore. As far as everyone is aware, I was killed in battle. My older brother I'm sure was happy. For all I know, he's the one who set it up. Who knows. Like it matters now anyway. I committed the gravest sin I could. Not only had I fallen in love with a man, but he was a peasant. No way to continue the family line. No way to maintain any sort of purity of the royal blood. I was a disgrace, a stain on the family name. They would have killed me, if they could. If killing a member of the royal family wasn't the surest way to damn yourself forever. That's the only reason they bring me food, you know.

But Shinya. He is so beautiful, so kind, so perfect. He is everything I've ever wanted. I certainly hadn't expected to find myself in love with a man, with a peasant. Like everyone else, I had always thought I would end up marrying some noble woman from some other land, strengthening diplomatic ties, ensuring heirs should anything happen to my brother or his children. That's not what happened though. You'd think meeting someone like Shinya, someone who was going to completely change my life, would stand out in my memory. The truth is that I don't though. I don't even know how I could have come into contact with a peasant. They weren't people I associated with. At all. And yet somehow we did meet, and without my even noticing it my life veered off down a totally different path. Every stolen moment together was a perfect one, every moment without him seemed to last forever. I'll stop there though before I start writing sorrowful poetry to the stars though. It's enough that we loved each other, beyond anything either of us had ever thought possible.

***

It was ripped away when soldiers burst in on us one night. We weren't doing anything, just holding each other, but it was enough. They pulled us away from each other, and all I saw was one of them kicking Shinya's head before a bag was pulled over mine and I was dragged away, thrown over the back of a horse, Shinya's screams ringing in my ears.

They didn't keep me here at first, in this space. I was in a dungeon. I didn't know why. I wondered what they had planned. It was only when the head priest came to see me, following close behind my brother that I began to have an idea about what was going on. Or I should say I began to admit what was going on. The two of them came in, and the guards all left. I stood, and my brother kicked me back down to the floor.

“You're not seriously thinking you can get out of here, are you?”

I remember the look on his face when he said that. He was almost gloating. The priest, for his part, at least had the decency to look embarrassed, if not quite ashamed of what he was watching. Though that changed when they started talking about my supposed sins. Then he just looked disgusted. I thought they were going to grill me for hours, torture me to admit to whatever they wanted. That's how it seemed, with the way they looked. What they did do was much worse.

“You'll be happy to know that that boy has been let free.” the priest announced. My heart soared at that, though it was tempered with the knowledge that they could be lying. Why they would do that, I don't know, but by this stage I wasn't thinking that anything was beyond them. I didn't even know why they were doing this. It wasn't like I was trying to contest the throne. I had no desire whatsoever to become King. I was more than happy for my brother to assume that mantle on our father's death. Maybe he didn't believe me. Maybe I'll never really know the truth.

“Do you want to know why we freed him?” my brother asked, and the smile on his face made me feel as though my blood had frozen. I just stared, and he kicked me. “Answer me. Do you want to know why?”

I nodded, suddenly sure I didn't want to know why, but he was going to tell me anyway. I knew that. He was dying to tell me.

“He has confessed that you bewitched him. It took some ... work ... to break the spell you cast to get him to admit it, but in the end he did. So we have fornication with a male, fornication with a peasant, and sorcery. You've been busy, haven't you, brother?”

All I could do was continue to stare. I was unable to move. I knew exactly what he meant by 'work'. I could barely stand to think of how far they must have gone. Shinya is a strong man, stronger than most I know. It would have taken a lot to get him to say things that weren't true, even if it was to save his own life.

“He has admitted that there was nothing there on his part, and since we can hardly blame a mere peasant for being bewitched by someone more powerful than he, we let him go. He will go back to his farm. He should be able to return to duties more fitting his station within a few months.”

He smiled again at this, and I let out a strangled cry. Months to recover.

“What did you do to him?” I whispered, my fists clenching as though I could actually do something from this position.

“We broke your spell, is all,” the priest said, his voice completely devoid of emotion. “It took a while, but it is done.”

“WHAT SPELL?!” I yelled, leaping to my feet again, only to be kicked back down by my brother. “I cast no spell and you know it.”

“We have a signed declaration that says otherwise” the priest said again.

“Naturally it will never see the light of day. We must honour the memory of my dead brother, after all.” he said with a smirk.

“...dead?”

“You were out in a battle on the border. You died a heroes death, defending not only the country but the entire world, potentially, from the invasion from the north. You should thank us. Everyone will forever remember you as a hero.”

“What about Shinya?” I managed to get out.

***

I'm back to staring at the night sky. I wonder how many times I've seen that moon pass over. I know it's been a long time, because my hair is longer. It was just past my ears, but now it is down my back, past my shoulder blades. It would probably be longer if it was brushed. I do my best, but there's only so much can be done with just your fingers, really. It's sort of funny, it occurs to me sometimes, to still be vain enough to be worrying about my hair. But it's because I know one day I will find Shinya again. I know it, with every part of my being. And I want to try to look good for him. I know it's impossible here, but I have to at least try.

How do I know he's coming?

Because I can feel him. For the longest time, he was in one place. But lately, I've been feeling him move. I know he's coming closer.

I know he will come for me.

How strange, a prince rescued by a peasant.

But I know he will. Shinya will save me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Torment and the Pain

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 01:49:59 GMT

Title: The Torment and the Pain
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: Angst/fluff/randomness
Warnings: mentions of alcoholism
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya
Synopsis: Those are my first thoughts waking up, almost every single day. The only times I don't have that thought is after a night of drinking, and that's only because I'm usually too busy thinking I'm going to die.
Comments: Good lord it's been a while since I've written anything. Anyway, initial idea came when I was listening to Infection (D'espairsRay), not that anything other than the first line has anything to do with the song. This is also written for (as usual <3) my wifeh xxxshinyasxxx. Yes. We got lj-married a couple of weeks ago ♥ ♥ ^___^ Not that this came out anything like how I was originally intending XP

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Torment and the Pain

I know I can never reach for you

Those are my first thoughts waking up, almost every single day. The only times I don't have that thought is after a night of drinking, and that's only because I'm usually too busy thinking I'm going to die.

Which is funny, I think while I'm leaning over the bowl, holding my own hair out of my face, because that's my name, too. Die will die. Ha ha ha. How delightfully ironic it all is. But then I finally sober up and swear that I'll never touch alcohol again, and then I think of him...

My swearing off of alcohol will last maybe a week before it all gets too much and I just need to forget.

I wish I could.

I wish he'd never come into my life.

I wish I could make him leave.

I pray that he'll never go.

Do I like feeling like this? Needing someone so much, wanting someone that I can never, ever have? No. But ... part of me does. Part of me loves this feeling, loves the torture that I am put through every time he laughs, every time he smiles at me, every time we touch...

We kiss, sometimes. Only in my head, in my dreams, but it always seems so real. And then I realise it's not, and the call of the bottle starts again.

Tonight is no different to all those others. Only it is, because in my drunken state I've stumbled out of the bar, the bar I went to with Kaoru just for a change, and I don't think he's even noticed because I've managed to get him as drunk as me (and believe me, that's really saying something because I am hammered) and I think the last time I saw him the bouncer was trying to convince him to get in a taxi by himself before he was thrown in. I'm not really too sure where I'm going, but it looks very familiar. It's only as I get closer that my alcohol-blurred eyes finally figure out that I'm near his house. Him. The reason for me being like this. For some reason I'm filled with anger, almost hate towards him, so so angry that he could make me feel like this, so helpless, but mostly angry with myself for letting him do this to me. I sit down right where I am, not really paying any attention to whether I'm on the path, someone's garden, or even in the middle of the road, and cry in frustration. Frustration at loving someone that I hate, hating someone that I love, for hating someone as wonderful and perfect as he is. Because I don't hate him. I wish I did, with all my heart, because that would be so much easier. So much easier than loving him.

Car tyres squeal, and I look up to see headlights coming to a stop mere centimetres from my face. I'm fairly certain I should be worried, but I'm not.

“Hey, get out of the way you little bitch!” a voice yells from the passenger side window, and I turn my head, squinting to try and focus.

“Bitch?” I slur, staggering to my feet. “I'm not a bitch.” It occurs to me that with my long hair, sitting in the middle of the road crying, I probably do look a little more feminine than usual, occurs to me that I should perhaps be a little more forgiving towards someone who is probably just reacting to the fear of having nearly hit someone, but all I can see is an outlet for all my anger, my frustration, my fear, and I move towards the voice determined to take my revenge.

Fortunately for me, I think, the people in the car are neither stupid nor overly macho, and drive off before I can get too close.

Now I'm pissed off.

I let out a loud yell, not really caring if I'm waking people up, and I rage, pacing along the street, punching lampposts, concrete walls, whatever I can find, until my knuckles are raw, blood pouring out of the cuts and along the street.

I'm probably going to regret that in the morning.

It seems the amount that I've had to drink tonight is really starting to hit me now, because my eyesight is starting to fade. It feels like my head is floating away, so I decide to go and find a corner or doorstep to sit in until I wake. I stumble, not entirely sure where I'm going to end up. A door looms ahead of me, and it looks so welcoming, so I move closer, my feet now wanting to refuse every command I give them and I slump against it, sliding down as my eyes fall shut.

***

My eyes open. The light is far too bright, and when I turn my head I think I might throw up. Something is holding me down, I can't get up.

“Sorry. Did I tuck you in too tight?”

I know that voice. I think I must be still drunk. So I ignore it, because who wants to see a drunk man on the side of the street talking to himself?

“Die? Can you hear me? Are you listening?”

“You aren't here. Stop talking to me.” I mutter, as my surroundings begin to come into focus. I'm somewhat surprised to find that I'm no longer on the doorstep I passed out on. I seem to be in a bedroom. Not mine though. God, who was sad and desperate enough to take me home? And what the hell did we do?

“I'm fairly certain I am here, and no I won't stop talking to you. Should I even ask why you were asleep outside my door?”

I look around, narrowing my eyes against the glare of the sun as in pours in the uncovered windows, to see Shinya sitting on the edge of the bed next to me.

“Um.” I manage before a new wave of nausea hits me and this time I know I will be sick, but before I know it Shinya has grabbed a bucket from who knows where and is holding it next to me, making sure the loose strands of my now tied back hair don't fall in the way as I vomit. Finally it passes, though I know it won't be for long, and Shinya is holding a glass of water out, is helping me take small sips.

“Don't want you getting dehydrated. Let me see your hands.”

Dumbly I obey him, struggling to pull my arms out from under the tight blankets, showing him my bandaged knuckles. He must have done that while I was passed out too.

“I hope you know I'm going to have a lot of questions for you when you're a bit more sober.”

I nod, because I don't really feel up to answering him. Somehow I feel like I've betrayed him, letting him see me like this. We spend most of the morning like this, him holding my hair while I vomit, him giving me water, him talking to me, smiling at me, laughing...

I'm dreading the time when I have to tell him why I was there.

“Die,” he says, looking away, and I know I'm probably not going to like what he has to say, “why do you drink so much?”

I wasn't really expecting that one. I thought I'd kept the worst of my drinking from him. I open and close my mouth a few times, not really sure what to say. Something tells me that being honest right now probably wouldn't be the best idea.

Why? I drink to forget you...

No. Definitely not the best idea.

“I know you think you hide it, but you don't. Not really.”

What is he? A mind reader?

“You're probably not going to like this, but I don't think it's healthy, what you're doing to yourself. I think you might need help.”

Need help? Well, I suppose that much is true. But not in the way you think, Shinya. I don't say that, of course. I just nod, because I can't do anything else.

He sits next to me, still stroking my hair out of my face, and I force my face to remain calm. Crying in front of him wouldn't do at all. I'm Die. I don't cry.

“Die? Is there something that's been bothering you?”

He's looking at me now, staring right into my eyes, and I'm transfixed. He's so beautiful, and I don't mean in the purely physical sense. He cares. He's honestly worried about me. He wants to help me, I can see that.

“Sort of.” I find myself blurting out, and I clamp my mouth shut, my eyes widening slightly, hoping he doesn't press me on it.

“Can you tell me?” he says gently, and before I know it I've started talking.

“I – I met someone a while ago. I fell in love, but they'll never love me back. That's why I started drinking. I was trying to forget.”

I could almost kick myself. The concern on his face is breaking my heart, and I know if he keeps asking I'll keep telling, and then he'll want me out of his house, out of his life, the band will break up and it will be all my fault for not being able to keep my feelings under control.

But he doesn't question me any further. He just smiles, and much to my surprise he leans down and kisses my forehead.

“Brush your teeth. Have a shower. You're smelly.” is what he does say, and I pull the blankets off me and oblige. It's only now that I realise he even changed me out of my dirty and probably wet clothes from yesterday. The thought gives me butterflies.

I amble into the bathroom, stripping off and standing under the hot water while Shinya does whatever it is that Shinya does when he's alone. He's probably cooking dinner. Playing with his dogs. Something like that, anyway. He must have locked his babies away, now that I come to think of it. They didn't run in and jump all over me like they normally do. Finally I get out, drying off. I had brushed my teeth in the shower, which while kind of gross is still making me quite happy, because now I can climb into my clothes and stay warm. I open the door to smell food, and when I walk out Shinya is laying it on the table. My stomach growls, embarrassingly loudly. It's not a surprise, really, considering it's probably been a good two days since I last ate anything that wasn't a bar snack.

“I got a call from Kaoru earlier,” he says, taking his apron off. I try to listen to him speak, but the image of him in his apron has got me giggling.

“Die? I said Kaoru was worried about you, since he couldn't find you when he went home. I told him you'd turned up here and that you are fine.”

“Oh.” is all I manage, looking back up at him.

“Ok. What's so funny?”

“You. Your apron. It's cute.”

He just rolls his eyes and gestures to the table, so I sit and eat everything in sight. I'm absolutely ravenous, but he seems to have been able to tell this too, because he's cooked far more than we would normally have been able to eat.

“Die. Can I ask you a question?” he says as we clear the dishes. I nod, and he turns to face me, looking straight into my eyes again.

“The person that you love. Is it me?”

I'm floored. How did he know? Has he always known? Did I say something last night to make him think that? Did Kaoru? How would Kaoru have known?

“Die, stop babbling.”

I didn't really notice that I was speaking out loud until that, but when I look at him, he seems amused, and his face is flushed, but he certainly doesn't look like he's on the verge of kicking me out. He's still looking directly at me, his gaze not wavering at all.

“Answer me. Is it? Is it me that you love?”

I nod, looking away, but then his hand is on my chin, forcing me to look back at him.

“Good. Because I've been wondering how to tell you that I think of you as more than just a friend. But you've saved me the trouble. So thank you.”

I stand there, gaping at him.

“But there will be one rule. No drinking expect for at special occasions. And certainly none to try and forget me.”

I'm still gaping at him. Did he just say what I think he did?

“Yes, Die. I mean it.”

Ok. He really must be a mind reader.

I'm struck with fear though. Will it really be that easy? Can we really just begin a relationship like that? I'm sure I can give up the drinking. I'm sure I can.

Can I?

It's for Shinya, though. I can do it. If it's for him, I can do anything.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Eleven

Thu, 17 May 2007 11:44:53 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 11/??
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: “Doesn't matter. Just come with me. And before you start the twenty questions thing, I work for Die, I'm doing this to protect your arses because if anything happened to you then it would mean a very upset Shinya, which would mean a very upset Die, which would just be generally unpleasant for everyone else.
Comments: Apologies for the lateness of this. Again >< Things have been ... interesting this week ^____^ This chapter is for xxxshinyasxxx...♥

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven // Chapter Eight // Chapter Nine // Chapter Ten

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Eleven

Tsukasa wandered his way through the hospital, not really noticing where he was going. He had no idea why he had run from Hizumi, was disgusted with himself for doing it, but the fact was when Hizumi had told him he loved him he had gotten so scared, and now he couldn't bring himself to go back. If he was being honest with himself, he knew that Hizumi had feelings for him ... just as he knew that he saw Hizumi as more than just a friend.

So why can't I just go back to him?

He continued walking aimlessly, not knowing what to do, until he found himself at the end of the corridor he had come from. He stared down towards Hizumi's door, willing himself to take even one step forwards, because even one step would be a start that he could build from, but before he could manage even that much he saw a man come out of Hizumi's room. Tsukasa froze, wondering who that could be because he had never seen him before, and he'd seen everyone that Hizumi knew. The man turned, walking towards Tsukasa, and he quickly turned, for some reason not wanting this stranger to see his face. He peered intently at the map on the wall, letting his hair hang in front of his face as the other walked past him. He watched out of the corner of his eyes as the man entered the lift, a hand lifting to run through his shoulder length black hair. Their eyes met as the doors slid closed, and the dark emptiness that came from them chilled Tsukasa to the bone. The man smirked, then was gone, and Tsukasa spun around and ran straight to Hizumi. He reached the door, his heart pounding, and with a deep breath pushed it open.

“Hizu-” he stopped abruptly, his eyes surveying the room. The sheets of the bed were pulled right back, dangling down to the floor. Drawers had been pulled open and left that way, the chairs shoved back, one tipped onto it's side. Of Hizumi there was no sign. Fear filled him and he turned again, racing towards the stairs, pounding down them two at a time, jumping the last few to the landing before starting on the next flight, racing as fast as he could until he came bursting out of the doors at ground level, just in time to see the lift doors slide back open and the black haired man walk out. Tsukasa ran across and grabbed him, slamming the now surprised looking man into the wall, not caring who was looking.

“What'd you do to him?” he hissed, his hands grabbing fistfuls of the man's clothing.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” the man answered, recovering swiftly.

“Don't lie to me. I know you did something to Hizumi. Now tell me where he is.”

Tsukasa felt hands pulling him away, but he refused to let go of the stranger until he told him what had happened to Hizumi. More hands appeared, and eventually he was forced away, his eyes wild as he stared at the black-haired man.

“Again, I have not idea what you're talking about.” he said smoothly, straightening his clothes. He turned and walked towards the door, Tsukasa watching him even as voices yelled out to call the police. He was so fixated on the man that he didn't even notice another stranger walk in and stop, staring in surprise. The second stranger's voice shook him out of his trance.

“Nobuya? What are you doing here?”

“I had heard that one of Daisuke-sama's acquaintances had been injured. I came to check the room number so I could organise gifts to be sent.”

Tsukasa could practically smell the lie floating off him, and judging by the blond man in front of this Nobuya's reaction, he could too.

“Right. Well, get back to work then. There's plenty still needs to be done.”

Nobuya nodded and continued out the door, not looking back once. The blond man stood for a moment, staring at the people surrounding Tsukasa, before reaching a decision.

“You don't need to call the police.” he said to the person with the phone in their hand. “And you can let him go. He's coming with me.”

“But Kyo-san...”

“Look, for the last time, no buts! This is coming from Die, not me. So you need. to. listen.” he finished through gritted teeth. He turned back to Tsukasa, his expression softening somewhat. “You'd be Tsukasa, then?”

Tsukasa nodded, not sure what the hell was going on or what he should say.

“That man, Nobuya. Why were you attacking him?”

“He was in Hizumi's room. I went in and Hizumi was gone. Everything looked torn apart.”

“I know where he is, and you don't need to worry. Come on. I'm taking you both out of here.”

“Where?”

“Doesn't matter. Just come with me. And before you start the twenty questions thing, I work for Die, I'm doing this to protect your arses because if anything happened to you then it would mean a very upset Shinya, which would mean a very upset Die, which would just be generally unpleasant for everyone else. Oh, and you can call me Kyo.”

“Kyo?”

“Yeah, that's what I said. Now get moving!”

***

Kaoru helped the others get clothes together, all manner of items thrown haphazardly into a bag. Maybe they were just being paranoid, but Kaoru had been in this line of work too long to remain complacent. Still ... he couldn't help but feel that maybe he should be leaving Die and Shinya alone. He could feel Shinya's eyes on him with every move he made, and he knew what it must be doing to Die. He had no idea why Shinya should remember him when he had forgotten about everyone else. It made no sense, especially since it had been Die who had spent the most time with Shinya, not Kaoru.

Still ... it's a start, at least.

The silence was strained, though Kaoru got the impression that Shinya was completely oblivious to it. He was about to come up with some excuse to leave the two of them alone for a while when he was saved by a rather breathless blond running into the room.

“Looks like we were definitely right. I've got Hizumi and Tsukasa sitting in the car down stairs, but I don't want to leave them there alone for too long. You guys nearly ready?”

Kaoru straightened from picking things up off the floor, sudden determination flooding through him.

“Yeah, ready enough. You take these two. I'm going to stay here and wait for what happens. Have you called Toshiya?”

“No, not yet. Gonna do that on the way. I might pay him a visit soon, though.”

“Kyo ... you be careful if you do, ok?”

“Pfft.” was Kyo's eloquent response. “You know I will be. And honestly, what could Toshiya of all people do? You're the one I'm more worried about. I take it when you say you'll 'see what happens', you actually mean you're going to cause some trouble?”

“Do you think maybe you should tell me what's going on?” Die interrupted, a worried look on his face as he watched Shinya watching Kaoru. Kaoru sighed, then decided to give Die what he wanted.

Well, part of it anyway.

“Kyo will be taking you with Hizumi and Tsukasa. I'm going to stay here.”

“Stay here and do what?”

“Just keep an eye on things. Look, we're done now. Kyo, look after them, ok?”

Kyo nodded, much to Die's obvious annoyance. By this stage though, Kaoru really didn't care. He had a job to do, and he was going to do it.

***

Hizumi sat awkwardly in the car, not sure whether he should be looking at Tsukasa. It had come as somewhat of a shock when Kyo had suddenly run from the car, only to reappear with Tsukasa, but the relief Hizumi had felt was almost overwhelming. Now though, he wasn't sure what to think. Tsukasa was doing his best to cram himself into the very corner of the vehicle, and every part of Hizumi cried out to touch him, to hold him, although Tsukasa had made it very clear that that wasn't what he wanted. He could feel tears of hurt and frustration prickling, and he blinked furiously, refusing to let anyone see how much it was affecting him. He turned his head so he could look out the window, so he didn't have to see how much Tsukasa was trying to avoid him. There wasn't a lot to see though. Kyo had left the car in the garage, everything locked and alarmed. It seemed he wasn't taking any chances, not even at his own house.

“I'm sorry.”

Hizumi jumped a little, his hand automatically clutching at his stomach as the sudden movement cause pain to ripple through him. He turned, hoping Tsukasa hadn't noticed. It seemed luck was on his side, for Tsukasa was still staring intently through the other window at his side of the garage.

“Sorry?” Hizumi whispered, not sure he wanted to hear exactly why Tsukasa was sorry.

“For running out on you. For just leaving you there. After all you've done for me...” he trailed off, and Hizumi sat wondering where exactly Tsukasa was going with this.

“I shouldn't have said what I said. It wasn't fair of me to put that on you. I'm the one who should be sorry.”

“No, you shouldn't. You should never be sorry for things like that. I just reacted badly. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't expecting that anyone would ever tell me anything like that. I suppose part of me knew that maybe you felt that way, but I never believed it. I still don't, because I just don't understand why someone like you would love someone like me.”

“Why wouldn't I love you? I've never met anyone like you, Tsukasa. I never will again. You're as perfect as it's possible to be. I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable, but it's the truth. I love you, even if you don't return my feelings.”

“That's just it. I do. And I don't know why I'm so scared about it.”

Hizumi sat, dumbfounded by Tsukasa's confession. He was frozen, knew he must look like an idiot sitting there with his mouth dropped open, holding his stomach, but he didn't care. Tsukasa hadn't said it in so many words, but he loved him.

He loves me...

He sat in silence a few moments longer until he noticed that Tsukasa was frozen in much the same way that he was. It seemed as though the other man was even holding his breath, waiting for Hizumi to speak.

“You ... feel the same?” Hizumi ventured, still scarcely believing his own ears. The other man nodded, and it felt to Hizumi as though the bottom had fallen out of his stomach, his head spinning as he shuffled himself closer.

“Tsukasa? Look at me.” He lifted his hand, his fingers resting under the other man's chin so he could gently turn his head, ducking his own so he could look into Tsukasa's down-cast eyes.

“I love you.” he said, closing his eyes and pressing his lips against the other man's. He felt Tsukasa stiffen, then relax as Hizumi kissed him, eventually kissing him back. Hizumi dropped his hand to Tsukasa's shoulder, parting his lips slightly to allow access. The kiss deepened, and all thought left Hizumi's mind because this was Tsukasa, and that meant that nothing else mattered. Tsukasa's arms lifted to wrap around Hizumi, and they just clung to each other until Hizumi had to pull away, the pressure on his injured stomach growing just a little too great.

“Sorry ... I'm still a bit sore.” he apologised, laughing a little. Tsukasa laughed as well, a hiccoughing type of laugh, and Hizumi rested his head on Tsukasa's shoulder.

“So does this mean you aren't going to run from me again?”

Tsukasa nodded, his arm snaking around Hizumi's shoulder, pulling him closer. They rested like that a little longer, enjoying the silence and each others proximity, until the garage door opened and three figures entered. The three climbed into the car, Shinya in the back, Die and Kyo in the front. Shinya squeezed in next to Hizumi, the couple taking the opportunity to sit even closer together.

“I saw that, you know.” Shinya whispered, grinning, and Hizumi blushed but couldn't keep his own smile off his face.

“Right. Time to get the hell out of here.” Kyo said, starting the car.

***

Kaoru stood at the window, watching the car as it left the grounds. Only when he was sure they were safely gone did he move, beginning his hunt. He left the bedroom he was in, searching every room he came entered, locking them all behind him as he was done. He worked his way through the entire house, ending at the kitchen, and was surprised to see his quarry sitting there, calm as anything, at the kitchen table.

“I might have know it would be you.” he said quietly, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed.

“Wondered when you'd show up, too, Kaoru.”

“You've gotten even more unhinged than you were when we worked together.”

“I'm not unhinged, Kaoru. You've just gotten soft.”

“We would never have involved innocent people in the old days.”

“Well, just goes to show that you were too soft then, too.”

“Zero, it's time to stop.”

“But why? We've been having so much fun. Karyu should be turning up any second now. Won't that be a happy reunion? Oh! Speak of the devil.”

Kaoru's eyes flicked to the back door just in time to see it creak open, and the blond head of Karyu peering through the crack.

“Kaoru! So good to see you. And now, it's time to say goodbye.”

Kaoru watched as the two men advanced, wondering just how the hell he was going to manage to get out of this one.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Ten

Sat, 05 May 2007 10:14:07 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 10/??
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: “You think I'd throw you out now that I've finally found you? Now that I've gotten you away from that miserable excuse for a human?”
Comments: Well, my original outline had twelve chapters, but it seems to have lengthened itself, to the point that I don't know how long it will take. Probably not many more, but we'll see. Apologies for taking so long with this one. This week has been pretty crap, and recent events seem to suggest it's just going to get worse. I'll try to keep up-to-date though ^^

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven // Chapter Eight // Chapter Nine

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Ten

Shinya leaned into Die, pressing their bodies together, letting out a soft moan as he parted his lips, inviting Die to deepen the kiss. Die accepted the invitation, his tongue darting out to meet Shinya's, his arms wrapping around the blond as he let out a soft, answering moan. Shinya began to grow light-headed and suddenly his dreams, his longing to be near anyone who was close to Die made sense, butterflies thundering through his stomach when he thought of what Die must have had to do to free not just him but Hizumi and Tsukasa from Tatsuya, and he pressed even closer, his body responding to the touch with more sincerity than it ever had. He broke the kiss, tipping his head back as Die began feverishly kissing his neck.

“Mmm ... Die ...”

Without warning the kisses stopped and Die pushed him away, the sudden loss of contact feeling to Shinya as though something physical had snapped.

“Oh god, I'm so sorry, Shinya. I shouldn't have...”

“Die! Don't apologise. I want this.”

“Shinya, you don't have to act like this anymore. You don't have to do things out of gratitude, or whatever it is.”

Shinya felt a flare of anger, but the look of barely contained misery on Die's face quickly quenched those fires.

“Die ... I'm not. I mean, maybe even yesterday it would have been that, but now...”

Die looked at Shinya, making the blond painfully aware of the fact that he had no idea what was going on, had no idea why he had suddenly come to this realisation and knew perfectly well that if Die pressed him on it he had no chance of being able to explain it. Still Die continued to just look at Shinya, and he felt he had to fill the silence.

“What I mean is ... I don't know. I don't know what I mean. But I like you, Die. More than I thought I would. More than I should, and I don't think I can stop. I'm not saying I'm in love with you or anything, but ... if it makes you uncomfortable, I'll go.”

“You think I'd throw you out now that I've finally found you? Now that I've gotten you away from that miserable excuse for a human?”

Die smiled, a faint smile, but a smile all the same. Relief flooded through Shinya, and he began to feel slightly giddy again.

“Die? What do you mean, now that you've finally found me?”

Die sighed.

“I want to show you something. Wait here, I'll be back.”

Die got up and left the room. Shinya pulled the blanket up and around himself, noticing the way the temperature seemed to drop when Die left. He lifted a hand to his lips, wondering what on earth had possessed him to kiss Die like that. The feeling of overwhelming need crashed over him again, and he closed his eyes, feeling as though it was going to wash him away, then without warning it left, leaving him filled with a strange type of loneliness that he had never felt before. He pulled his legs up, resting his chin on his knees and watching the door for Die's return, wondering what in the hell he was doing, feeling like this.

***

Tsukasa sat at Hizumi's bed, watching the other man as he slept. He had barely left his side since he had been allowed back in, leaving only to find things for when Hizumi was awake.

“So what's happening with Shinya?” Hizumi asked, sitting up now, but he was still so pale and easily tired.

“He's gone back to that Die guy's place. I think he should stay there. I know that that guy will try to do what he can to get Tatsuya to let him go.”

“Really? What makes you say that?”

“You should see the way he looks at Shinya. Shinya doesn't notice it, but ... well, it's obvious what's going on with Die.”

“Tsukasa, how did you get me here? Why are we in a place like this instead of the city hospital?”

“I think it was that Die guy again. Someone came running as soon as you fell, like he'd seen what had happened, and called an ambulance. He said something to them, and they brought us here. He says it wasn't him, but I'm sure it was. There aren't that many people who look like that in Tokyo. And I'm sure I know him. I've seen him somewhere before. But it was definitely him. I don't think he wants Shinya to know. He kept looking at him before he said I must have him confused with someone else. I wonder why...”

Tsukasa trailed off, looking out of the window with a thoughtful expression. Hizumi smiled at the way Tsukasa could sound so innocent, especially when he was trying to play detective. He opened his mouth to tell Tsukasa what he thought about Die, then changed his mind. He still hadn't seen the man yet, so it was still possible that he was wrong.

Once I've seen him though, I'll know. Then I'll know what to think about Shinya being there.

They sat in silence, Tsukasa still staring out the window while Hizumi watched him. He wondered, for what was far from the first time, what it would take to get Tsukasa to notice him, to see him as anything more than just a friend.

“Hizumi?”

Tsukasa stayed the way he was, still looking out the window, but Hizumi could tell that all his attention was directed towards him.

“Yeah?”

Hizumi suddenly felt incredibly uneasy, his palms beginning to sweat. Something in the set of Tsukasa's shoulders scared Hizumi, and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to hear what the other man had to say.

“I – you ... thank you.”

Hizumi's mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Thank you? What did I do? Apart from manage to get myself stabbed, I mean.”

“For not leaving me. For staying with me.”

Tsukasa turned, and Hizumi saw that Tsukasa's eyes were wet, tears barely held back. He stood, walking over to sit on the edge of the bed, gripping Hizumi's hand.

“I can't live without you, Hizumi. When I thought you were going to – I nearly died. The doctor said you must have had something you wanted to live for.”

Hizumi squeezed Tsukasa's hand before letting it go to reach up, one finger gently brushing away a tear.

“I do. You.”

He pressed his hand against Tsukasa's face, turning the other man until they were facing each other properly.

“I live for you. Everything I do is for you. Everything I've ever done has been for you. I love you, Tsukasa.”

Tsukasa blinked, his mouth opening then closing.

“I – I ...” Tsukasa stammered, standing up. “I have to go.”

“Tsukasa!” Hizumi called, reaching his hand out as the other man fled the room. He watched the door swing shut, heard the footsteps as they ran further away from him, and wondered how he could have read Tsukasa so badly.

***

Kyo made his way along the corridor, barely able to keep from breaking into a run. He was vaguely aware of voices behind him, but he really didn't care about that. He lengthened his stride, hoping he was going to be in time. A hand shot out and grabbed his arm, swinging him around. A man in a white coat clung to him, anger on his face.

“You cannot come here, Nishimura-san. This area is strictly off limits to people who don't have family to visit.”

“I don't care. I'm getting them, and that is final.”

“You cannot do that!”

“I can, and I will. If you have a problem with that, speak to Die. He'll tell you. Now I suggest you let go of my arm, and I suggest you do it now.” Kyo hissed, yanking his arm free. He turned away from the stunned looking doctor and resumed his search, peering at every name card on every door until he found what he was looking for. He burst into the room, the other man's shock obvious.

“You're Hizumi?” Kyo snapped, staring at the man in the bed.

“Y-yes. Who are-”

“Where's Tsukasa?”

A look of pain flashed briefly across Hizumi's face.

“He left. I don't know where he is.”

“Shit,” said Kyo, walking around the room, pulling a plastic bag out of a drawer and filling it with Hizumi's meager belongings.

“Get out of bed. We're going.”

“What? Going where?”

“That doesn't matter. We're going. Now.” Kyo finished filling the bag and moved to the side of Hizumi's bed, helping the man out.

“Who are you? Why are we going? Why should I trust you?”

“You trust me because I work for Die. And Die is working to protect Shinya and those around him. Now if you don't move your arse, you're going to be in some serious shit. Come on. We'll find Tsukasa on the way out.”

“I don't think he's here. I think he left.”

“For fuck's sake!” Kyo swore, looping his arm around Hizumi, practically dragging the injured man out of the room.

“What the hell is going on?”

“You weren't stabbed by some random drunk like Tsukasa thought. It was planned, though you weren't the initial target. Tsukasa was, but they didn't really care which one of you was killed. You aren't safe here, so I'm taking you somewhere you will be. Tsukasa too, if we can find him.”

“I'm not leaving without him.”

“I don't think you have much say in the matter. Look at you. You can barely walk.”

“I'm not leaving without him.”

“Yes you are.”

***

“What have you found out?” Zero asked, getting into his car as he left for the day.

“You're gonna love this. Looks like the 'Kaoru' you overheard Andou talking to is none other than Niikura Kaoru.”

“Niikura?” Zero exclaimed, surprise filling him. “So this is what he's reduced himself to? Being an errand boy for nobility?”

“Now Zero, I don't want you going in all cocky. You know what Niikura's like. I highly doubt he's let himself lose his skills. I wouldn't trust him an inch.”

“This is going to make things difficult. If he sees me there ... fuck! Remind me to beat the shit out of Hara for failing to mention this.”

“He can't have been expected to list everyone that Andou knows.”

“Yes, he could have, because I specifically asked him to do just that.”

“Yeah, I know. Sometimes it's fun playing devil's advocate though, you know?”

“I'm glad you're finding this all highly amusing, Karyu. Now what are we going to do about it?”

There was a sigh on the other end of the phone as Karyu thought.

“I'll keep tabs on him as much as possible. I'll try and get those other loose ends tied up. And I'll have a chat to Hara, find out exactly what he knows about Andou and Niikura's relationship. Just sit tight, and stay clear of everyone. If I find out Niikura is going to be anywhere near where you are, Ill give you a heads up. Keep your phone on at all times.”

“Like you need to tell me that.” Zero muttered, flicking the phone closed. He pulled out his cigarettes, lighting one and taking a long drag. He held it in for a few seconds, letting it out in a slow stream before starting the car. This had just gotten a lot more interesting.

Looks like a visit to Hara Toshimasa is in order... he thought as he drove off.

***

“Where's your new guy?”

“What?” Die spun around in alarm, watching Kaoru as he strode into the room.

“Your new guy. Where is he?”

“He's gone for the day.”

“Fuck.”

“Were we right?”

“Yeah, we were. That fucking Toshiya has no idea what he's doing. He's a goddamned idiot, and I really don't know why the hell you keep him around.”

“It's better to know what he's up to, don't you think?”

Kaoru snorted.

“Where's Shinya?”

“He's in his room. Why?”

“I think for now it would be better to get him out of here. I've already sent Kyo to get Hizumi and Tsukasa.”

“Do you know the guy that Toshiya has hired?”

“I don't know the name, but it's probably fake. The description sounds familiar, but I can't quite figure out where I might know him from. I'd have to see him to get that.”

“Do you really think Shinya is in danger?”

“I don't know. To be honest, I don't think Toshiya ever intended things to go this far. I'd be surprised if this guy he hired has even told him what he did.” Kaoru sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Die, Toshiya might be an idiot, and he might be a bastard, but he's not a murderer. Whoever he's got working for him is obviously unhinged. We don't know what he might do. So for now we'll assume yes, Shinya is in danger. And we'll assume you are, too. I want to get you both out of here.”

“He kissed me.”

“What?!”

“Shinya kissed me. Just now.”

“Did he kiss you like a man, or like a whore?”

Die's face grew stony, and Kaoru held up his hands.

“I'm sorry, Die. But it's important I know if I'm to do anything about protecting him. And you.”

Die lifted his hand to his lips, fingers brushing over them.

“Like a man.”

“So why are you here?”

“He asked how I know him. I was getting a photo.”

“Well, the trip down memory lane is going to have to wait. We're going now.”

Kaoru turned and walked across the hall, opening the door to Shinya's room.

“Shinya?”

“Who are you?” the blond sitting on the bed asked, his head tilted in question.

“My name is Kaoru. I'm going to have to ask you to get up and grab a few changes of clothing. You and Die have to leave here for a while.”

“Kaoru ... I know you. I remember you. You came to my house when I was younger, before...” Shinya's eyes opened in wonder while Kaoru stood in shock. “You were always mean to me, but I thought you were my big brother.”

“So he remembers something, at least.”

Kaoru turned, looking at Die as he stood behind him. The grief and hurt on Die's face was unmistakable.

“Die...” Kaoru began, trailing off as Die gave a weak smile.

“You said we need to get out of here. We should probably get going as soon as possible.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Nine

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 07:51:48 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 9/12(?)
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: “He has no idea who I am. He thinks I'm just some customer who took a liking to him.”
Comments: Hmmm...so slowly, slowly, things are beginning to come together. The next couple of chapters will really have things going, with a few of the loose ends that a currently flapping around getting tied up. Hope you enjoy!

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven // Chapter Eight

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Nine

Kaoru pushed open the door to Die's room, letting himself in. It was probably rude to just wander into someone's bedroom, but it was Die, and in any case, he had heard the murmurs coming from the other room and knew that Die and Shinya were talking, knew that Die wouldn't want to be disturbed just yet. He fought down the urge to look in and see what Shinya looked like now.

God, it's been so many years since we've seen him. I don't know how Die can stand it.

He gave Die a few more minutes, sitting on a corner of the bed, before pulling out his cell phone to send him a message. It only took Die a few seconds to enter the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

“It's ok. He's off having a bath. He'll be a while.”

“Kyo tells me you've been acting all weird around him.”

“Kyo can shut his mouth.”

“He worries about you, you know. So do I.”

Die remained quiet, sitting next to Kaoru on the bed and resting his head on his friend's shoulder.

“I can't believe I finally found him. I'd given up. And then there he was.”

“How is he? Kyo said that he's had a bit of a head trip done on him.”

“He has. He has no idea who I am. He thinks I'm just some customer who took a liking to him.”

“What's he like now?”

“He's Shinya. Despite everything, he's still Shinya. Kao, someone tried to kill his friends.”

“What?! Who? Why?”

“I don't know. It looked like some drunk, but ... I don't think that was it. The guy ran off too fast, too something, for him to have really been drunk. It all seemed too convenient. It was on purpose, I know that. And I don't think it was really his friends that were the target.”

“You think they were after Shinya.”

“I think they were after both of us.”

“So why his friends?”

“You remember what Shinya was like. He's still like that.”

“Fuck. Right. I'll get onto it. How's Shinya?”

“He's fine, now that he's found out that Hizumi will be alright. Hizumi is the one who was attacked. He was at the hospital all night, up until just before I called you. That's why he's gone off to have a bath. I hope he doesn't fall asleep in it.”

Die trailed off, his head lifting as he gazed in the direction of the bathroom. There was something in Die's face that made everything fall into place for Kaoru.

“Die, this isn't just about finding Shinya anymore, is it?”

“What? What do you mean? Of course it is.” Die said, looking confused.

“You love him.”

“I've always loved him, Kaoru.”

“But before it was like the way you love me, or Kyo. But now it's different. You're in love.”

“What if I was. What would it have to do with you.”

“It's only fair that we know what we're dealing with, Die. Are you? Are you two...”

“No, we aren't. Like I said ... as far as Shinya's concerned I'm just another customer.”

Kaoru couldn't help but feel for Die. He could see the pain in his expression, hear it in his voice, but still he tried to hide it.

“Die. You can tell me.”

“I can't. That would make it real.”

Die closed his mouth and he leaned forward, almost as if he was caving in on himself. Kaoru leaned back, knowing that Die didn't want his sympathy, even though every muscle in his body itched to comfort the red head.

“He's staying, though. He said he wants to stay and find out about his past.”

Kaoru couldn't help but smile in delight.

“It means I have to go and talk to that fucking bastard again though. God, I don't know if I can keep from beating the shit out of him. It was hard enough when I went to go and get Shinya.”

“When are you going to go?”

“I don't know. Sooner would be better, I suppose. And I can arrange for Shinya's friends to come, too. God knows how I'm going to manage that.”

“Let's go now.”

“What?” Die looked at Kaoru in confusion. “We can't go now.”

“Why not?”

“Because ... ” Die trailed off, unsure of what to say.

“There's no reason we shouldn't go now. And it would be better if you had someone go with you. I can help you. Shinya's in the bath. We'll get Kyo to keep an eye on him, and if we aren't back by the time he gets out, Kyo can just make sure he eats well.”

Die looked at Kaoru for a second, then nodded.

***

“This is it?” Kaoru asked, surprise coursing through him. The place was huge. Huge, and beautiful. It was an enormous mansion, the lawns immaculate, the fountain out the front sparkling with perfectly clear water. There were statues dotted around, all in perfect condition without so much as a chip showing.

“This place is a whore-house?” Kaoru asked in disbelief. “It's almost as big as your place!”

“Just wait til you get inside. Then your expectations will be met.” Die said sourly, and suddenly Kaoru wasn't too sure he did want to see what was inside. The two friends made their way up the long driveway, Die alternating between dragging his feet and almost seeming as though he wanted to run to the door. Before they made it that far a short, somewhat pudgy man opened the door and began beaming at them.

“Welcome, gentlemen! What can we – oh! Andou-sama! What a pleasant surprise! What can I help you with today? I take it you are pleased with the performance of the boy you bought? He's a rather popular one, Shinya. He does his job well.”

Kaoru felt Die tense up next to him, saw his fists begin to clench, and surreptitiously grabbed his arm. Die stopped, and thankfully the man that Kaoru took to be Tatsuya didn't seem to notice.

“Yes thank you, Tatsuya-san.” Kaoru answered, not trusting Die to speak right now. “In fact, Daisuke is so pleased with Shinya that he would like to buy him off you. Permanently.”

Tatsuya's eyes widened.

“Oh, I'm sorry, Andou-sama. We don't sell our boys off. They remain our property, and are only for rent. I know we use the term 'buy', but that's not quite accurate.”

“How about we go inside and discuss this, Tatsuya-san?”

The little man nodded, and lead them into the house. Throughout the exchange Die had remained silent, but he could feel how much it was taking Die to keep himself under control. He kept an eye on Die, but once they entered the house it was like he became a different person. His head dropped and he kept his eyes trained on the floor, his hair falling forward. Kaoru looked up, and suddenly understood why Die had been so reluctant to come here. The hallway itself had been fairly innocuous, but the room they had been lead in to was anything but. Photos lined the walls, all of the boys who worked there in various sexual positions. Kaoru was far from a prude, but even he felt rather uncomfortable. He noticed that the person with each boy seemed to be the same one. Though the face of the 'customer' was never shown, the slightly hairy, pudgy body told him all he needed to know about who it was. He turned his head, only to see a photo, slightly larger than the others, the boy pictured staring into the camera through half lidded eyes, bent over a table as the other man pushed him down. Even though he was older, even with his hair being longer, blonder than he remembered, Kaoru knew exactly who it was. Anger surged through him, and he gritted his teeth, his eyes shooting back towards Die who was keeping his gaze fixed firmly to the floor.

“Please, take a seat,” Tatsuya said almost jovially as he gestured towards some chairs. “I really don't know how you think you're going to convince me, though.”

“I want Shinya. And I want Hizumi and Tsukasa, too.” Die said quietly, lifting his eyes to look directly at Tatsuya.

“I understand that you're probably very used to getting what you want, Andou-sama, but – and I say this with the greatest possible respect – your word holds no sway here. Things don't work like that in this world. In this world, my word is law. And I say they aren't for sale.”

Kaoru saw Die's jaw tighten, saw him about to jump out of his seat, watched him as Die noticed the photo of Shinya, and decided that perhaps he had better take over.

“Daisuke-sama?” he said, standing at the same time Die did, planting himself firmly in front of the red head. “Maybe you feel like a cigarette? My apologies. I seem to have left the lighter in the car though.”

“I'll go and get it then.” Die said gruffly, shooting a murderous look at Tatsuya before spinning on his heel and exiting the room. Tatsuya watched Die leave with an incredulous look on his face, then turned to Kaoru.

“Interesting one, isn't he? I take it he's not used to being told 'no'. Though I'm rather surprised that he didn't just send you to go and get his lighter. After all, that is the servant's job.”

“Daisuke-sama's situation is a rather complicated one, I'm afraid to say. He has had one or two issues to deal with.”

“That may be so, but as I said, things don't work like he's used to in this world.”

“I think I may know a thing or two about your world, Tatsuya-san.” Kaoru turned, swallowing his disgust so he could examine the photos on the wall. “In fact, I may even know more than you do. Perhaps you've heard the name Niikura Kaoru?” He turned again, wanting to see Tatsuya's reaction.

So. You know that much at least, he thought, the first bit of pleasure he had felt since arriving here enabling a small smile. Tatsuya's mouth dropped open, every last bit of his previous self-importance fleeing and leaving just another small, worthless excuse for a human.

“Oh, my apologies, Tatsuya-san. I see I did neglect to introduce myself. Now. Daisuke-sama is a rather naïve man in some respects, and he honestly would have no idea why my name would cause such a reaction in you. I would appreciate it if you could regain your composure by the time he returns.”

Tatsuya nodded, his whole body visibly shaking, and Kaoru was filled with disgust at the sight. That someone who could treat people the way he treated them here could be reduced to this quivering wreck just by hearing Kaoru's name ... disgust didn't even begin to describe it.

“And now that we have that taken care of, I believe it is time to discuss the terms. Daisuke-sama would like Shinya, Hizumi and Tsukasa. I personally see no reason why he should not have them. Hizumi, as you may or may not be aware, will not be able to work for some time. From what I hear, that means Tsukasa won't be able to, either. So it really won't be a great loss to you. In fact, it would be a gain, since Daisuke is also an honest man, despite the filth he finds himself dealing with from time to time, and so he will most certainly reimburse you.”

Kaoru returned to his seat, leaning back in the armchair which as it turned out was very comfortable.

“Now, you may name your price. I have no problem with that. However, if Daisuke decides he wants to ... negotiate ... then that is exactly what you will do. That I will leave up to you two. I shall continue to sit quietly here in my seat, as I was before, and simply observe matters. How does that sound?”

Tatsuya nodded again, obviously trying to calm himself down. Kaoru smiled again and fell silent, waiting patiently for Die to return. He was intrigued by the way Tatsuya would seem to become his previous self, only to have it all crumble again when his eyes would dart across the room and he would see Kaoru sitting and smiling. Eventually Die returned, smelling strongly of the suggested cigarettes, and he sat next to Kaoru, once more keeping his eyes well away from the photos of Shinya.

“I'm going to ask you again, Tatsuya-san. I would like to have Shinya, Hizumi and Tsukasa. I'm willing to negotiate.”

Kaoru noticed how strained Die's voice was, and wished that he could do something more overt to help him. He looked back at Tatsuya and nodded, willing the little fool to hurry up so he could get Die away from this place.

“A hundred million yen. Each.”

Kaoru raised his eyebrows, surprised that Tatsuya had the balls to demand such a vast sum of money.

“Fine.”

“Daisuke-sama,” Kaoru said hurriedly, “I'm sure you can talk him down from that. You did say you were willing to negotiate.”

“It's Shinya, Kaoru. He's not some piece of meat, no matter what this man says.”

Kaoru turned back to Tatsuya, rage boiling through his veins.

“Daisuke-sama will give you one million yen total. You will give us every thing that involves them so we can burn it. And that includes all this.” Kaoru gestured towards the photos, wanting nothing more than to choke this ... thing that called himself a man with his bare hands, and he knew Tatsuya knew it, because his face grew white and he stammered out an agreement. Die rose, giving Kaoru an odd look, and left the room. Kaoru followed, bowing slightly to Tatsuya.

“We will arrange payment within the next few days. Thank you for your cooperation, Tatsuya-san.”

Kaoru turned again and followed Die as he walked back towards the car.

***

“Kyo? Where did Die go?”

Shinya looked up as Kyo entered his room bearing food.

“Yeah, not a problem. I don't mind bringing you your dinner. No need to thank me.”

Kyo grinned as he spoke, letting Shinya know that he wasn't serious.

“I don't know, I'm sorry. He left with Kaoru. Have you met him yet?”

Shinya shook his head, looking longingly at the food on the tray.

“You'll like him. Even if he is a bit of a bastard at times. Here. Eat. I'll leave you alone for a while.”

“Kyo...”

Kyo stopped and turned back to Shinya. The blond wasn't too sure why, but it was important to him that someone be here if Die wasn't. And Kyo was nice enough – a little weird at times, but something about him seemed familiar and comforting. And it felt good, having someone who was close to Die nearby.

“Um. You can stay. I don't mind. You can share my food.”

“No, that's ok Shinya. I have my own dinner waiting for me in the kitchen.”

“Oh. Um. Well ... would it be ok with you if I brought my food down to the kitchen and ate with you?”

“What? After I went to all the effort of bringing it up here?”

Shinya smiled and stood, grabbing the tray.

“Good. I'll follow you then, ok?”

Kyo grinned again, and Shinya felt himself calming down. It had been somewhat disconcerting to get out of his bath and find that Die had disappeared again. He didn't know why exactly – it wasn't like the man had never done that before. But somehow Shinya had hoped that maybe he would be a little more attentive, now that Shinya had said he wanted to stay with him. Not that that was the proper way to be thinking of a customer. Even though he wouldn't be going back to Tatsuya, he knew that's what he still was. It was no more than he deserved for using Die the way he was. He followed Kyo all the way to the kitchen, putting his tray down on the great wooden table that stood in the center of the room. He waited for Kyo to bring his own food over before lifting the cover off and picking up his chopsticks. They ate in silence for the first few minutes, before Shinya could hold his questions in no longer.

“Kyo, do you know why Die wants me here?”

“You'd have to ask Die that, Shinya. I'm just his chef.”

“But he said he knows me. He's said things about my past ... I don't know if they're true. But if they are ... how does he know? Does he really know me? It's not fair that someone could know more about me than I do.”

Kyo looked at Shinya, but didn't answer. Shinya was vaguely disappointed. Part of him had been sure that Kyo would know. He opened his mouth to ask another question when he heard loud footsteps coming down the stairs. He turned to see who it was, only to be disappointed when the person didn't have bright red hair.

“Nobuya. You took your time. You're going to have to get quicker at checking the rooms at night. Anyone would think you've been listening at keyholes.”

“I'm sorry, Kyo-san. I just wanted to make sure I got everything locked up.”

The man Kyo had referred to as Nobuya bowed low. Shinya looked at the thoughtful gaze Kyo was giving the other man.

“No matter. You had a phone call not long ago. A man named Karyu. Said it was urgent, and he couldn't get you on your cellphone. Which I'm glad to hear. Don't want you taking personal phone calls when you're supposed to be working.”

“Thank you, Kyo-san. Is it ok to use a phone here?”

Kyo nodded, and pointed into the corner.

“You can use the kitchen phone.”

Nobuya bowed again and made his way to the phone. Shinya watched him, then turned back to Kyo.

“Kyo? How long have you known Die?”

“Known Die? Since pretty much forever. Ever since I was a very small kid, anyway.”

“So if Die did know me when I was younger, you would too, right?”

“Maybe. Who knows, really.”

Shinya looked at Kyo, and realised he wasn't really listening. His eyes were firmly fixed on Nobuya who was hunched over the phone, whispering furiously. He watched Kyo for a while longer, finishing his dinner, before getting up and excusing himself. Kyo gave him a quick glance and smile, then returned to his study of Nobuya. Shinya felt an enormous loneliness settle over him, and he didn't understand at all why. He got to his room, sitting on the edge of the bed before falling backwards and closing his eyes. Exhaustion overtook him, and before he knew what was what he felt himself being shaken gently. His eyes fluttered open to find Die sitting on the bed next to him.

“Shinya? Wake up.”

“I'm awake.” Shinya mumbled, screwing his face up before yawning. His neck was beginning to ache from having been sleeping awkwardly, and he shifted to make himself more comfortable, only half realising that he had just put his head onto Die's lap. There was stillness for a moment, then Die shifted a little and began stroking Shinya's hair. Shinya's eyes snapped open, the memory of the dream he had had only days earlier returning to him. He felt his body stiffen, willed it to relax, refusing to let the situation affect him.

“Shin? I have good news. I spoke to Tatsuya today. He's agreed to let you go. All of you. As soon as Hizumi is well enough to leave the hospital, I'll move him in here.”

Shinya sat up, the last traces of sleep leaving him.

“Are you serious? How? Why? No, it doesn't matter. Thank you, Die.” Shinya flung his arms around Die, holding him tight. Die's arms lifted, one hand caressing his back while the other stroked the back of Shinya's head. Shinya had no idea how long they sat like that, one clinging while the other just held, but eventually he pulled himself away.

“I mean it Die. Thank you so much. I can't – I have no idea how I can thank you enough.”

He stared into Die's eyes for a moment, leaning forward and pressing his lips gently against the other man's.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Eight

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 05:26:47 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 8/?
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: “I saw the way he looked at you, Shinya. He didn't look at you like a customer looks at a whore.”
Comments: OMG THERE'S A WEE BIT OF INFORMATION IN THIS ONE. Heheh. And completely unrelated, and I don't expect anyone to get this, but OMG THE SORROW OVER STEPHEN FLEMING QUITTING AS ODI CAPTAIN. Anyway...on with the fic.

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Eight

Shinya and Tsukasa sat side-by-side in the waiting room, both still too scared for Hizumi to go home, but not allowed to go back into his room. Die had done his best to convince Shinya to come back with him, but Shinya had refused, preferring to wait with Tsukasa.

“Shinya? Who is Die?”

“He's Die. I don't know. Why?”

“I know him. I've seen him before, but I don't remember where. Not as a customer. And I know it was him who was there just after Hizumi ... he called the ambulance for us. I know it was him, no matter what he says.”

“It can't have been him, Tsukasa. He was at his house with me.”

“With you? Was he physically right there in front of you the entire time? How did he find out and get you here so quickly? As it is he must have just about flown to get you.”

Shinya remained silent, thinking.

He wasn't with me. He locked me in the room and that was the last I saw of him. But he couldn't have been following them. Could he? WHY would he?

“Hizumi said he knows who Die is. He found out. He broke into Tatsuya's room to look so we could rescue you. But he didn't tell me. He said I wouldn't believe him, and he wanted to find out if it was definitely true first. But whoever he is, I don't think you need us to protect you. I think he's the one protecting you. He saved Hizumi. He saved both of us.”

Tsukasa fell silent, looking at his clasped hands.

“But I still don't think I can trust someone who refuses to tell me anything about himself. I don't think I can trust someone who doesn't even seem to know what he wants. And in any case, he's just a customer. Once his time has run out, that's probably the last I'll see of him.”

“Unless he wants to keep you.”

“And why would he want to do that.”

“I saw the way he looked at you, Shinya. He didn't look at you like a customer looks at a whore.”

Shinya looked at the floor, Die's words from earlier echoing through his head.

...someone I care about...

“...but why? Why does he care about me? He doesn't even know me,” he whispered, shoulders slumping.

“Maybe he does. Maybe he knows you from before you were sold. Maybe he finally found you.”

“He showed me a house. He said it was where I'd grown up. He said my father did kill himself, but the rest about my mother selling me was a lie. He said she was sick, and before she died she gave me to Tatsuya, thinking he was running an orphanage.”

Tsukasa stared at Shinya, his mouth dropping open.

“Shinya, you have to stay with him if you can. You have to take that chance to get away from Tatsuya.”

“I can't, Tsukasa! How could I leave you and Hizumi there? How could I live with myself if I just abandoned you two?”

“We'll be fine. I doubt Tatsuya is going to be taking us back for a while, anyway. Maybe we can try and get something for ourselves before we're forced to go back to him.”

Shinya opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the door opening. A nurse entered and smiled warmly at the two of them.

“Hizumi-san is starting to wake up now. You may go in one at a time, if you wish to see him.”

Tsukasa looked at Shinya with eyes wide open, the question clearly visible on his face. Shinya nodded, and the other man's face lit up. He all but leapt out of his seat, almost crashing into the nurse as he followed her out of the room. Shinya watched him as he left.

“I'll help you out of there. I'll help both of you.”

***

“Nobutada-san, was it?”

“Nobuya, Daisuke-sama.”

Zero bowed low before Die, masking a grimace at having to do so, though he was pleased that Die seemed to be as inattentive to his surroundings as he had been told.

“Ah yes, Nobuya. My apologies. How are you finding your first day of work here?”

“I'm enjoying it already, Daisuke-sama. Kyo-sama has been teaching me a lot.”

“I'm glad to hear that. I don't want you to learn too much from Kyo, though. He has altogether too many bad habits for my liking.”

Zero took note of the way Die acted while talking about Kyo. Though the words could be interpreted as harsh, the smile as they were spoken was anything but. It was quite clear already that Die and Kyo were friends before they were employer and employee. Zero decided that he had better be careful while trying to use Kyo – pushing him too hard, or the wrong way, could have less than satisfactory results. And he wouldn't like to have to get Karyu to help him out. That wouldn't do at all.

“I shall certainly try to remember that, Daisuke-sama.”

“Good. Well, if there are any problems, please ask either Kyo or myself.”

“And your brother?”

“Brother?”

“The young blond man who is also staying here. I assumed he was your brother or some close relation.”

“Shinya? No. No, he's not my brother. No relation at all in fact.”

“Really? But you seemed so close. My apologies.”

Zero bowed once more, turning and heading back towards the kitchen. He could feel Die's eyes on his back, and for a fleeting moment he worried that perhaps he had underestimated the red head, but then the floor creaked as the other man walked off, and Zero smiled. He gave it a few seconds then turned again, this time following Die, keeping a careful distance. He followed him to the other end of the house before Die entered a room, closing the door behind him. Zero looked around, ensuring that he was alone, making sure than should anyone come walking down he could make it look as though he was supposed to be here, then leaned against the door, straining to hear what was going on. To his relief it seemed that his guess was right, and Die indeed was on the phone.

“That'd be great. Thanks, Kyo. You can fill me in later on. Bye.”

There was the brief click of the phone being hung up, and a sigh. Zero wondered if he had missed all that was going to happen, but again, he was not disappointed. There was a brief rustling as though of papers being searched, then the creak of a chair.

“Kaoru?

“Yeah, I got him.

“No, of course not.”

There was a longer pause, and Die sighed.

“I tried. Believe me, I tried.

“What are you talking about?”

There was a bang, and a muttered curse from Die.

“He did what? I'll fucking...”

Zero wondered what he wouldn't give to find out what was being said on the other side of the conversation, and decided it wasn't a lot. First thing he was going to do once he finished work was call Karyu and get him to find out who this Kaoru was.

“Fine, I'll calm down. You can deal with it, can't you?

“Thanks, Kaoru. I mean it. Thank you. So I'll see you later, yeah? Great. See you then.”

The chair creaked again, and Zero decided against pushing his luck any further. He straightened up, making his way down the hallway as fast as he could. He didn't even notice the door open quietly, didn't notice Die poking his head out of the doorway to gaze after him, his expression carefully blank.

***

“So. How is he?”

“He's so pale. And so weak. But he was so happy that Tsukasa was ok. So I think he's going to be fine. At least, while he's away from Tatsuya he'll be fine.”

Die stood at the entrance to Shinya's room, leaning on the doorframe as Shinya sat on the edge of the bed. He had sent his driver to pick Shinya up, and had expressed surprise upon finding out Shinya had apparently offered no resistance.

“You going to go see him tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Tsukasa is going to stay there. I'm going to assume they don't normally let people stay there that aren't actually sick, do they? Did you arrange to let Tsukasa be there?”

Die shrugged.

“It seemed the best thing to do. Sending Tsukasa back to that place wouldn't have been the best, and from what I saw making him leave Hizumi at all would have been even worse. For both of them.”

“Die, why did you say you care for me?”

Shinya looked away as he asked that, for some reason unwilling to see Die's face when he answered.

“Because it's true. I do care for you.”

“But why? How? You don't even know me. If it hadn't been for the fact that you were there when I fell over ...”

“I know you, Shinya. I feel like I've always known you. I have always known you, though you haven't always known me. I know that doesn't make much sense right now, but believe me, if you give me a chance, it will. You'll see.”

Shinya risked a glance at Die, only to find the other man also looking away, his cheeks growing slightly red again. He finally reached a decision.

“I want to understand. I want it to make sense.”

“I can't explain it right now, but-”

“No, I don't want you to. I want to find out. I don't care how long it takes. I want to stay here with you. I want you to be there with me while I take care of Tsukasa and Hizumi.”

Die stood up and stared at Shinya with a guarded expression.

“Shinya ... you want to stay with me?” he whispered, and Shinya could see the way he was fighting down the hope that was trying to rise in his eyes.

“Yes. I do.”

Before he knew what had happened Die was in front of him, kneeling, his arms thrown around Shinya.

“I'm so glad. I'll make the arrangements to get you out of that place. And you don't need to worry about Hizumi and Tsukasa. They can stay here until they get themselves sorted. I can help them with that.”

Shinya returned the hug, hesitantly at first, then tightening his grip.

“A friend of mine is coming around tonight. He can help, too. We can fill him in, then when Hizumi is better, we can introduce them all.”

Shinya leaned his head against Die's, conflicting emotions threatening to tear him in two. He was so relieved that finally they would all be safe, would have someone who believed in them and would help them.

“Shinya? Why are you crying? You're all going to be fine now.”

Shinya shook his head. How could he tell Die that he was crying out of guilt? How could he use someone like this, take what he wanted from Die when he knew he was lying to get it?

***

“Karyu? Can you do me a favour? Tonight. It's pretty urgent.”

“Why am I not surprised that you want something? Do you ever call unless you want something? I'm so hurt, Zero. You make a man feel so used and worthless.”

“You know I love you. You're the best partner someone could ever have.”

“Why do I not believe you? Anyway, who do you want me to find out about this time.”

“What makes you think I want you to find out about someone?”

“It's what I do. It's what you do. Now hurry up. I'm busy.”

“Guy or girl?”

“What does it matter to you, Zero?”

“Right. That hurts, Karyu. I just told you I love you.”

“Yeah, ok. You're getting way to into the whole hanging out with gay guys thing, aren't you.”

“You know you love it.”

“Anyway, can we get on with it? Who do you want me to find out about?”

Zero huffed. Karyu was absolutely no fun when he thought there was the potential for a lay.

“I only have one name. Kaoru. But whoever it is, they seem to be a fairly good friend of Andou's. Find out what you can.”

“Right. And do you think Hara will be able to help?”

“Should be able to. Start with him, and if that doesn't work ... I don't know. Kill him for all I care.”

“Now Zero. We won't get paid if I do that. We have to wait 'til after pay day to do stuff like that, remember?”

“Good point. Anyway, find out what you can. I'll call you tomorrow to see what you've found out.”

“Not a problem. Can I get back to what I was doing?”

“Yeah, fine. But tell me ... is he hot?”

“Goodbye, Zero.”

***

Kaoru wandered up the driveway, hands shoved in his pockets. He pulled out his key to open the door, then had another idea. He darted off around the side of the house, making his way to the so-called 'workers entrance'. Carefully, as quietly as he could, he unlocked the door, opened it just enough to squeeze through, the clicked it shut behind him. He spied his target sitting at the kitchen table, a thin line of smoke drifting upwards. Slowly, silently, he made his way forwards until he was at the targets back.

“HOW ARE YOU, KYO?” he yelled, jumping back as the small body flew first up, then around with fists flying.

“Fucking hell, Kaoru! You're such a bastard! Can't you see I'm reading? Why the hell do you enjoy tormenting me so much?”

“Because you're such an easy target? Because you're reactions never fail to have me in stitches?” Kaoru laughed, wiping tears away from the corners of his eyes.

“Yeah? Well one day it's going to be literal stitches. You're just lucky I didn't have a knife in my hand,” Kyo scowled, but his face began to soften almost immediately. “What brings you here, anyway?”

“Die called. I hear he found Shinya.”

“Yeah, he did. Fuck, what a nightmare. Shinya's had one hell of a headtrip done on him. It's been hell pretending I don't know who he is.”

“I bet. I'm sorry, Kyo.”

Kyo shrugged.

“It's not your fault. But you can imagine what Die's been like. He's gone all...”

“Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?”

“Yeah, that's pretty much it. Especially with Shinya. One second he's all smiles, the next it's like he's taking out all his frustration on him. Which of course he then gets guilty about, and it's all turning into one huge fucking mess. And just to make matters worse, one of Shinya's friends from his 'work'” - Kyo almost spat the word - “got attacked last night. Take a guess as to how Die found out about it. And so now everything is even worse, though thankfully I've managed to avoid the worst of it.”

“So that's where I come in.”

“So it would seem.”

“Right. Well, I suppose I'd better go up and see him. Do you know where he is?”

“He'll either be in Shinya's room, or in his room keeping guard.”

“Which one did he put Shinya in?”

“Take a guess.”

“The one opposite his own?”

“Got it in one.”

“Shit. That's going to make things difficult.”

“Tell me about it.”

“How's your job going?”

Kyo wrinkled his nose before answering.

“Interesting. It would seem that you were right about Toshiya.”

“Didn't I tell you? And what lesson did you learn today?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Kyo said dryly.

“Repeat after me: Kaoru is always right.”

“I'll never repeat that.”

“One day you will. Anyway. Up to see Die, I think. Wish me luck.”

“Good luck. You'll need it.”

“I know.”

Kaoru gave a quick wave as Kyo sat back down at the table after making sure the door was firmly bolted. He wondered what it was going to be like seeing Shinya again. It had been so long, and he was bound to have changed. From what he had heard, he had changed. More than any of them had expected. It was going to be hard pretending.

“But if Kyo can do it, so can I.” he whispered, taking a breath before making his way up the stairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Seven

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 05:57:12 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 7/?
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: “Tell me he'll be alright.” he whispered, fear filling him, both for Hizumi himself and for Tsukasa who surely would have been with him and would have witnessed whatever it was that had happened.

“Shinya, you know I can't say that. Not without-”

“Can't you just pretend?” Shinya snapped, jerking his body away from Die.
Comments: Lol. So yeah...here the plot is beginning to thicken, as it were. Or something ^_^; Enjoy! =D

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Seven

“What happened to him?” Shinya asked as the car sped through the Tokyo streets.

“I don't know. All I've heard is that something happened, and he's being rushed to the hospital right now. We should make it not long after he does.”

Shinya hugged himself, his arms tight around his own body. Die reached across tentatively, one hand resting on Shinya's shoulder. Shinya shrugged, but when Die's hand stayed where it was he decided to just leave it there. It was oddly comforting to have that human contact right now, even if it was coming from the red head. They travelled in silence, Shinya gradually beginning to relax his hold on himself as Die began gently massaging his shoulder.

“Tell me he'll be alright.” he whispered, fear filling him, both for Hizumi himself and for Tsukasa who surely would have been with him and would have witnessed whatever it was that had happened.

“Shinya, you know I can't say that. Not without-”

“Can't you just pretend?” Shinya snapped, jerking his body away from Die.

“Shin. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure he will be alright.”

Shinya turned his head slowly back towards Die and saw that he wasn't lying, wasn't joking, was completely, utterly serious, and he wondered how this man could be sure he could do so much.

“I promise, Shinya. I will make sure he gets everything that he needs. And not just him. Tsukasa, too.”

***

Zero watched the car speed off through the gates and down the road. He wondered what exactly it was they were off to do, but decided he didn't care. They could be leaving for what he set up, could be leaving because of some emergency, could be leaving for one of a thousand different reasons. It didn't matter.

“Where do you think they're going?” Toshiya asked as he lit a cigarette.

“Don't smoke in my car.”

“What? You-”

“I said don't smoke in my car.”

Toshiya huffed, but obediently stubbed his cigarette out. Zero smiled, marvelling at how willing Toshiya was to obey him. He wondered if it was because of his upbringing, because he was so eager for Zero to do a good job, or something else.

“Now. Like I said, I've gotten a job in that house, so this will be the last time we can meet. From now on all our contact will be through my partner. Same number, but you'll need to ask for Karyu. And that's a name it's important you don't forget. If anything goes wrong, no matter how bad it is, Karyu's the one you'll want to get hold of. There's nothing he can't fix. And that goes for the both of us.”

Toshiya nodded, his eyes growing a little more alarmed at the thought that something could go wrong enough for him to need the help of someone like that.

“Now, you'd better go. I'll stay here for the next couple of hours, and see if they come back. Then I'll go get ready, and start my first day at work.”

He pulled out a cigarette as he spoke, enjoying the look of indignation on Toshiya's face as he lit it and took a drag.

***

The car came to a stop in front of the hospital doors, Shinya leaping out before being grabbed by Die. The older man leaned back into the car, hurriedly giving instructions to the driver to stay close until he called him, before turning and leading Shinya into the building.

“Die. This isn't the hospital.”

“Yes, it is. It's just not the hospital you normally go to. This is a private one.”

“Why are we here? We have to go see Hizumi!”

“Hizumi is here. I told them to bring him here. The surgical team have been told to expect him just in case, since I didn't know exactly what had happened. Everyone is waiting for him.”

“What? How? How could you have know in time to divert an ambulance? How would you even be able to do something like that?”

“Look. It's Tsukasa.”

Die pointed at a lone figure standing in the middle of the waiting room, arms wrapped around himself much as Shinya's had been earlier.

“Tsukasa!” Shinya called, breaking out into a run, coming to a stop just in front of the other man.

“Shinya?” Tsukasa's eyes were puffy, his voice shaky, but he didn't seem to be crying anymore.

“Tsukasa, what happened? How are you? How's Hizumi? What...?” He trailed off, unsure of what to say when Tsukasa's eyes began to brim.

“I – he – he saved me. And now he's going to die and it's my fault.” Despite the tears that were beginning to fall again, Tsukasa's voice was dull, emotionless. Shinya said nothing, instead wrapping his arms around Tsukasa, rubbing his hands up and down his friend's back. Together they stood, not moving, until a quiet cough caused Shinya to look up. Die stood at a distance, but he clearly wanted to say something to Shinya.

“Tsukasa, I'll just be a second. I'll be back, ok?”

Tsukasa nodded, not really seeing anything but whatever was playing in front of his mind's eye. Shinya walked over to Die, impatient to find out what he could.

“Did you find anything out?”

“Yeah. He was stabbed, and pretty badly. He's lost a lot of blood, and it wasn't a clean stab, either. It did a lot of damage. They've taken him up and they're working on getting him patched up.”

“Did – is he going to be ok?”

“Those surgeons are the best in the country. He's going to be fine. I promise.”

The strings that had been holding Shinya up were cut, and his knees gave way. Die grabbed him as he fell, his arms tightening to hold him, pulling him close in much the same way that Shinya remembered from their first encounter. All of a sudden he felt confused – this man was an enigma, someone who could be so kind, but was also capable of careless cruelty, someone who claimed to to know more of Shinya's past than Shinya himself did, someone people bowed and scraped to, someone Shinya should hate, but standing there in his embrace filled Shinya with more warmth than he could ever remember feeling. Carefully he reached up, loosely returning the gesture, feeling Die's breath hitch and his arms tighten just that little bit more, and he came to the realisation that whatever else this man was, he was good, and he felt the first kernels of trust beginning to grow.

“You'd better get back to Tsukasa.” Die whispered, tickling the hair next to Shinya's ear. “He's going to need you soon. I'll be waiting here if you need me for anything.”

Shinya found himself oddly reluctant to let go of Die. Right now everything was wrong. Everything but the feeling of being held by this man that just a few hours earlier he had been unable to stand.

“Die? Can you come with us?”

He said the words quietly, half hoping that Die wouldn't hear.

“If you both want me there, I'll come.”

Shinya nodded, pulling slightly away. He turned, and Die's hand fell down to wrap around his waist, their steps falling in synch as they walked back to Tsukasa.

“Tsukasa? This is Die. If it's ok with you, he's going to wait with us.”

Tsukasa looked up, and he jumped in shock.

“You?!” he yelped, his eyebrows drawing down in confusion. “You're the one who found us! Shinya, he's the one who called the ambulance!”

“No, I think you have me confused with someone else.”

“No, I remember your hair. No one else has hair like that. You helped us. You're the reason Hizumi isn't lying dead out on the snow.”

“Believe me, I have been at home all night.”

Shinya watched the exchange, not sure what to think.

“No. I know you. I remember thinking that when you called the ambulance, and I get the same feeling now. Why won't you admit that you helped us? Why did you disappear as soon as the ambulance arrived?”

Tsukasa looked like he was growing frustrated, especially in the face of Die's calm denial.

“This isn't solving anything. We'll go to the surgical waiting room. If we're there, they'll be able to find us more easily as soon as they have news.”

Shinya gave Die a quizzical look, but said nothing, instead allowing Die to lead them through the warren of corridors, up stairs, until they found the room they were looking for.

“You seem to know your way through here quite well.” Shinya said quietly.

“I should do. It's my hospital.”

“What? How can someone own a hospital?”

“I told you. It's private. And that's all you need to know for now.”

The three men sat, the silence descending over them like a blanket. No one seemed willing to make a sound, to even move, until they had word from the doctors about Hizumi. Shinya lost track of how long they had been there, but it must have been hours, because the first light of the day was beginning to stream through the window. The sound of birds waking up, beginning their song was in full flight when the doors were pushed open and a doctor walked in. Tsukasa leapt to his feet, rushing towards the white-coated man, but it was an oddly jerky rush, as though he was unsure what he should be doing.

“Andou-sama!” the doctor said in surprise. “I didn't expect you to be here.”

“Hizumi-san is a close friend of my acquaintance here. You remember Shinya?”

“Yes, of course I do. I'm pleased to meet you again, Shinya-san.”

The doctor bowed, and Shinya was surprised to see that he did indeed recognise the doctor from the party he had attended his first night with Die.

“Forget that! What about Hizumi?” Tsukasa snapped, the frustration and fear finally starting to bubble over. The doctor grew serious again.

“Hizumi-san suffered a particularly bad injury. The weapon had pierced several arteries, leading to a massive loss of blood, and it was a more tearing type injury, rather than a sharp cut, so it was exceedingly difficult to repair the damage. That being said, Hizumi-san managed to hold on until we were able to get the bleeding under control, and as a result we expect him to make a full recovery.”

Shinya felt the relief flood through him, and he clung to Die's arm, sure he would fall over again if he didn't. Tsukasa, however, had no such problem. He seemed to have been suddenly flooded with energy, his grin threatening to split his face in two, and he appeared to be unable to stay still, bouncing from one foot to the other.

“Now before you get too excited, it will take time for him to get better. His stomach muscles have been cut, and due to the loss of blood he's going to be very very tired. It will take him time to even be able to walk without pain, and until he is recovered I'd recommend that he stays away from overly strenuous activity. At least, nothing that is likely to cause him further injury. He's going to need to be looked after. But I've seen people die from less. He must have a very strong reason to want to stay here.”

Shinya let go of Die and darted across to Tsukasa, the two friends hugging one another once again, but this time the relief and joy they felt was palpable. Shinya noticed Die and the doctor speaking quietly off to one side, and the rush of affection he felt for all the red head had done threatened to sweep him away.

“You know, Hizumi does have a strong reason to stay here,” Shinya whispered.

“He promised he wouldn't leave without me, and he didn't.” Tsukasa said, clinging even tighter to Shinya.

“Tsukasa-san? Hizumi-san is still asleep, but you can see him briefly if you wish.”

Tsukasa looked at Shinya, and when the blond nodded, Tsukasa turned to eagerly follow the doctor. Shinya looked at Die, walking over to him to stand right before him.

“Thank you, Die. For everything you've done tonight. I can't even begin to thank you enough.”

“It's fine, Shinya. Really. And if Tsukasa asks, neither of them need to worry about the hospital bill. I'll get it sorted. All they need to worry about is getting Hizumi better.”

Shinya stared, open mouthed. The thought of the bill had never even occurred to him, but now that Die had mentioned it...

“We can't...” he said hoarsely. “We can't take this much from you.”

“It's the life of someone who is close to someone I care about. It was the absolute least I could do. I only regret that I couldn't do more.”

Shinya was absolutely dumbstruck. Die looked away, his face beginning to colour, and before Shinya knew what he was doing he had stepped in, wrapping his arms tight around the older man, breathing in his scent.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Six

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 11:03:28 GMT

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Six

Shinya stared at Die, completely dumbfounded.

“What?”

“You grew up in this house, Shinya. Before your parents died.”

“No I didn't. You're lying. I don't know what the hell it is exactly that you want from me, but lying about stuff like this is not going to help you get it.”

“I'm not lying Shinya. This was your house.”

“No, you're lying. And do you know how I know you're lying? Because only my father is dead. He killed himself, then my mother sold me, just abandoned me, because she was no mother at all and couldn't be bothered raising a child without my fathers help.”

“That's not true, Shinya. Your father killed himself, that I'll give you. But your mother never abandoned you to live her own life. She gave you to Tatsuya, thinking he was running an orphanage. She was sick. She was already dying. She kept it secret, though who knows why. By the time we- by the time people around her found out, she had already given you up and passed away. No one could find you anywhere.”

“No. No. My mother never loved me. Never.”

“She loved you very much.”

“I'm going back now.”

Shinya turned and ran, not paying any sort of attention to where he was going, just trying to get away from Die and his lies.

My mother abandoned me. She didn't love me. She's still out there somewhere. She didn't die. She never loved me...

Shinya ran and ran, not once noticing the footsteps following behind.

***

“Hizumi, can we go out together tonight?”

“Of course we can. Why would you even need to ask?”

“I just ... I don't know. I was just kind of worried you wouldn't want to go with me. I've been kind of mean the last couple of days.”

“Tsukasa, it's fine. I don't take any of it personally. And anyway. You've been worried about Shinya.”

Tsukasa looked up and smiled. “Have I ever told you that I love you the most out of everybody here?”

Hizumi's own smile faltered at that, and it felt like Tsukasa had just kicked him in the stomach.

How much do I wish that you meant that the way I do?

“I love you too, Tsukasa.”

***

Shinya found himself standing outside the gates of Die's house. They were locked, and he had no way of getting in, but it didn't stop him from shaking the bars, determined to get them off their hinges.

“Shinya,” Die panted, catching up with the blond. “Here. Let me open them.”

Shinya dropped his arms from the gates, folding them in front of him. He refused to answer Die. He had no idea why he was so angry. It was just a made up story, and it wasn't like people hadn't done stuff like that before.

So why am I letting this affect me so much?

“Shin, I want you to know that I'm not making this up. You lived in that house. Your parents were wonderful parents.”

“Let me inside. I need to get my stuff.”

Shinya pushed passed Die as the gates opened, forcing himself not to run, maintaining an even pace. He refused to listen to anything Die had to say, instead making his way to his room. Die eventually took the hint, his voice growing still, but he didn't stop following Shinya, remaining a careful few steps behind. Shinya pushed the door open, regretting slightly that he didn't shove it hard enough for it to bounce back into Die. He began tearing his clothes out of the drawers, flinging them into the middle of the room.

“Shinya. What are you doing.”

Shinya ignored Die, continuing to collect together what few belongings he had. He was aware of Die moving, but had no idea what he was doing until Die grabbed him, pinning him against the wall.

“Shinya. I asked you what you're doing.”

“What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving.”

Die's face grew calm, expressionless, and Shinya's stomach muscles grew tight in alarm.

“Why would you go back there? I know how you are all treated.”

“At least there I know exactly what's going to happen. I know no one will pull something like what you did. I don't know what the hell you thought you were doing, but I'm not going to put up with it.”

“Yes you will. You are staying here. Because I've paid for you, Shinya. That means that for the time that I've bought you, you're mine.”

Die suddenly leaned forward, crushing his lips against Shinya's own, his hands dropping down to Shinya's hips to pull their two bodies together. Shinya stood, frozen in shock as Die feverishly began kissing his face, making his way down to bite gently on his neck.

“So I really am here for you to use and abuse as you please.”

Die stopped at the dull voice, releasing Shinya as he looked up.

“I'm going to get through to you, Shinya.”

He backed away, staring straight into Shinya's eyes until the blond felt his skin begin to crawl.

“You're staying until the week is up. If I haven't changed your mind by then, you're free to go. But until then you stay.”

Die turned, pulling the door shut behind him. It was only faint, but Shinya heard the click as the key was turned in the lock.

“If I've changed my mind? What on earth would possess me to stay here with someone like that?” he muttered, feeling all the fight leave him. His eyes dropped to the pile of clothes on the floor, and the thought crossed his mind that perhaps he should pick them up, put them away.

No. HE can get them cleaned up.

He knew it was a childish, petty way to act, but he didn't care. His frustration was reaching all new levels, and now here he was, stuck in a locked room, trapped in here by someone who he honestly had no idea if he was insane or not.

There must be SOME way for me to get out of here...

He made his way over to the windows, not really believing that he would be able to get them open and finding that he was right. His hand drifted, almost of it's own accord, up to his lips, gently brushing over where Die had kissed him. A storm of butterflies flew up in his stomach, and he squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to acknowledge the feeling. It was altogether too close to the dream he had had while waiting for Die, if at the other end of the niceness spectrum.

“Why is he doing this to me?” he whispered, staring out the window.

***

Zero made his way back out of the house. It had been a stroke of luck, getting Kyo to talk for so long. By the time he had finished, Die had returned, and he had been distracted enough by something that it had taken only a few words from Kyo to have him agreeing to hire him. It was dependent on security checks, but they wouldn't find a single thing on Shioyama Nobuya. His life had been squeaky clean. The job was his.

Now the work gets interesting...

First on his list was Shinya. He had to find out everything about him, and that included his exact relationship with Die. So far Kyo hadn't given anything away, but he had to be careful not to ask too much. Seeming too interested would just be seen as suspicious. And in any case ... he had a plan to get Shinya out into the open. There would be time. Toshiya was willing to wait, so long as waiting didn't mean his own plans went up in smoke. Zero smiled to himself. That was an interesting one. Toshiya. He had no idea what the man was up to, and really didn't care, but he was certain that should he ever find out, any effort expended in doing so would be more than worth it. The man had depths, that was for certain. And though Zero had worked for some truly evil men in his time, he didn't think Toshiya was bad as such. Misguided, self-centred, deluded to the core, yes, but not bad. Maybe after he was done here he would try and find out, since a little fun never hurt anyone.

Can't be all work, after all.

***

Hizumi and Tsukasa walked their way down the narrow side streets, the back alleys that were their usual haunts. The snow had fallen again, a thick coating that hid the dirt, the tiredness, and left everything fresh. Hizumi stared at the pristine whiteness, wondering if he would ever find someway to feel the same way. He glanced up at Tsukasa, who was doing his best to entice a couple of guys who had evidently gotten lost, and wondered if Tsukasa would ever want to reclaim that feeling. So far tonight Hizumi had made nothing. His growing obsession with looking after Tsukasa had made sure of that. He couldn't bear to leave him for one second out here by himself, where anything could happen to him. He knew all too well what could happen to someone like Tsukasa, and he was damned if he would let it happen ever again.

“Hizumi. What's the matter? You're not even trying tonight.”

Hizumi smiled wanly, but any words he could have spoken died long before they reached his throat.

“Hizumi? You're starting to worry me.”

“Don't worry about me, Tsukasa-chan. You know I'll always be fine.”

“Hizumi? Don't talk like that. It scares me. It makes me think that you're planning on doing something. Something bad. Something that might hurt you.”

Tsukasa had such a look of concern on his face that Hizumi couldn't resist pulling him into an embrace, almost crushing the other man but he couldn't bring himself to let go, just wanting to feel him as close as possible.

“Well, well. Look what we have here. A couple of faggot whores.”

Hizumi spun towards the voice, instinctively pushing Tsukasa behind him.

“Oh look. Protecting your faggot boyfriend, are you?”

Hizumi could hardly see the man the voice belonged to. His voice was deep, his words slurred. He was almost certainly a drunk that had wandered down this way, and was eager for a fight.

“Look. You leave us alone, and we'll leave you alone, okay? How does that sound?”

“Yeah? And what if I don't want to leave you alone? What if I want to mess around a bit?”

“Then you'll have to find someone else. We aren't here to mess around.”

“I don't think I like you. But your boyfriend there – I like the look of him. Give him to me.”

“No.” Hizumi spoke quietly, steel in his voice. He could take himself being spoken to like that, hell, if worst came to worst then he could take whatever this guy wanted to dish out. But not Tsukasa.

There's no WAY I'll let you touch Tsukasa.

“Tsukasa, huh?”

Hizumi hadn't realised he'd spoken out loud until the drunk before them spoke again.

“I think I'll have you, Tsukasa.”

Before Hizumi knew what had happened the man had grabbed him and pulled him away, throwing him into the wall before grabbing at Tsukasa.

Not again. I'm not letting this happen again.

He picked himself up, getting ready to launch himself forwards. Tsukasa was fighting, but without warning he froze, his eyes widening. Hizumi took his chance and grabbed the man, spinning him around and away from Tsukasa. There was a clatter as something bounced off the wall, and the man ran. Hizumi looked down in a daze at the knife lying on the snow, red droplets sprayed out around it.

“Hizumi! Hizumi, what did he -” Tsukasa froze before Hizumi, his eyes growing even wider, his hand flying to his mouth. “Hizumi, what did he do...”

Hizumi looked down at his stomach, the pain finally kicking in, watching as the trickle that had caused the spray widened into a flood, the red pouring down his legs to stain what had been such perfect snow. He sunk to his knees, looking up at Tsukasa as tears poured down the other man's face almost as fast as the blood was flowing out of Hizumi. His vision began to grow dim, the cold spreading up his body, onto the side of his face as he lay on the snow. He opened his mouth, trying to tell Tsukasa that he was fine, he would be fine.

“...love you...”

“Hizumi! Wake up. You promised you wouldn't leave me behind!”

***

Shinya lay on the bed, blankets carelessly thrown over him. It was pitch black outside.

Must be at least three... he thought, wondering how the others were getting on at the moment. He was missing Hizumi and Tsukasa particularly. As much as he hated Tatsuya, he was still looking forward to getting back to see his friends. He stretched, smiling as he thought of what the others could be up to.

Knowing Hizumi, he's probably following Tsukasa like a lost puppy.

He stretched a little, sleepiness finally beginning to claim him. He was just growing drowsy, about to drop off, when the lock rattled and Die came bursting through the door. The light flicked on and Shinya sat up, blinking as Die threw some clothes onto the bed.

“Shinya, get dressed. We have to get to the hospital.”

“What? Why?”

“You have a friend named Hizumi, don't you?”

Shinya's veins felt as though they had flooded with ice.

“Yes,” he answered, and it was only then that he noticed how pale and strained Die's face was.

“You have to come to the hospital now.”

Shinya wasted no time in throwing the clothes on and following Die out the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Five

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 09:37:34 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 5/?
Author: nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: For the most part Shinya had just sat around the room, although Die had given him permission to walk around the house. Truth be told, Shinya was just too tired to do anything much, and so he had been grateful for the peace that he had been given.
Comments: This chapter I'm going to dedicate to xxxshinyasxxx, for being such a good friend. I hopes you feel better now ^_^
Slowly, slowly, things are starting to fall into place. I don't really have much more to say to that ^_^;

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Five

Shinya sat on the edge of his bed, idly kicking his feet back and forth. The previous day Die had left him pretty much to his own devices, only popping in to see him when he was getting ready to have food brought up. For the most part Shinya had just sat around the room, although Die had given him permission to walk around the house. Truth be told, Shinya was just too tired to do anything much, and so he had been grateful for the peace that he had been given. When night had fallen he had climbed back into the pyjamas he had woken in and clambered back into bed, pulling the blankets right around him, savouring the all too rare feeling of security. When he had eventually woken it had been to the sight of the imp hovering right over his face, grinning madly. Shinya had jumped, causing their heads to bang together.

“Ow! What sort of greeting is that? And after I brought you breakfast, too.” the shorter man had said, rubbing his forehead.

“Huh? What sort of way is that to wake up? You do realise what your face looks like, don't you?” Shinya had retorted, feeling slightly guilty at being overly mean but too annoyed to really care.

“What's wrong with my face? Ok, my teeth are kinda crooked, but aside from that what exactly is there? I'll tell you what: nothing, that's what. You better watch how you speak to people, boy.”

Shinya had mumbled an apology, and the imp had handed him the tray and wandered back out again. He ate, refraining from licking the plate again just in case, and had made his way down to the clothes room, picking out some pants and a shirt to wear. He wondered how long it would take to get through everything that was in there, then gave up, thinking it would probably be impossible to wear all that the room contained.

“I hope you're putting on something decent.”

“Depends on your definition of decent, I suppose.”

Shinya was beginning to grow used to the way people in this house seemed to sneak up on him, so when Die spoke he casually turned his head while continuing to pick out clothes.

“Let me see.”

Shinya cocked his head. It seemed the old Die was back again. His voice was gruff, his face expressionless. There was no trace whatsoever of the soft, almost caring man from yesterday. He held his hand out, fingers twitching impatiently for Shinya to hand over the clothes he had picked. Hesitantly Shinya held them out, and Die held them up, inspecting them for...

What? What is so important about what I'm wearing?

“These are fine. Put them on and wait in your room. I'll come and get you once I'm ready.”

Shinya had nodded, returning to his room and changing, brushing his hair out, and now he waited for whatever it was Die was after. Half an hour, and hour, two ... he lost track of how long he sat and waited. Eventually he lay back down, letting his eyes drift shut. He was vaguely aware of sounds around him – birds chirping, cars travelling the roads far from the house, but as his mind stilled he noticed them less and less. In his mind Die entered the room, his bright hair cascading around his shoulders, clad in a black tuxedo. He smiled and sat next to Shinya, pulling him towards him until Shinya's head was resting on his lap. Gently he began stroking the blond's hair, his free hand resting on Shinya's shoulder, gently squeezing and massaging his shoulders. Shinya sighed and looked up to see Die smiling down at him, his eyes so soft and full of feeling. Shinya smiled shyly, and Die leaned down, pressing his lips so softly to Shinya's that the younger man could hardly tell they were there. Hungrily he leaned up, wrapping his arms around the red head and forcing him to kiss him harder, their tongues fighting for dominance. Reluctantly they separated, Shinya's eyes fluttering open to look into Die's eyes.

“Die...” he whispered.

“Yes?”

Shinya's eyes snapped open, the dream shattered as reality returned.

What the HELL was that all about?

He could feel his face heating when he realised Die really was standing just in front of him, and his stomach grew icy when he noticed that Die was dressed in exactly the same way he had been in his dream.

“I – I was just sleeping.”

Die stood over Shinya, his face as unreadable as it had been that morning.

“Hmm. Get up. We're going out.”

***

Zero sat in the car, idly waiting for the right time. His ... 'inquiries' ... within Die's household may well have proven to be very useful. He opened the door of the car when he saw movement behind the gates, smoothing his hair down before locking the door and jogging forwards. He rang the bell, waiting nervously. Die pulled the gates open himself, much to Zero's surprise.

So they neglected to mention just how hands on he can be...

“Can I help you?”

“Andou-sama? My name is Shioyama Nobuya. I've come about the job in the kitchen?”

“Oh. Well, I'm a little busy today, Nobuya-san. Please come back again in a few days.”

“Well may I perhaps speak to someone else? If they don't like me, they can tell me now, and you won't need to waste your time at all.”

Die stood and stared at Zero. He thought he was beginning to understand Die's somewhat formidable reputation, just based on the penetrating stare that he had.

“Fine. I'm on my way out now, but I'll call my chef to come and get you, so you can wait here for now. How will that be?”

“That would be very good. I thank you very much, Andou-sama.”

“Yes, alright. Shinya? Come on. We're going now.”

Zero watched in interest as he got his first glimpse of Shinya. He was tall – not quite as tall as Die, but the shoes he had on put him pretty close. His hair was long and blond, and he was dressed in dark blue jeans and a silvery, loose fitting shirt, quite in contrast to Die's immaculate tuxedo. The man was quite striking, if a little on the thin side. He had accentuated his eyes with mascara and eyeliner, and he seemed to be quite shy. Shy, that is, until he looked at Zero. In his eyes Zero recognised someone like himself – strong, stubborn, and far from easily pushed around. Someone, in fact, who would be a much more formidable target than Die himself, despite his reputation.

This could prove to be very interesting ... I think I see now why Toshiya is so threatened.

He watched as the gates clanked closed, watched as Die pulled his cellphone out and call the house, watched as the mismatched pair made their way down the private road, one more than overdressed for the occasion. He was intrigued, and only the knowledge that he still had a more important job to do stopped him from following them.

***

“Tsukasa, I'm not going to work tonight.”

“What? Don't be stupid, Hizumi. Tatsuya will beat the shit out of you if you refuse to go.”

“I know. But I'm not doing it. I've had enough, Tsukasa. Haven't you?”

“How many times do I have to tell you, what we want doesn't matter anymore. It's too late for us.”

“But-”

“But nothing, Hizumi! It's about time you accepted it, don't you think? And anyway, you promised to help me. You still haven't told me what you found out about the guy that Shinya's gone off with.”

Hizumi sat next to Tsukasa in frustrated silence. He knew that they could have a better life. He knew that if he had the chance he would be able to find a way to look after Tsukasa, find a way to protect him so that neither of them would ever have to work, to live like this again. But so long as they stayed here, that chance would never come. They'd never be able to break free. And though it made him feel guilty just for thinking it, part of him blamed Tsukasa for that. Living like this, no matter how bad it could get, no matter how close Tsukasa had come to dying – it was still all that they knew. And for someone like Tsukasa, the break into the unknown was just too big.

“Hizumi? What did you find out?”

“I can't tell you. Not yet. Not until I find out if it's true or not. But believe me ... if it is, we're kinda screwed.”

“Hizumi?”

“Yeah?”

Hizumi looked over at Tsukasa, his chest threatening to burst even as a wave of overwhelming affection threatened to drown him. The way Tsukasa looked right now, his stubbornness, his fear, his worry, they all blended into one as he looked at Hizumi with pleading eyes.

“You won't leave me behind, will you?”

Hizumi pulled Tsukasa closer, holding the other's head to his chest.

“I'll never leave you behind, Tsukasa.”

***

“Die? Where are we going? And why are you in a tuxedo?”

“You'll see. And I'm in it because I haven't had a chance to get changed yet. Why? Don't you like it?”

Die grinned over his shoulder as he walked, his hands shoved carelessly into his pockets.

So. Nice Die is back again, is he?

Shinya shrugged, deciding to just see what was happening. On and on they trudged, until finally Die came to a stop in front of an obviously abandoned house. He looked from Shinya to the house and back again, smiling.

“Well? What do you think?”

“Um. Think of what? It's an abandoned house. It looks like it's been abandoned for a long time.”

Die looked at Shinya, the smile fading from his face until it was replaced by the sad look from the day before.

“You don't remember?”

“Remember what? What the hell are you talking about?”

Shinya was beginning to grow frustrated. It seemed that all Die had brought him here for was to play games.

“You grew up in this house, Shinya. Before your parents died. This was where you lived.”

***

Zero walked behind the one who had introduced himself as the head chef. He had given his name as Kyo, but Zero had been in his line of work long enough to know that wasn't the name he had been given as a baby. Maybe it was just a nickname, maybe there was something more to it. It was something he would have to find out. He memorised the layout as they walked, taking notes of what rooms lay where, looking out for anything that he might need to know in future. To his great surprise he could find no evidence of cameras anywhere, hidden or otherwise. Either they were extremely well hidden, or there just weren't any.

And he grows more and more interesting...

“Here we go. Take a seat, Shioyama-san.”

Zero sat, handing his references and identification over as he did so. He was quite proud of the work he had done on them. There was absolutely no way anyone would be able to figure out just how fake they actually were. He allowed his attention to wander while Kyo spoke, answering at appropriate times, smiling when required, but otherwise making sure he could get as familiar with this place as he could. There was no way he was going to be turned down for this. Kyo was as good as wrapped around his little finger already, judging by the way he was fawning over everything he had handed over. And with Kyo on side, it was only a matter of time until Die was convinced. And after that...

You're all mine.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Four

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 07:48:35 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 4/?
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: He groaned, forcing unwilling muscles to respond, pulling himself into a sitting position.
Comments: Introduction of a couple more characters =D Things are starting to move along now for certain people, too ^_^

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Four

Shinya blinked, his surroundings gradually coming into focus.

What the...

He groaned, forcing unwilling muscles to respond, pulling himself into a sitting position. A thick blanket fell from him as he moved, pooling around his waist. He looked down to find that he was wearing, of all things, a pair of pyjamas covered in cartoon cats.

“Why...?” he breathed, his heart beginning to pound in his chest. The door began to creak open and he spun his head to look, clutching the blanket back up to his chest as if it could protect him.

“Shinya? You're awake. Good.” Die pushed the door further open, entering the room as he spoke, his face a mix of concern, fear ... and something else Shinya couldn't identify.

“What happened? The last thing I remember is following you out of that room. Did you drug me?” he yelled, anger suddenly filling him. The last time Die had dragged him somewhere, the same thing had happened, and he knew he had been drugged that time.

“Drugged? Of course I didn't! I would never do that to - “ Die stopped abruptly, his eyes widening slightly. He shook his head, the calm expression returning as he did so. “You were following me and just ... fell. I don't know what happened. I brought you up here, had a doctor look at you. He said you were exhausted and to just let you sleep. So that's what I did.”

Shinya sat in silence, his mind racing. It was true he didn't feel like he'd been drugged, just tired, but still ... he couldn't help but feel that Die was hiding something. There was something in the way he had stopped so abruptly, something in that strange look he'd had on his face when he first entered the room.

“So what am I doing today. I assume I'm going to have to earn my keep at some point.”

Die gave him a quizzical look, tilting his head to the side.

“You have to eat,” he said, looking as though he was going to give up on trying to work our what Shinya was getting at. “I'll have some food brought up.”

Shinya sighed as Die left the room, wondering yet again just why exactly he was here. It wasn't that he didn't trust Die – well, actually, that had a lot to do with it – but there was something else. He hated feeling that there was something going on that involved him in some way. Slowly he pushed the blanket back down, looking for the first time since he had woken up at the room he was in. Maybe he could find something he could work with here, though it was highly unlikely that there would be anything useful. It wasn't the room that Die had told him would be his. That room had been huge, whereas this one was not small, exactly, but certainly a lot smaller than that one had been. The bed was still huge, taking up a good chunk of the available floor space, and there were two sets of drawers, one with an enormous mirror. He climbed off the bed and padded over to stand in front of the mirror. The pyjamas he was wearing were too big. They hung off him, not enough to trip him up, but enough to emphasise just how thin he was. He hugged himself, feeling oddly comfortable in these clothes that weren't his, and sighed again. Very faintly he detected a smell, something familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. He sighed again, letting his arms fall back to his sides before leaning down and opening the drawers one by one.

“You'll only find your own things in there.”

Shinya jumped up in alarm, the strange voice shocking him out of his search.

“I – I was just looking for some clothes to wear.”

“Yeah. I'm sure you were.” was the not quite sarcastic reply. Shinya stared at the new arrival. He was a short, bleached blond man, dressed in a white shirt and checked pants. His hair was sticking out in all directions from under a white cloth tied around his head. He had in his hands a tray full of covered dishes, and his eyes twinkled in impish amusement.

“I was! Anyway, who are you?”

“Like I said, sure you were. Who am I? I'm the chef here. And I come bearing the food Die asked me to cook for you. Well, when I say he asked me to cook it for you, I mean he just asked for food but didn't tell me what. So you get what you get, and you'll like it.”

Shinya watched as the imp put the tray down on the other set of drawers and turned to look at him.

“So. Where are you gonna eat this? You gonna eat in bed, or you want me to get a chair out for you? I don't think Die's gonna care either way, so long as you eat.”

“You call him Die.”

“What else would I call him?”

“Everyone else calls him Daisuke-sama.”

“Yeah, like I'd call that tosser any name other than Die. Except maybe 'oi, you tosser'. I'm not going to bow and scrape to Die of all people like everyone else does.”

Shinya stared in amazement at the little man in front of him. If he was the chef here, and this was Die's house, then that would make Die this man's boss. But he certainly wasn't acting like an employee. Maybe he should be careful. He decided to try a new tack.

“Why does everyone call him that? Who is he exactly?”

The imp let out a long, low whistle before snickering.

“You serious? Are you honestly telling me you don't know who Andou Daisuke is? Well, if Die hasn't seen fit to tell you, I'm not about to go against him. He may be a tosser, but he's still my friend. So you'll have to find out from someone else. Now. What's your name, so that when Die forgets he hasn't told me and starts talking about you like I'm supposed to know what in the hell he's on about, I actually have a clue.”

“Shinya. Terachi Shinya. What's your name?”

“Shinya, huh?” the imp continued, blithely ignoring Shinya's question. “That's a rather pretty name, isn't it? And how fitting it is, too. See. I know a little something about you.”

Shinya flushed red, suddenly deeply ashamed. This man had a penetrating gaze, and it seemed that he could read right into the very heart of Shinya. He folded his arms, trying to stare the imp down, failing miserably.

“I'll eat now. If you're done, you can go. I don't need to be watched.”

The imp shrugged as if to say 'suit yourself', turned and left. Shinya turned to the tray, the smells drifting up from it by now making his mouth water. He took the lids off all the dishes, eager to start eating. Miso. Plain white sticky rice. Rice sprinkled through with black sesame. Tonkatsu. Shredded cabbage. Yakisoba. Not his idea of breakfast, but then again, for the last how ever many years it had been, breakfast had been a mythical meal. He picked up the chopsticks and began eating, not realising until the first bite touched his lips just how hungry he was. He couldn't remember the last time he had tasted anything quite this good. Before he knew it the plates and bowls were empty, and with a quick look around to make sure no one had entered without him noticing, he lifted a plate and began to lick the sauce off.

“Hungry, were you? He's a good cook though. I can understand the wanting to eat every last bit.”

Shinya froze, only his eyes turning to see Die leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, lips curling up to betray a smile at the sight of Shinya standing with a plate held up to his face, tongue sticking out. Slowly Shinya closed his mouth, gently lowering the plate back onto the tray.

“Still in your pyjamas, I see.”

“I haven't had time to get changed yet.”

“That's ok. Just take your time. It's up to you whether you want to wear your own clothes, or go back to the room downstairs and choose something from there.”

“I'm upstairs? I thought my room was downstairs.”

Die looked away, staring at something in the corner of the room.

“After what happened last night, I thought it best to keep an eye on you. This room is opposite my own.”

Something inside Shinya snapped.

“What the hell am I doing here, Daisuke? Who the hell are you? What was all that about last night?”

Die just looked back at Shinya, his expression sad.

“I can't tell you just yet. But you'll find out.”

***

Hizumi sat on his bed with Tsukasa, gently stroking the silent boy's hair.

“You shouldn't have gone in there, you know.”

“How could I not, hearing what was happening?”

“What good did it do? You have a huge bruise on the side of your face, and it still kept happening. Still. At least the distraction worked, huh?”

Hizumi froze.

“Tsukasa. Did you set that up?”

“Set what up?”

“You know what I'm talking about. Now answer the question.”

“I'm a fucking whore, Hizumi, just like you. It's not like I was letting him take my innocence or whatever fairy tale you have running through your head. I'll do whatever it takes to get things done. And this is to help our friend, Hizumi. It was nothing.”

Hizumi sat in silence, a million emotions rushing through him and threatening to sweep him away. Anger, sadness, pity, all circling a numb core. The thought that Tsukasa would give himself up to anyone who asked, offer himself to even someone like Tatsuya to help someone else, when Hizumi couldn't even bring himself to kiss Tsukasa out of love...

“Why do you do this, Tsukasa...” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.

“The same reason you do, Hizumi. It's not like we have a choice anymore.”

***

“So what are you planning on doing?”

“I haven't decided yet. I don't know what Andou knows. Knowing that bastard he's probably perfectly aware of what Shinya is and is enjoying toying with everyone.”

Toshiya sat opposite a dark haired man, smoking cigarette after cigarette. This man had come highly recommended, though so far he had done nothing but ask questions any fool could find the answers to on their own. Still, the people who had suggested him to Toshiya were the types of people who knew what they were talking about, so for now he tolerated it. It wasn't like it had been cheap just to get this meeting, so he might as well get his moneys worth.

“How about for starters I find out exactly what Andou knows about this Terachi, and what their connection is.”

“It won't be that easy. Andou doesn't let just anyone find out about him.”

“I'm not just anyone. And it will be that easy. Just give me the word, and we can start negotiating.”

“I told you, you've never dealt with anyone like Andou. You can't use whatever your normal tricks are.”

“Do you want me to do this or not? If you don't, I'll leave now and we can pretend this never happened.”

Toshiya sat and stared at the blank faced other. A thousand thoughts were running through his head, but there was one overpowering all the others: there was no way he could allow this Terachi Shinya to ruin his plans. He stubbed out his cigarette, already pulling a new one out of the pack as he reached a decision.

“Do it. And I want to hear back from you once you've found out as much as you can. I'll decide what I want you to do next once I know what's going on.”

The man nodded once and stood.

“I'll be in contact. It may take a few days.”

“Wait. What if I need to get in touch with you?”

The man stood and stared down at Toshiya, his face unreadable. He stood staring for so long that Toshiya began to think he'd made a mistake in asking. With a barely perceptible movement, the man held out a card. Toshiya took it and looked. All that was printed on it was a number. No name. Nothing else at all.

“Ask for Zero.”

Toshiya watched as Zero walked away.

Zero, huh? We'll see how accurate that is once I'm done with you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Three

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 10:57:56 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 3/?
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: Shinya stood stiffly at Die's side, the older man still keeping his arm firmly around the younger's shoulders.
Comments: Hmmm. Things are starting to get a bit worse for some characters, a bit better for others. And now begins the introduction of a few more ^_^ Enjoy!

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Three

Shinya stood stiffly at Die's side, the older man still keeping his arm firmly around the younger's shoulders. He had no idea what in the hell was going on, except that this party – or whatever it was, Shinya still wasn't too sure – seemed to be in Die's honour. Person after person came to pay their respects to the redhead, Die smiling graciously at each fawning compliment. Shinya noticed that there was a group of three or four men who never went far from Die's vicinity though.

They look like bodyguards... why does he need bodyguards?

He couldn't very well ask Die now – not with all these people around, and not after the warning Die had given him. He hadn't specified what would happen, but something told Shinya that he wouldn't like it.

“So, Shinya-san. What is it you do for a living? I imagine it must be something fairly exciting, to have brought you into contact with someone like Daisuke-sama.”

Shinya's head shot up as the voice floated towards him. He stared straight ahead, into the eyes of a man about his age, his long black hair elaborately decorated with blue accessories. The man stared intently back at Shinya, and try as he might Shinya couldn't find anything warm in those eyes at all.

“He's just graduated university. As I said earlier, he's the cousin of an acquaintance of mine. He was thinking about getting into a big company, so I offered to introduce him to some people. Tonight seemed as good a night as any.”

Die turned as Shinya began to hastily thinking of a lie, the interruption so smooth that no one would ever have taken it as such. The blond looked up as Die began chatting with the man who had asked the question, completely and effortlessly distracting him. Shinya wondered yet again who exactly he was dealing with. There was more going on here than just honouring someone at their party. They all seemed to automatically defer to him, immediately acknowledge that Die was somehow above them. It made him feel worthless.

Worthless, and yet ... he lived in a way that none of them could ever know. He was beginning to feel his own perverse sense of superiority over them all, knowing that he had seen and experienced things that they could barely imagine with their pampered lives, and he felt his grin begin to widen. The man who had spoken to him seemed to notice, and even as he was speaking to Die his eyes flicked continually over at Shinya. The blond decided to turn on every bit of his charm, and smiled at the man, his eyelids falling til he was looking through his lashes. He leaned closer into Die, feeling the other man stiffen slightly underneath him, though his voice never wavered. He was now drawing more than half the black haired man's attention, and he was sure he could detect a faint flickering of heat in those previously cold eyes.

“How rude of me. I didn't introduce you properly. Shinya, this is Hara Toshimasa. Toshimasa, meet Shinya.”

“Please, call me Toshiya. Toshimasa is such a mouthful, don't you think?”

Shinya bowed low, keeping his eyes fixed on Toshiya's for as long as possible.

“I am pleased to meet you, Toshiya-san.”

Shinya smiled to himself again. This Toshiya would have to be kept in mind, should anything go wrong with Die.

***

“Are you ready, Hizumi?”

“Of course I am. The question is, are you?”

“Yes.”

Hizumi was torn between wanting to smile at Tsukasa's determination, and fearing for him. He had refused to tell Hizumi exactly what his plan was, and now Hizumi was tempted to pull out entirely. But he had promised, and whatever Tsukasa did, would for him be worth it. But if Hizumi backed out, he had the feeling it would be a very long time until Tsukasa forgave him. And so he was stuck, helping Tsukasa do something that somehow Hizumi knew he was going to regret. If he ever found out what it was.

“I'll see you soon then, ok? Just find what we need and get out. Just in case I can't keep him away long enough.”

“Right.”

Tsukasa turned and prepared to leave, pulling up short when Hizumi grabbed his wrist. He turned back to find Hizumi staring at the floor.

“Stay safe, ok Tsukasa?”

“I will.”

Hizumi let go of the other man's wrist, not looking up until he was sure he was gone. Hurriedly he clambered onto the roof, peering over the gutter until he saw Tatsuya approaching the building. He held his breath, hoping that Tsukasa would reach the boss in time, before Hizumi was caught. He watched as Tatsuya got closer and closer, and he bit his lip, almost cutting the skin by the time Tsukasa finally burst out and started gesturing towards Tatsuya. He couldn't hear what Tsukasa was saying, but apparently it worked because Tatsuya turned and hurried back to where the younger man was standing. Together they walked back inside the other building, and Hizumi swung himself over the edge of the roof, hanging by his fingertips before his feet finally felt the ledge of the window. Carefully he edged his way along, easing the window open with his toes. After some minutes of struggling with it, he finally got it open, and he managed to swing himself around and in. Panting, he hit the floor, his fingers aching from holding his weight up all that time. He stood back up, stretching out even as he began his search. He rifled through papers, not quite sure what exactly he was looking for, just trying to find anything that had Shinya's name on it. He could feel the sweat beginning to bead on his forehead the longer he took, and he could almost hear Tatsuya turning his key in the lock, could practically feel the man staring at him going through his desk.

“Dammit, where the hell are you...” he muttered to himself, fingers shaking so badly he dropped a stack of papers to the floor. Panicked, he picked them up, and found what he was looking for.

“What the fuck...”

***

Hizumi walked, still stunned, towards the other building. He had placed the papers back in a daze, and he was sure it would amaze him later that he had managed to get back out of the window without slipping and plummeting to the ground. He still couldn't believe what he'd seen – if, in fact, Tatsuya was telling the truth on that single piece of paper. Then again, he had no reason to lie there. So it had to be true. How the hell he had managed to attract someone like that was beyond Hizumi's knowledge. He stumbled up the stairs, not even really caring if he ran into Tatsuya. It was only when he passed the bathroom that the outside world began to penetrate the fog in his mind. The moans coming from there were all too familiar.

“Tsukasa?” Alarm rising, he burst into the room, only to stop in horror.

“Tsukasa...”

The other man peered around from behind Tatsuya's semi-naked form, bent over the sink, abject misery and a pleading for forgiveness the only things Hizumi could see on his face.

“Get the fuck off him!” he screamed, rushing forwards to pull Tatsuya away. The older man for his part casually swung a hand around, Hizumi spinning away and into the wall as it connected.

“Get out, you little shit. Can't you see I'm busy here?”

All Hizumi could do was watch in numb shock as Tatsuya turned back, pushing Tsukasa's head until Hizumi could no longer see his face.

***

Shinya leaned against Die. It amazed him that even now that Die's conversation had moved to other people, Toshiya stayed around, his glittering eyes fixed firmly on Shinya. It made Shinya more sure that perhaps his backup plan could work, if he was given enough time to work on it.

“Daisuke-sama, I do apologise, but could we have a moment of your time? Alone?”

Die looked down at Shinya, smiling apologetically before releasing him. The blond watched as the older man was lead away, and was not at all surprised when Toshiya moved closer, almost taking Die's spot. They stood in silence, the other people's curious eyes remaining on Shinya for a while longer after Die left. Finally though, they moved off, and Toshiya leaned in closer to whisper into Shinya's ear.

“So. Shinya. Why are you really here?”

“It's like Die said. He's just introducing me to some people before I decide which company I should work for.”

“A very nice lie, but a lie all the same. I know who you are. I know what you do. What I want to know is, how did you worm your way into Daisuke-sama's company? And by company, I mean his house. His life. Someone like you has no right whatsoever to be here.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Toshiya. Maybe you are confusing me with someone else?” The lies continued to roll off Shinya's tongue, but his stomach was tying itself in knots. How could this Toshiya know who he was? Would he say anything to anyone else, or would he wait to find out what Die knew first?

And there goes my safety net...

Toshiya laughed.

“Don't try and play games with me, Shinya-san. You're no match for someone like me. I'm going to find out what you're up too. And then I'll stop you. You'll learn that there's a place for everyone. And this is not yours.”

“Ah, I'm glad to see that the two of you are getting on.”

Shinya shivered slightly as Die materialised, seemingly out of nowhere, at his other side. He shook his head as he realised his smile was matching Toshiya's, so to anyone looking it would appear as though they had just shared a particularly amusing joke.

“I'm sorry, Toshiya, but I'm going to have to take Shinya away from you for now. There is something he needs to do for me.”

“I'm sure there is,” Toshiya said, nodding slightly towards Die. “And I'm sure he'll be only too willing to help you.”

Die gave Toshiya an odd look as he turned, his arm back around Shinya's shoulders as he guided him. Die practically pushed Shinya through the crowd of people still trying to talk to him, and even though there was no possible way for him to be able to see them, Shinya could still feel Toshiya's eyes on his back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter Two

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 04:32:56 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 2/?
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: Shinya sat in the back of the car, too scared to move even an inch. His whole body was rigid, the shock of seeing the man from the night before rendering him unable to even speak.
Comments: Ok. This chapter is relatively light. That's all I really have in the way of comments on this today ^_^; I hope you enjoy, though!

Prologue // Chapter One

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter Two

Shinya sat in the back of the car, too scared to move even an inch. His whole body was rigid, the shock of seeing the man from the night before rendering him unable to even speak. The man had given his name as Andou Daisuke. Shinya had never heard of him before, but he must have money, and a lot of it, to be able to afford to buy someone for an entire week. And it scared Shinya to death. Someone with that amount of money was essentially above the law – not that the law had ever held much sway in Shinya's line of work. But this man ... this man could do whatever he wanted, and never care about consequences, because for someone like him there never were any. And Shinya knew he'd been drugged last night, knew that it had been this man who had either done it, or had allowed it to be done. Just as he knew that there would be nothing stopping him from doing it again.

He risked a glance out of the corner of his eye at this Andou Daisuke. He seemed young, not a lot older than Shinya was. His hair was dyed an incredibly bright red. Shinya couldn't understand how anyone could draw attention to themselves so blatantly.

Well, yeah, I dye my own hair, but at least it's a normal colour! No one has hair that bright...

“So. How old are you, Shinya-san?”

Shinya was startled out of his thoughts by the man's sudden question. He spun slightly until he was facing him, though the redhead continued to gaze out the window.

“I'm twenty-one, Andou-san.”

“And how long have you been doing this?”

“Ever since I can remember, Andou-san.”

“So how many thousands of men do you think you've fucked in your life, Shinya-san? Or are you normally the one who is fucked?”

Shinya's body snapped back around so he was facing forwards again, the words ringing in his ears. He refused to open his mouth, refused to let this man get to him. He could scarcely believe that only a few short hours earlier he had been grateful to this man for first saving his life, then taking him out of that place for an entire week. He could feel him staring, could feel the smug sense of superiority that was radiating from the other man, and silently wished for the first time in his life to go back. At least back there he could rely on Tsukasa at night.

***

“Where do you think Shinya's gone?”

Hizumi looked up at Tsukasa's voice, grinning slightly at the look of apprehension on the other's face.

“I'm sure Shinya's fine, Tsukasa. I saw him leaving in a pretty flash car, so he's gonna be bringing in a lot of money. That should keep that bastard Tatsuya off his back for a good long while.”

“But did you hear who he's left with?”

“No, who?”

“I don't know!” wailed Tsukasa. “That's the point! Usually Tatsuya is only too happy to brag about who the customer is, but this time he's keeping his mouth shut. It worries me, that it's such a big secret. What if something happens? What if Shinya needs helping? We have no way of finding out or keeping an eye on him!”

Hizumi stood, holding Tsukasa's face between his hands and looking into his eyes.

“Tsukasa-chan, Shinya will be fine. You know him. He's perfectly capable of looking after himself.”

Tsukasa shook himself free, batting Hizumi's hands away.

“But you saw him when he left! He was better, but he still barely knew where he was! Someone did something to him last night. What's the bet that it was that same guy. He's going to do something to him again!”

“Tsukasa! Nothing like that is going to happen! Even in Shinya was drugged last night, there's no reason to think that it was the same person. And anyway, it's more likely that Shinya got hungry or thirsty and stole something he shouldn't have. That's all.”

Tsukasa stood in front of Hizumi, his fists balled at his sides.

“You know that's not true, Hizumi. You know Shinya won't steal anything.”

Hizumi sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“You've never liked Shinya, have you? That's why you're refusing to do anything to help him.” Tsukasa whispered, causing Hizumi to flinch.

“Of course I like him!”

But I just can't understand why you're so fixated on him and refuse to ever see me...

“Then why won't you help?”

Hizumi sighed again, squeezing his eyes closed. No matter how he tried, he just couldn't keep denying Tsukasa, couldn't keep trying to show him how loved he was. He had resigned himself long ago to his feelings, but it seemed that some days were harder than others.

“I'll help you, Tsukasa. But I don't know where to start. I mean, we can hardly peer through the windows of every house in Tokyo now, can we?”

“I know where Tatsuya keeps his accounts. If someone can keep him away from his office for long enough, I can break in and find out where Shinya's been taken.”

“Tsukasa! You can't do that! Do you know what'll happen to you if you get caught? How the hell would we be able to keep him away for long enough? No. I won't let you do it. I can't risk you getting hurt again...”

“Fuck you, Hizumi. All I'm asking for is for you to get me a little time. It's not like I'm asking you to -”

“Shut up, Tsukasa. I didn't say we can't look. I said I won't let you look. You can distract him. You're good at that. I'll break in. That way, even if I get caught, you'll still be safe.”

“Hizumi...”

Hizumi brought his hand back up to Tsukasa's face, cupping his cheek and smiling.

“We'll help Shinya, Tsukasa. I just don't want anything to ever happen to you again. Not after last time. I couldn't bear...” he trailed off as the memory hit him again, and he hurriedly pushed it out of his head. He forced a smile back onto his face. “Come on. The faster we get this finished,” he gestured around at the cleaning equipment, “the faster we can get onto planning what exactly we're going to do.”

***

The red haired man flung a door open, gesturing carelessly inside.

“This is your room while you're here. You can leave your bag here for now. Follow me.”

Shinya quickly threw his bag down next to the bed before hurrying after the other man, only have a brief moment to marvel over the size of the bed and the room it was in. The whole house was enormous, and so far the only other person he had seen was the man driving the car. It was a little disconcerting, having all this space seeming to be for just one person. His fear began to grow again as this strange man marched ahead of him, leaving Shinya to almost have to run to keep up. What would happen if he got left behind? Would he be lost in here forever? And why, why was he even here? What did this Andou Daisuke want with him? Aside from the obvious, that was. He could have had any of the other boys, so why did he request Shinya specifically? And what had he done with him the night before?

“Anou, Andou-san...”

“You will not speak unless I speak to you first. This is the first and most important rule. Understood?”

“Yes, Andou-san.”

“Now what did you want to ask me?”

“Anou ... why did you ask for me? Why did you save me last night?”

“Why do you need to know? Isn't it enough that you're here now and not at that place? The question should have been 'what can I do to repay you?' And, of course, the answer is obvious. Do your job.”

Shinya gaped even as he hurried behind Andou. Well. At least he now knew what was expected of him.

“And my name is not Andou-san.”

“But you - “

“By that I mean you do not need to be so formal. Daisuke will be fine. Die is better. I prefer to be called Die.”

Shinya almost ran straight into Die's back, the man stopped so suddenly. He turned his head to to side, still not facing Shinya, but neither was he facing away.

“Please. Don't be afraid. And please. Call me Die.”

“Die...”

Shinya stood in confused silence. He had no idea what to make of this man, who seemed unable to decide himself whether to be kind or cruel.

“You may choose anything you like out of this room. While you are here, you may consider everything in here yours. I will leave you here. I expect to see you at the top of those stairs in fifteen minutes with what you have chosen.”

Die pointed to a sweeping staircase opposite the room he had stopped outside of, before nodding once and making his own way up. Shinya allowed his eyes to follow the older man as he left before turning and taking his first look inside 'his' room.

“No way...” he breathed as he looked deeper in. The room was bigger than the one all thirty of them at the brothel slept in together, and it was full of clothes. Mens, womens, formal, casual, anything Shinya could think of was here. He walked up and down the aisles, unable to believe that one person could have so many clothes just hanging here, not being used at all. He wandered, up and down, up and down until his fifteen minutes must surely have been up, and he couldn't even begin to decide what he should choose.

“I thought I told you to meet me at the top of the stairs.”

Shinya spun around, startled to hear Die's voice right behind him.

“I- I'm sorry. I couldn't find anything here.”

“What, is there not enough here for you? Or do you think you're too good for what I have? Is that it?”

“No! That's not it at all! There's just so much - “

“Be quiet now. I don't want to hear your excuses. Fine. I will choose for you. For now, come with me.”

Die grabbed Shinya's wrist, pulling him behind. Shinya was reminded of being pulled along behind Die in much the same fashion along the road just the night before, and he felt his stomach fill with ice.

Where is he taking me? What is he going to do?

Die kept pulling on Shinya, not even seeming to notice when Shinya started to struggle. They reached the top of the stairs, and Die pulled Shinya down a hallway and spun him into another room.

“Wash your hair. Get yourself clean. I washed you last night, but I don't trust that place that you're in. I don't trust that man who claims he looks after you.”

Die spun and exited the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Shinya clutched his wrist, already feeling the bruise beginning to appear. He looked around, finding himself in the changing room of a bathroom. Steam drifted out, warming Shinya, making him realise that it had been so long since he had done more than quickly wash himself under a cold tap. The temptation was too great, and he tore his clothes off, shoving them into the nearest cubby hole before stepping into the bathroom proper. He found himself a seat next to the shower, turning the water on and warming it before sitting. There were so many different soaps, shampoos, conditioners laid out before him. His hair was the most important to him though, so after ducking his head under the hot water he went through the shampoos, searching for ... he didn't know what. He couldn't remember the last time he had used proper shampoo. He found one that smelled of apples, and decided he had died somewhere along the line and this bathroom here was his heaven. A little more searching found the matching soap and conditioner, and he washed himself all over, scrubbing until he was pink and he was sure the smell of apple was firmly implanted into his skin. He glanced over at the steaming bath, and could resist it no longer. He rinsed himself off as quickly as possible, and turning the shower back off, stepped over to the hot water, sliding in, feeling the heat completely envelope him. He tipped his head back, enjoying this rare chance to relax. He could feel himself starting to drift off, but couldn't summon the energy to care. He was sure Die wouldn't let anything happen to him just yet.

Not after he's paid so much money to have me, anyway.

“Don't go to sleep. You'll drown.”

Shinya couldn't suppress his smile.

Right again.

He opened his eyes to find Die gazing down at him, watching his naked form in the water. This was more his element. If there was one thing Shinya was used to, it was being used for his body. He moved, giving Die the best possible view of what he had to offer, stretching his arms over his head. Die yet again surprised him though, his face growing bright red as he turned away.

“You don't need to do that, either. Not yet.”

His voice was steely, causing a chill to run down Shinya's back despite the heat of the bath.

“I'm sorry. I thought - “

“Well, you thought wrong. Get out. Dry yourself off and put on the clothes I left you. I'll be waiting outside.”

Shinya climbed out of the bath, giving it one last longing look as he wrapped himself in the towels Die had left behind. He took one look at the clothes Die had laid out and gasped. Tight black pants, a close fitting white buttoned shirt. A brand new pair of boxers, still in their packet. A black, fur-trimmed jacket. Black leather boots. So simple, but also the most beautiful clothes Shinya had ever had the opportunity to wear. He put the clothes on, staring in wonder at himself in the mirror. He looked ... nice. Not just nice. Respectable. No one would ever look at him in disgust in these clothes. No one would ever look at him and spit out the word “whore”. Not looking like this. He picked up a brush that Die must have left behind, because it certainly hadn't been there when he came in, and slowly brushed his long hair until it fell around his shoulders.

“Good. You're ready. Come with me.”

Die opened the door, poking his head around the corner. His gave Shinya a cursory glance before sniffing and turning back into the hall. Shinya stared at him in disbelief, for the hundredth time since Die had brought him here wondering just who he was dealing with. Die himself had changed into a suit. Just a suit. Nothing overly flashy, but neither was it casual enough to be worn around the house.

“This is a test for you, Shinya. Tonight will determine exactly how your stay here will go. Believe me when I say it's in your best interests to remain on your best behaviour.”

Shinya trailed behind Die, and when Die opened the large double doors at the end of the hallway to look down onto a packed ballroom, it was all Shinya could do not to faint. Almost immediately the two of them were surrounded, middle-aged women covered in diamonds, their husbands smiling sycophantly at Die, young men trying to show their wealth while trying at the same time to remain understated.

“And who is this, Daisuke-sama?”

“Do introduce us to your friend!”

“What an attractive boy he is...” Shinya heard one woman titter behind her hand to her friend. He could feel himself beginning to panic, when a strong arm suddenly wrapped itself around his shoulders. He looked around to find Die smiling at him.

“This is the cousin of an acquaintance of mine. His name is Terachi Shinya. Please do all you can to make him feel welcome. And please, be gentle with him. He is not used to this sort of thing.”

Shinya stared at Die, wondering how the hell he was going to survive this night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night, Chapter One

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 08:39:26 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: 1/?
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst.
Warnings: Sexual abuse. Prostitution. Rape. Attempted rape. (not all the time though ^_^;)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, HizumixTsukasa, others to come.
Synopsis: The young man with the bleached blond hair remembered being pulled along the street, the one who had grabbed him from the road ahead of him, but that was as far as his memory went. He had woken up inside the house, surrounded by the anxious eyes of the other boys he worked with.
Comments: To start off with, the warnings are there for a reason. There will be a lot of not very nice stuff in this fic. That being said, it should still have enough nice to keep things balanced. I hope. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy!!

Prologue

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night, Chapter One

The young man with the bleached blond hair remembered being pulled along the street, the one who had grabbed him from the road ahead of him, but that was as far as his memory went. He had woken up inside the house, surrounded by the anxious eyes of the other boys he worked with.

“You better get up. If the boss sees you like this we'll all be in for it.” an unidentified voice whispered. Unidentified, but it didn't matter. Every single person there was thinking it, even the one lying on his back, still groggy. He summoned what energy he had and managed to sit up, his head swimming until he thought he was going to vomit.

“Hey, are you alright? Can you stand by yourself?” another voice floated to him, but it barely registered.

“Quick, help him up. We'll put him in his bed and just say he worked so hard that he had to sleep straight away.”

“Do you think it'll work?”

“He doesn't smell like he's been drinking, so I hope so. Stupid fuck better not have been taking drugs, either.”

But I haven't been drinking, and I haven't been doing drugs. the blond thought, but he was still barely able to tell where he was, let alone form a sentence, coherent or otherwise.

“Quick, chuck him in his bed. The boss'll be here soon.”

Dark shapes fussed around him, pulling off his boots and clothes, carelessly throwing a blanket over him before dumping what he had been wearing on top to give extra warmth. He heard the others scurrying back to their own beds, sitting on top but not getting under the covers. Without warning the door slammed open, and heavy footsteps entered. He knew he should sit up, be at attention like the others, but no matter how he willed his body to move it just wouldn't. The footsteps thumped closer to him, stopping at the edge of his bed. There was a moment of silence, then a soft voice spoke. Soft, but so full of menace that he could feel his body trying to curl in on itself.

“What have we here, then. Pretty little Shinya thinks he can just go to sleep before his work is done, does he?”

The one known as Shinya, the blond who was even now trying to cower in fear and disgust despite his paralysis, caught his breath as the stench of the other man washed over him.

“No alcohol. There's a good boy. But not so good is sleeping on the job. Ha. Ha. Ha.”

Shinya hated the way the boss would laugh like that. There was no humour in it at all. He just spoke the sounds, and when he did it never boded well for whoever it was directed at. He felt his blanket being shifted, and in his mind he screamed. His mind screamed, and his body could do nothing as the other man's hand worked it's way down, lower and lower until it was worming it's way under his boxers, the only item the other boys had left on. He knew they would all be looking away, pretending they couldn't see what was going on, because it was what they all always did, no matter who was having this done to them. It was the only way to survive in this place. His breath hitched as he felt the intrusion of the man's fingers inside him, twisting and turning like some unwelcome parasite. The man began panting, his hot breath hitting Shinya's face in short bursts. The bed began to shake as he put his free hand down his own pants even as he continued his abuse of Shinya. The screaming in Shinya's head grew louder as he was torn, but at least he knew that this man was nearing his end and it would all be over soon. Suddenly the fingers inside him froze, then tightened their grip in and around him, and he felt tears of pain and humiliation leaking from behind his closed eyes as the man came, grunting and sweating. The hated fingers withdrew, and the blanket was flung back over him almost as an afterthought.

“Now who's turn was it to collect the money for me tonight?”

“Mine, Tatsuya-sama.” a quiet voice was heard, and Shinya allowed himself a small smile. Tsukasa would make sure Shinya was looked after. After all, they were more alike than they let on, Shinya and Tsukasa. Under different circumstances they might even have been friends.

There was some rustling as Tatsuya stood and made his way to Tsukasa, the younger handing over the nights takings along with the sheet the kept track of who had made what. He heard a long, low whistle.

“Well. It seems Shinya was working hard tonight, wasn't he? No wonder he's so exhausted, huh?” He gave a short bark of a laugh, and Shinya heard the others give half-hearted laughs in response.

“Thank you, Tsukasa. Now. The lot of you, get to bed. It's gonna be a long day tomorrow.” The door slammed at almost the same time the light turned out, and Shinya heard the lock click, trapping them all in this room. His body finally gave in, and he felt nothing but grateful relief as sleep claimed him.

***

“Shin? Shinya! Wake up! You gotta get up, Shin!”

Shinya groaned and tried to roll away from the incessant shaking, his body still aching from what had been done to it the night before.

“Shinya? Please, you have to get up! I don't want you to be hurt again!” The voice was growing frantic now, and Shinya forced his eyes open.

“Hizumi?” he mumbled, slightly surprised to see that particular face in front of him.

“Quickly, Shinya. Tsukasa is downstairs stalling the boss, but I don't think he can hold him for very long. He asked me to make sure you get up. Come on, Shinya. Tsukasa worries about you. And I worry about you both. Please, get up before you get hurt. Before Tsukasa gets hurt because of you.”

It was the note of longing, of barely controlled panic that had Shinya moving. If he himself was hurt, that was one thing. But Tsukasa – and by extension Hizumi – was something else. It was common knowledge among the workers that Hizumi was deeply in love with Tsukasa. Obvious to everyone but Tsukasa himself, that was. It pained Hizumi to have Tsukasa working there, pained him every time something happened to the quiet blond. Shinya wished he could have someone care for him, the way Hizumi cared for Tsukasa. Slowly, painfully, he pulled himself out of bed, wincing at the injuries he had received at the hands of Tatsuya. They made him dread having to work tonight.

Well, more than normal, anyway.

Hurriedly he threw his clothes on. He grabbed his boots, preparing to throw them under the bed since they wouldn't be needed until night fell, when he noticed something.

“Hizumi? Did Tsukasa fix my boots?”

“What? Fix them? They're brand new. Why would they need fixing?”

“Huh? What are you talking...” Shinya trailed off as he looked closer. Hizumi was right. They looked like his old boots, but they weren't. They were a little dirty from walking through the snow and semi-frozen dirt, but they were clearly a new pair of boots. Startled, he looked down at the rest of his clothes, remembering that the very same fall that had been caused by the broken shoe should also have left his clothes filthy.

“My clothes are new too...” he breathed in astonishment.

“What?” Hizumi asked, looking at Shinya like he had gone mad.

“My clothes. Look. They look like my old ones, but they're new.”

“Weird.” Hizumi said, but he didn't look particularly interested. He strained his neck, trying to keep an eye out for Tsukasa. “What the hell did you get up to last night, huh Shinya? New clothes, new shoes, not to mention looking like you were drugged up or something. Must have had one hell of a time with your last customer.”

“I – don't know. I don't remember anything after I fell over. Someone picked me up, and then ... I just don't remember.”

Hizumi opened his mouth as though to question Shinya further when Tsukasa came scuttling through the door, head darting around to look over his shoulder.

“He's on his way. You ready, Shinya?” Tsukasa looked over at Shinya, relief painting his face when he saw the other man up and out of bed. The rest of the boys jumped to their feet, none of them wanting to do anything to attract the attention of their boss. Hizumi and Tsukasa ran to stand next to their own beds, Hizumi barely making it before Tatsuya rounded the corner and entered the room. He stood for a moment, eyes surveying the room before coming to rest on Shinya.

“Well, well. Decided that you can be awake after all, Shinya-kun.”

“Yes, Tatsuya-sama.”

“Is that all you've got to say for yourself? Do you need more reminding of who's in charge here?”

Shinya cringed a little. The pain still coursed through him with every movement he made, and just the thought of attracting Tatsuya's special brand of “attention” made Shinya want to scream. He kept all this locked away though, his face carefully blank, not wanting anyone, but especially Tatsuya, to know just how affected he was.

“Not that it matters. You're going out to work early today. As in now. Had a special request for you, though I can't see why anyone would want you. So hop to it. Get yourself presentable. God help you if you embarrass me today.”

And with those last venomous words, Tatsuya spun on his heel and exited the room, in no doubt that everyone would take their places for the daily labour. The place didn't maintain it's stunning facade on it's own, nor was it due to Tatsuya actually paying people to do it.

Whores and slaves. That's all they were.

Shinya couldn't help but let a small smile escape though. It wasn't often they were wanted for a day, but when they were it was normally good. Better than good. It was easy. It was normally some rich old man who wanted someone around to look pretty and keep quiet. Sometimes there was some touching, but rarely anything more. It made Shinya happy, and especially to be requested specifically...

“I hope you know I hate you right now.”

Shinya smiled as Tsukasa came back over, followed as always by Hizumi. He noticed one or two of the others shooting him dirty looks, but he chose to ignore those ones.

“Can you help me get ready?”

“Yeah, we've got time.” Tsukasa answered with a grin, obviously ignoring the rather pointed looks Hizumi was giving him. The three chattered away as they got Shinya ready, brushing his hair into place, applying his make up so perfectly it looked as though he wasn't wearing any at all. Shinya looked in curiosity at his new clothes again, wondering whether he should ask Tsukasa if he knew anything about them. He decided against it though – if Tsukasa knew anything, then Hizumi would have, and since Hizumi didn't...

“There. Perfect. You're gonna wow whatever old man you get today, Shinya. He'll barely be able to move, you're so perfect. Which, of course, is thanks to Hizumi and myself.”

“Yes, you're both wonderful. Wish me luck, ok?”

The other two beamed as Shinya stood. Their 'good luck's were lost as Shinya turned and attempted to run down the stairs, the pain forcing him into a more sedate, dignified walk. Even that slow pace caused him to bite his lower lip though. He prayed that this customer would be like most other full day customers – happy to look, but not really capable of much more. He made his way to the waiting room and took a seat on the most comfortable chair he could find. He was eager to get out of the building, away from Tatsuya and his hands. The customer he couldn't care less about, any more than the customer cared about him. But he would be eternally grateful to whoever it was for getting him out of here today. He lost track of time, sitting there. It must have been at least an hour, and he could feel himself growing drowsy. Whatever had happened to him yesterday still hadn't quite worn off, and he had to fight to keep his eyes open. He was starting to fear that the customer had changed his mind and he would have to stay here when the door was flung open, and a sour looking Tatsuya entered. Shinya sat up, looking anxiously around but seeing no one else.

“It's your lucky day, Shinya-san” Tatsuya sneered his name, the sarcasm dripping from his voice at the honorific. “Or should I say lucky week. You won't be coming back here til this time next week. Get up and get your things. And you better have enough. That bastards not paying nearly enough for me to have to get you anything else.”

Shinya's eyes widened in shock, and he nodded mutely before darting back up the stairs to the now empty room. He flung what few things he had into the sack that served as a bag, then rushed as best he could back down to the waiting room. Tatsuya gave the sack a disbelieving stare, his eyes narrowing as he rushed to grab Shinya by the throat.

“What the fuck is that?” he hissed. “I thought I told you not to embarrass me? I feed you, keep a roof over your head and this is how you repay me?”

“I've paid for Shinya, Kozumi-san. I'll thank you to keep your hands off him from now until I return him.”

Tatsuya dropped Shinya, the smile returning to his face.

“But of course. I was just going over a few rules of etiquette with Shinya-kun here.”

“I'm sure you were.” was the dry reply.

“Shinya-kun? It's time to go with this gentleman. Shinya?”

Shinya stood and stared dumbly, looking straight into the face that had rescued him from the car the night before.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

The Cold of Night - Prologue

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 00:57:44 GMT

Title: The Cold of Night
Chapters: Prologue
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst. Fluff.
Rating: This chapter PG, overall NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, others to come.
Synopsis: He walks the night streets, not really knowing where he is going or what he is doing. He's been doing this for almost as long as he can remember, and sometimes it frightens him that he's never really known a normal life.
Comments: Bunny pounced, so I must obey. This I think shall be a little darker than normal. Also, the prologue is in the present tense, but the rest will be in the past. >_>

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Cold of Night - Prologue

He walks the night streets, not really knowing where he is going or what he is doing. He's been doing this for almost as long as he can remember, and sometimes it frightens him that he's never really known a normal life. Then again, what is a “normal” life? Is sitting at the table, fire roaring, surrounded by loving family “normal”? Somehow he doesn't think so. He thinks for most it is ideal, something they want, but it is far from normal. Normal is living life how you can, doing whatever it takes to try and stay alive. Just as he is doing now.

Part of him feels vaguely that he should be ashamed of what he does, that this isn't the way he should be living his life. But what other choice does he have? He thinks, a little bitterly but mostly just with calm acceptance, that if his father hadn't died, if they hadn't been in such poverty, if his mother hadn't been so weak that maybe things would have been different. He could be inside, enjoying a home cooked meal with family who loved him, instead of standing out here in the cold, selling his body to whoever was willing to pay. But then he sighs, refusing to fall into a pit of despair by wondering “what if?”. That never gets anyone anything.

He rubs his arms through his thin jacket, wondering whether it's time to call it a night. It's late – or early, depending on your point of view – and the snow is starting to fall more thickly. The chances of finding a customer out now are minuscule, and if he stays out any longer he'll get sick. Not that that has ever been a good enough excuse for his boss. He's tempted to do what the others boys – and the few girls who work in this rather specialised area of the industry – do, and rob the next person he sees so that he'll have enough money to take back. But he can't bring himself to do it. No matter how low he has fallen in his life, he still wants to maintain some sort of decency. If people want to give him money, he'll gladly do whatever it is they want him to do, but he would never take it from them forcefully.

Even if, so often, people don't show him the same courtesy.

He sighs, stamping his feet. One of his heels is on the verge of snapping. That's going to be another expense taken out his meager earnings for the night. He gives his arms one last rub before wrapping them tightly around himself and starting back towards home. He snorts softly, marvelling that despite the fact that he was an innocent when it all started, he is still forced to call that place by that name.

Home.

He still has faint memories of his life before this, but they seem so far away, so detached from what his life is that he's not sure that they're real at all. Memories of a comfortable house, warm parents who gave him love, real clothing, real food...

He shakes his head. It's just a fantasy. None of that is real. None of it really happened. There has never been anyone who really loved him. If his parents had, his father wouldn't have killed himself. His mother would never have sold him off like he was a spare piece of furniture she no longer had use for. Someone would have rescued him long ago. No. It was best to just accept reality the way it was, and continue living as best he could.

With these thoughts running through his head, he makes his way closer to home, partly wanting to reach quickly, wanting to get out of the cold before he freezes to death, partly wanting to stay away as long as possible, part of him even now wishing that someone, anyone, even that figure known as Death would reach out to him and rescue him from this life. He staggers a little as he exits the side streets, stumbling out onto a wide, busy street. He watches the people walking hurriedly by, wrapped in their thick winter coats. Young couples laugh as they make there way to wherever it is that they are going. He can't believe that even at this hour, even in this weather, this street is still full of people. Even though he's seen it a thousand times, it still amazes him. He notices the way peoples faces flicker with disgust when they see him before their eyes slide away, trying to pretend that he isn't there. He feels his chest tighten, even after all these years. He still isn't used to it. He doesn't think he will ever be used to it. He lowers his gaze, not wanting to see the thoughts that are running through peoples' minds when they see him.

Whore.

You disgust me.

Filth. Don't come near me.

He wraps his arms tighter around himself, ducking his head down as he runs away from their stares, from their thoughts. He runs, heedless of the people he nearly knocks over in his haste to get away. It is only when the loose heel on his boot finally snaps off and he flies, face first, plunging into the melted sludge that is left from the snow on the street that he stops, and he can't bring himself to move even though he knows that he will probably be hit by the next car to come along. He lies still, watching the car's headlights getting closer and closer and he knows that the driver probably can't see him lying there, knows he should be scared because he will die, but he just feels ... relieved. He smiles, and closes his eyes. He knows it will probably hurt, and a lot, but he's suffered pain, had countless bruises, broken bones and worse before, so it doesn't bother him. All he can think of is the release that will come.

He feels himself go flying, but there is no pain, and his eyes fly open in confusion. Surely he shouldn't be flying? His head spins around to be confronted with a face growing closer, pulling him to his chest as the car flies past, horn blaring. The man holds him close for a second longer before pulling away and peering into his face.

“Are you alright? What the fuck were you doing, just lying there? You could have been killed.”

“Yes.” he whispers, pulling himself further away and standing. He watches as the man's gaze travels down his body, watches as the realisation dawns.

“See? I'm just a whore. Who would miss me. Who would even notice if I was gone.”

The man stands, grabs his arm and pulls him.

“In which case, you're coming with me. I don't care what it costs.”

He feels an icy feeling spread from his stomach and out. He looks up at the man now marching ahead of him, still hauling on his arm, his almost ridiculously bright red hair blowing around him, and wonders just what on earth he's gotten himself into.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

This Will Be Ours, Chapter Ten

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 07:03:39 GMT

Title: This Will Be Ours
Chapters: 10/?
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst. Fluff.
Rating: This chapter PG, overall NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, KyoxKaoru, Toshiyax?, OCs
Synopsis: Die flicked his hair back out of his face, frowning as he worked on his project. So far he had made about three sketched lines, and that was it.
Comments: It took me pretty much all day just to write this tiny chapter, so my apologies if it sucks. Also my apologies for taking so long to get it written at all...life does get in the way, sometimes. Anyway, hopefully things will be getting back on track. now ^_^

Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven // Chapter Eight // Chapter Nine

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This Will Be Ours, Chapter Ten

Die flicked his hair back out of his face, frowning as he worked on his project. So far he had made about three sketched lines, and that was it. Every time he tried to concentrate, an image of Shinya, naked and sweating, would force it's way into his mind and he'd spend the next five minutes sitting, rather uncomfortably, with a decidedly silly smile on his face.

“Concentrate, Die. You need to get this done.” he muttered to himself.

“Talking to yourself now, are you?” Shinya said with a smile as he opened the door to the dorm room. “I hope you're not planning on painting in here.” he continued, one eyebrow raised in question.

“Even if I was, Shinya, I don't think I could. You're distracting me too much.”

“What? How? I only just got back.”

Die began to grow bright red, suddenly a little too embarrassed to admit that he still couldn't get the memory of what they had done the week before out of his head.

“Come on. You have to tell me how I can distract you when I'm not even here, Die.” Shinya said. He dropped his bags on the floor and sat on the bed, next to Die, one hand snaking around to pull the older man close.

“It's embarrassing.”

“You have to tell me now!” Shinya exclaimed, a wide grin spreading across his face. “Is Die being dirty?”

“Not me, you! All I can think of is you and ... last week.” Die mumbled. This was an altogether new experience for him. He'd never been particularly shy about discussing this sort of thing, but for some reason having Shinya's gaze on him, eyes wide open almost in innocence ... well, it just put him off a little.

Now I know how those girls would feel.

Oh dear god. Does that mean I'M the girly one in this relationship?

“Me too.” Shinya said quietly. Die turned to look at him, only to find Shinya staring at his own fidgeting fingers. “That night ... I really ... I mean ... I don't know. It's a nice memory though, don't you think?”

“Yeah. It is.” Die replied, returning the half-hug Shinya had offered when he sat down. “I'm sorry. It's just going to take a while to get used to everything.”

“I know. Just take your time, ok? I don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you into anything, or anything like that.”

Die just pulled Shinya closer. It suddenly struck him how lucky he was to have found someone like Shinya.

“Oh! Before I forget. I bought you a present, Die.”

“A present? I'm excited to see what it is, but you can't afford to get me anything, Shinya. I hope it's nothing too big.”

Shinya just smiled as he pulled away and stood up.

“Close your eyes and hold out your hands.” the younger man ordered, and Die smiled and faithfully obeyed. He felt Shinya put a box onto his outstretched palms.

“Ok. Open.”

He slowly opened his eyes and looked, to find the box for a brand new cell phone.

“I got us one each. Since it was sort of my fault that you lost your other one.”

“Shinya! How did you get this? You can't afford anything like that!”

“It doesn't matter. It's my present to you, so you don't need to know anything else. Just take it, and enjoy it.”

“But Shin-”

“But nothing, Die. It's a present. You have to take it. It would be rude not to.”

“I'm going to pay you back for this, Shinya. I don't know how yet, but I will find something.”

“I'm sure I can think of one or two things you can do for me...” Shinya said with a sly smile as he leaned in closer.

***

“So. When are you coming home? You must be tired of sleeping on the floor by now.”

Die snorted and continued eating his lunch. He watched Kyo watch him, and after a few lazy mouthfuls, it became apparent that Kyo was perfectly happy to sit and stare until Die gave him an answer, no matter how long it took.

“I'm not tired of Shinya, you know, if that's what you mean.”

“That's not what I mean at all. I'm merely asking you out of brotherly concern. You can come home, you know.”

“I know. I just ... I don't really think Shinya's ready for me to leave him alone just yet, is all.”

“He's not ready, or you're not ready?” Toshiya spoke up. Die shot him a glare.

“No one asked you, Toshiya.”

Kaoru let out a loud laugh, and punched Die lightly on the arm. “Hit a nerve, did he?”

“I don't know what you're talking about, Kaoru.”

“Come on. Admit it Die. You're falling for Shinya big time, aren't you?”

Die remained silent, listening to his two friends continue to gossip about his relationship. He was totally aware of Kyo's gaze though, and he knew he was not going to be leaving this table without promising to come home. But that would mean leaving Shinya behind, and there was no way he was willing to do that.

“Bring Shinya around for dinner tonight.” Kyo said abruptly, and a hush fell over the group as Kaoru and Toshiya looked at Die expectantly.

“You don't have to move all your things back, but I just want you to come home, Die. You don't even have to stay. I just want to see you.”

“What about Shinya? Can I trust you to leave him alone, Kyo?”

“You can trust me. Just come around tonight. I'll cook and everything.”

Die sat for a moment. He couldn't quite shake the feeling that Kyo was up to something, which just made him feel guilty for being a bad older brother.

Seriously, what sort of person immediately distrusts their own younger brother?

Die looked at Kyo a second longer, then nodded.

“I'll see what Shinya says.”

“You guys have those phones he bought last week, remember? Why don't you send him a message now. He should be at lunch, too. I still don't get why he's never shown up here, by the way.”

“He hasn't come to lunch with me for two reasons, Kyo.” Die said as he pulled his phone out. “One, he has a lot of work to do so catches up while everyone else is relaxing. Two, he said I need to spend time with my friends and family. What does that tell you about him?”

Kyo rolled his eyes, but let the subject drop. It was growing apparent to everyone that Die was not about to hear another bad word about Shinya.

“There. I've asked him. Happy?”

“Don't know why you've suddenly got so grumpy, Die. I'm only trying to help out. And, you know, be a good brother.”

Another wave of guilt hit Die.

I'm being way too hard on him, aren't I? he thought to himself, sighing.

“I'm sorry, Kyo. Things have just been really weird, lately. I mean, they've settled down over the last couple of weeks, but I think it's all just starting to hit me. I don't mean to take it out on you.”

Kyo's face softened, and he smiled.

“It's ok, Die. I know.”

“Oh good. So you two aren't going to have a punch up over the table then?”

Die's head whipped around, and Kaoru smiled wryly.

“So you did forget we were here, huh? Not that your little family domestics aren't amusing, but Toshiya and I do like to pretend we still exist.” Kaoru's smile took the sting out of his words, and Die and Kyo both hung their heads, more than a little shame-faced.

“Um. Do you want to come tonight, too, Kaoru?” Kyo attempted, eyes looking rather hopeful.

“Normally, I'd say yes, but I have a load of marking to do, so it wouldn't really be appropriate to be having dinner with one of my students right now.”

“Toshiya? How about you?” Kyo looked desperate now, as though it had suddenly occurred to him he would have to be with Die and Shinya, alone.

“Hell no. It's your awkward situation. I just want to laugh at the stories later, not help you out.”

“Thanks Toshiya. You're a real friend, I see that now.”

“Glad to be of help to you, my dear Kyo.”

“Well, it's time for me to be getting back to class, so I imagine you lot should be getting off, too.” Kaoru said, standing up. “Let me know how it goes, ok? Maybe I'll stop by later on.” He gave Kyo a quick peck on the forehead as he passed, and Die saw rather than heard the whispered “I love you”'s that were exchanged between the two of them, and suddenly all he wanted was for Shinya to be there with them, to be able to act as naturally with him around Kyo as Kyo and Kaoru did around him, and he made up his mind. Shinya would be coming tonight. And if he had his way, neither of them would be going back to that tiny little room in the dorms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

Silence

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 03:09:21 GMT

Title: Silence
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: Fluff/Angst.
Rating: R, though only for language.
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, mentions of the others.
Synopsis: Die looks back on his and Shinya's relationship.
Comments: This was done for melinen's Shinya Birthday Challenge. Done for the theme "Enjoy the silence". I'll get back onto "This Will Be Ours" soon. I hope. Have a bit of a block at the moment T_T

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Silence

I used to always complain that you never spoke enough. I used to always try to make you talk to me, no matter what it took. It's a wonder you never hated me. I could be so mean to you sometimes, but it was just to get you to say something, anything, because you know what, Shinya? I love your voice. And you always use it to say such wonderful things.

I remember the first time you decided you trusted me enough to come around to my place by yourself. The first time just the two of us hung out together. I could hardly believe you were there, and I think that was the point where my feelings for you started to change from those of a band mate to something ... more. I tell everyone now that my original crush was when we first met and I thought you were a girl, but the truth is it was that day. We didn't really do anything, just fucked around, talking about music and laughing, but for the first time I was seeing you unguarded, and I think that's what did it. I asked you why it had taken you so long to do something like this, and you said it was because your parents weren't too keen on the idea of you hanging around such older people. We both knew that was a lie. You're so damned stubborn. Your parents – anyone, actually – don't have a chance when you decide you want something. They let you join the band in the first place, didn't they?

Anyway, I didn't call you on it. You looked like you were about to close off again, and I didn't want that to happen, not now that you were so open for the first time, so I just laughed and nodded. I could tell by the way you looked at me that you knew that I knew, and you looked so grateful. Who knows. Maybe that was when you started looking at me differently, too. I do know that after that day there was a shift. We didn't act any differently towards each other, but there was an underlying knowledge that the teasing, the reacting ... they meant something else.

I think maybe the others noticed it too, because they sort of backed off a bit. Kaoru especially. He used to join in just as much, taking full advantage of the fact that he has this great serious leader-sama image, taking advantage of the fact that no one can quite believe him to be the total dork that he is. But it was as though he sensed that he was in some way intruding. At least, that's the impression he left me with when we were talking about it one day, though he didn't use so many words. Toshiya didn't, but that's just Toshiya. Whether he's oblivious to things around him, or just doesn't care, I don't know, but in some ways I'm glad he continued with the horsing around, because it didn't make me feel like such an arsehole whenever stories would get spread amongst our fans. Kyo, I think, did know, though he has never let on, not even when I ask him flat out. He just smiles and walks away. But it's Kyo, the ever observant Kyo, and you've known each other so long that there's no way he could fail to read you.

I don't even know how I worked up the courage to ask you out on a date. Looking back, I must have been insane, asking my male band mate to go on a date with me, but ... those times were a little different. There were different forces at work then, and for whatever the reason it eventually was, I did ask you, and you said yes, though with a rather shocked look on your face as though you couldn't quite believe the words coming out of your mouth. But agree you did, and I held you to it. Though my luck being what it was, I couldn't actually take you out for a good two months since we were touring, and just didn't have time. And in any case, we hadn't told the others that it would be happening, and the two of us going somewhere without them would have been a tad suspicious. I don't know about you, but those two months were the most excruciating I had ever lived through. The tour itself, though it went well, was utter hell. I suddenly felt very self-concious around you, and you seemed to be the same around me. That I know the others noticed. They kept trying to fix whatever the problem was, thinking we had had a fight or something. No amount of protesting convinced them, and they didn't stop once trying to get us to make up. I laugh when I think now about what they would have thought if we had told them the truth then.

The tour finally finished, but even then I couldn't get you to myself. It's the only time in my entire life that I've been truly resentful of having to visit family. They noticed, too. Man, did they notice. They didn't stop asking me who 'she' was, this girl that I was obviously so eager to get back to Tokyo to see. I couldn't very well tell them the truth, so I spun some story about having met the most beautiful, intelligent long-haired thing I had ever seen. They teased me about being in love.

I couldn't deny it.

They asked when they could meet her.

I slipped and said they already had, and they spent the rest of my time there trying to figure out who it could be.

I couldn't stay there like that. I was so scared that they would find out about me before I was ready for them to, so I left a few days early, claiming that band business had come up and I had to deal with it. Imagine my surprise when I got home to find a message saying that you had returned early, too.

We decided to take advantage of the others not being around. We went on our date. It wasn't anything different to what we normally did. We walked around Tokyo, ate ice cream, and grabbed some dinner to have at home. Only ... it was different. It was as different as it could be. We cooked dinner together and ate it in front of a movie. People don't believe us now, but we really did just watch a movie. We both really enjoyed it. If you asked me what it was now, I wouldn't be able to tell you, but I remember we both laughed a lot. The months of tension and awkwardness just melted away, and we returned to the way that we had been. We had fun, then I went home, and slept better, with happier dreams, than I had in a very long while.

We had many more secret dates like that, even after the others returned and it was business as normal. Our fifth date was different. We didn't have a movie or anything to watch, so we sat on your couch and just talked like we always did. This time though, it was getting cold. I think you just used that as an excuse. You moved closer to me, demanding that I keep you warm. Of course, I was only too happy to oblige. I wrapped my arms around you, and just held you. We kept talking, but I could feel how shaky my voice was getting, and I'm sure you could feel how quickly and strongly my heart was beating. Your back was pressed against my chest, your head resting back against my shoulder, your hair cascading down. I couldn't resist reaching up to run my hands through it, and you turned to face me, pulling your legs up so you were on your knees. You were looking straight into my eyes, and I knew what was about to happen but I just couldn't bring myself to move. My muscles seemed to have frozen, and my breathing got very ... well, erratic. It was you who finished it off, leaning in and pressing your lips against mine. I wish I could say that I thought all sorts of wonderful thoughts, that fireworks went off in my mind at that first kiss, but the truth is my mind went blank. I think it was completely overwhelmed. Even then I could hardly move. It was you who did everything until eventually your heat melted me, and I could kiss you back with everything I had. We kissed, and we kissed, and then we kissed some more until we were lying, breathless and grinning, somehow on the floor. I didn't even remember moving off the couch.

The next day we told the others. They didn't seem to really be that surprised. There was some worry about whether it would change the band dynamics, but we pointed out that this had been going on in some form or other pretty much since the beginning, and that made the others happy. Kaoru said he had wondered why you had been smiling more, Shinya. And now he knew. I think they were pleased for us, although it did take them a while to adjust to it. We're very lucky, Shinya, that we have such a good group of friends.

Of course, things weren't always good. We've had our share of bumps, just like anyone else. Do you remember that interview? The one where you said you had bought that computer? I'd thought we'd gotten past all that secrecy stuff. I know the others were a bit taken aback, but thankfully the interviewer didn't seem to notice that anything was amiss. I tried not to be angry with you, because seriously, it was just a computer. It wasn't like you had some secret life that I didn't know about. But for some reason it just really hurt me. I was supposedly your boyfriend, even if we were still only new, and you hadn't even thought to tell me. We had such an argument over that. And arguments at the beginning of a new relationship are scary. It would have been so easy for you to just walk away, saying I was being too possessive, but you didn't. You stuck with me and my stupid insecurities until they were gone. Something like that now wouldn't phase me, because I know you and I know that something like that isn't something you consider worthy of remembering to tell others unless the subject comes up, because it really isn't important to you. But back then...

It wasn't too long after that that we had sex for the first time. I don't mind telling you that I was scared shitless, if you'll pardon the expression. I was even more terrified of that than I was of asking you out in the first place. But together we fumbled our way through it, learning each other's bodies, and while that first time was funny and scary and not really that good, it got better and better and better every time after that.

Going on tour after that was simultaneously a joy and a hell. I loved being able to spend every day with you, but it was torture having you right there and not being able to touch you. Ours was a relationship, a love, that had to be kept secret. We could have the occasional night together if we were staying somewhere that had a double room, but so often we were all camping out either three or four to a room, or more likely trying to get what sleep we could on the bus as we travelled between venues. We went through two tours like that before it began to get too much. After the second I moved my stuff into your place. There was no talking about it. We both just knew it was the right thing to do. Our first night officially living together was celebrated by just the two of us. It was a good night.

Living together made me realise how quiet you had become though. I suppose I should be grateful that you talked to me more than anyone else, but you had still grown so quiet. Maybe I should have done something about that. It's too late now though.

We grew so comfortable together. There wasn't one time I regretted being with you, Shinya. Not even if we fought, not even if you were angry with me, not even if I were angry with you. I would never trade in what we had, not for anything. The first time I told you that I was in love with you, you looked vaguely surprised. But you said you were in love with me too, and I was so happy. I asked you why you were so surprised when I said that, and you told me it was because it had never really occurred to you that I could fall in love with you. I wasn't sure whether to be hurt by your lack of faith in me, or saddened by your lack of faith in yourself. But then you looked at me, and smiled one of those rare smiles that lights up your entire face, and all my worries fled.

Maybe that was my mistake.

I said before that those two months of touring before our first date were two of the hardest, most painful months of my life. The truth is though that I would trade those two months for twenty of the same if it meant that the four weeks I have just lived through would never have happened. I wish I could cry, but all my tears are gone. Instead I close my eyes, and enjoy the silence, and pretend you're still sitting next to me, smiling and not saying anything.

I love your voice, Shinya. I always have. I love you, and I always will.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: What exactly has happened is entirely up to your interpretation. I decided to leave it vague so that everyone could draw their own conclusions ^^

...comments are love ♥

Letters To You...Die to Shinya

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 22:52:53 GMT

Title: Letters To You
Chapters: 3/3
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: Angst.
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, Kaoru
Synopsis: I know you love me.
Comments: The first of melinen's Birthday fic challenges. Done for the theme
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?

To Die, From Shinya // To Shinya, From Kaoru

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Letters To You - To Shinya, From Die

Dear Shinya

I went out with Kaoru tonight. I know you already know that, but it really has made me realise something. Going out with Kaoru, I mean. Not that it's a rare thing for us to go our drinking, but tonight was a little different. A lot different. Yes, I'm still a little drunk, so you'll have to bear with me while I try to figure out what I'm trying to say.

I know you love me. I know, and I've always ignored it. Because I know you'll always be there. I'm so sorry. It's only now, after tonight, that I realise what it is I've been doing to you, and all I can do is say sorry even though it is something so meaningless. I'm sorry, Shinya.

Before you get angry with Kaoru, he didn't actually say anything. I think it was just the alcohol, and the fact that we were talking about you, and then Kaoru mentioned that you've been looking kind of down lately, then immediately changed the topic to my girlfriend, and ... I don't know. Something just sort of clicked in my head and I realised I should have spoken to you sooner. If there's one thing I never, ever want to do, it is hurt the person I see as my younger brother. No. Not my brother. Closer than that even. You're my Shin-chan.

And now I'm crying, and the tears are smudging the ink so I don't think you'll be able to read this. I really shouldn't have gotten so drunk. It makes me over emotional. Which is why I'm writing this, because the only other thing I can think of to do is go and see you, and in this state I might end up doing something we will both regret.

I'm sorry. I want you so much.

I'm so sorry, my Shin-chan.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

Letters To You...Kaoru to Shinya

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 09:52:16 GMT

Title: Letters To You
Chapters: 2/3(?)
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: Angst.
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, Kaoru
Synopsis: You know, in some ways I regret making you tell me.
Comments: The first of melinen's Birthday fic challenges. Done for the theme
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
This time it's from Kaoru to Shinya ^_^

To Die, From Shinya

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Letters To You...To Shinya, From Kaoru

You know, in some ways I regret making you tell me. It's not the fact that you love Die, it's not the fact that you are attracted to another man. It's the fact that you're my friend, and I hate seeing you in so much pain, hate knowing what's causing it and not being able to do a damned thing about it.

I suppose I could try to use my supposed leader powers to make Die stop doing this to you, to stop flirting with you when it's doing this to you, but like he'd ever listen to me. When it comes to things like this, I'm probably the last person he'd listen to. Ironically enough, you're the one he normally listens to. And even though you tell him to stop, it's obvious to everyone that you don't really mean it, even if the reason behind it isn't clear.

It's also the fact that it's so hard watching you struggle, watching him be so oblivious, and not only not be able to help you but not even be able to talk to anyone about it. Even if it was just Totchi, but I couldn't break your confidence, and I know you don't want anyone else to know. I wish you'd let me show you that sharing it more could help you, Shinya. Struggles, not matter what they are about, can only be helped if you let others join you.

Or maybe I'm just being selfish. Maybe I'm just saying that so that I won't have to deal with my feelings about it alone. Maybe I just want someone to talk to about it. Maybe I just want someone else to help, to help you move on so I don't feel so responsible for you. Maybe I'm just being a bad friend.

And do you know what else is funny, Shinya? As weird as it is for me to say this, I think you and Die would probably make a really good couple. Die would probably have a thing or two to say about what I'm about to tell you, but I kind of always did think that maybe he could be into guys. Of course, I'm never going to actually say any of this to you – in fact, I'll probably burn this as soon as I'm done because I couldn't bear to get your hopes up. But I honestly would never be surprised if one day Die did say something like that. And if there was one man on the planet that he would fall for, it's you. And that is why it hurts so much to see what your feelings are doing to you.

Who knows. Maybe if I'm subtle enough, maybe if I get Die drunk enough – and lord knows that's an easy thing to do – I can get him to tell me something. Maybe something is there, and he just hasn't admitted it yet. Yes. I'm sure I could maybe get him to tell me.

After all, my tricks worked on you, didn't they?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

Letters To You...

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 09:09:50 GMT

Title: Letters To You
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: Angst.
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya
Synopsis: I don't really know when it first started.
Comments: The first of melinen's Birthday fic challenges. Done for the theme There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
Don't know how well it fits, but I might write one or two more to go with it ^_^ From Shinya's POV.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Letters To You

I don't really know when it first started. I suppose it's always been there. Always and never. I never know with you. It's like one day I hate you. I hate you so much. But the next day I love you with all my heart, all my being, until it becomes overwhelming. Some days, like today, I just ... pine. I want you so much. But these days are like this because these are the days when you seem to go out of your way to ignore me.

We sit here, you, and I, and Kyo and Kaoru and Toshiya, and you joke with them, and I smile and talk with them, and yet we somehow manage to not talk to each other. And I can't begin to describe how sad it makes me. Of course, it's not your fault. It's mine. I've never told you how I feel. I can't. I can't tell anyone.

Actually, that's a lie. I did tell Kaoru. Of all people, I told Kaoru. Oh great leader-sama. He sort of tricked me into telling him though. And much to my surprise, he understood. He understood, and he stood by me, and he cared. At first it was weird – I know he didn't mean to, but I could feel him watching me around you and it made me feel awkward. That was probably the time that I started pulling away from you. I didn't want anyone else to know, I didn't want Kaoru to look at me with his eyes full of pity.

Don't get me wrong – I in some ways felt better that Kaoru – that anyone - knew. But ... I've never been attracted to a man before. I've never had to deal with all that weirdness. And the fact that you're my friend makes it even worse. I feel like I'm betraying you in some way by feeling like this. I know I can't help my feelings. I know that so long as you never know, it won't matter.

I want you to know though. I want you to know how I feel about you, because even though it's stupid and there's absolutely no chance, I still hold the stupid, childish, vain hope that maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to return my feelings. I'm a fool. But I can't stop my dreams at night, where I somehow find the courage to tell you, and you take me in your arms and tell me you love me too, tell me that you've always loved me, and when I wake I'm just so happy, but then reality comes crashing down and all the colour flees from the world.

So that brings us to here, where I love you, and you sometimes see me, and sometimes don't, and my heart breaks and heals again every single day.

I'm not even really making any sort of sense, am I? It's because I'm sitting here, watching you as you laugh with the others and don't even see me, and I can feel my heart breaking but there's not a single thing I can do about because I'm just your friend.

I'm just your friend.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

This Will Be Ours, Chapter Nine

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 10:42:05 GMT

Title: This Will Be Ours
Chapters: 9/?
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst. Fluff.
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, KyoxKaoru, Toshiyax?, OCs
Synopsis: “Shin ... Shin, it's time to get up.”

Die gently shook the younger man still splayed out on his stomach on the floor. They had spent the rest of the night just holding each other, and even now Shinya still had one leg loosely hooked around Die's.
Comments: HOMG this chapter is WAY longer than I had intended. I was going to have this as two chapters, but I never really found a good place to split it, so yeah. Anyway, lot of stuff happening here. Hope you like ^_^

Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven // Chapter Eight

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This Will Be Ours, Chapter Nine

“Shin ... Shin, it's time to get up.”

Die gently shook the younger man still splayed out on his stomach on the floor. They had spent the rest of the night just holding each other, and even now Shinya still had one leg loosely hooked around Die's.

“Don't wanna get up.” was the muffled reply. “Need more sleep.”

Die failed miserably at suppressing a giggle when Shinya turned and buried his face into Die's side, flinging his arm over Die and pulling him closer.

“Shinya, you've had plenty of sleep. Now it's time to get up. Come on. Get up sleepyhead.”

Shinya sighed, but made no move to get up. Die smiled again, reaching down to run his hand through Shinya's hair.

“Look, your hair's all knotted. I'll brush it for you if you want.”

Shinya sat up suddenly, giving Die a flat look.

“That's just weird, Die. Girls brush each others hair, not guys. And anyway, I'm perfectly capable of brushing my hair myself.”

“I didn't think it was that weird. You were dyeing my hair the other day, remember.”

“Yeah, but that was different. It's hard to dye your own hair if you haven't done it before. Brushing on the other hand is easy and isn't something that a guy should need help with.”

“You're a bit grumpy this morning, aren't you?”

“Yes I am.” Shinya said with a scowl. “My sleep has been interrupted. And I'm a bit nervous. And today is going to be first day in ages that I'm going to have to make it through by myself.” His face and voice softened towards the end of his last sentence, and Die sat up to pull him into a hug.

“Hey, it'll be ok. We can meet up for lunch. And I'll be there when you finish so we can come home together.”

“No. Don't meet me for lunch. You haven't seen your friends or your brother for at least a week. You should go see them so they don't worry. And I really should use that time to catch up on my work. I have lots of photos that need developing.” Shinya smiled at Die. “But I'm going to hold you to your other offer. Of us coming home together.”

Die couldn't help but feel a little hurt at Shinya telling him not to come for lunch, even if he did completely understand his reasoning. He was right – he really should go and spend some time with the others. Especially Kyo.

Not that I even WANT to know how pissed off he's going to be at me.

Die watched as Shinya gathered his his things, quickly dressing before wandering down to brush his teeth. He grabbed his own toothbrush, following after the younger man. He grinned when he saw Shinya look back at him and poke his tongue out slightly as he entered the bathroom. He ran forward, catching up to the other man, grabbing him around the waist as they almost tumbled into room. Thankfully - as far as Die was concerned at least - the bathroom was empty, so they didn't attract any unwanted looks. Die tightened his grip, squeezing Shinya briefly before giving him a peck on the cheek and letting go. They brushed their teeth side-by-side in silence. Silence, that is, except for the little squeaks Shinya would let out when Die would lean over and jab him in the ribs.

“Stop that, Die!” Shinya demanded, scowling, the fifth time Die tried it. “It's not really that funny you know.”

“Oh, but it is Shinya! You're really quite cute when you're grumpy. It makes me want to keep annoying you.”

“Well I wish you wouldn't.” Shinya replied, but he seemed to be having difficulty keeping the smile off his face. Die just shrugged, drying his face off and walking back to the room they were sharing. Shinya followed a few seconds later, grabbing his new bag and shoving his things into it.

“See? Aren't you glad I bought that for you now?” Die asked, reminding Shinya that he had been dead against Die buying anything for him.

“I would've managed if you hadn't.” Shinya said, zipping the bag and slinging it over one shoulder. “I'm not ready to go, Die.”

“You'll be fine, Shinya. I know you will be. Kaoru will be fine. I know he won't let anything happen while you're in his class. And I won't be far away, so you can come and get me if you need me.” Die said, pulling Shinya in for another hug.

“You won't forget about me, will you? After class, I mean?”

“I won't. We should pick somewhere to meet up though. Do you want me to come find you after you finish?”

“How about we meet down at the bridge?”

Die felt himself tense up at the thought of Shinya being at the bridge by himself.

“I don't know, Shinya. It's a little too soon after – after what happened. I don't know if -”

“It's ok, Die. If it makes you feel better I won't go onto the bridge. I'll find a nice big tree away from the edge and sit under it. Please? Can you trust me?”

“Promise me you won't go near the bridge itself. Promise me when I get there, no matter what has happened today, I'll find you safe under that tree.”

“I promise. Please, Die. You can trust me.”

Die leaned down, kissing Shinya's face. The mere thought that something might happen to Shinya scared the hell out of him, and he didn't want to let him go. He kissed his way closer to Shinya's lips, the younger man tilting his head to make up the final distance. Die's eyes fluttered closed as he enjoyed the warmth of the soft kiss, his hands lifting to cup Shinya's face. Shinya's hands lifted in tandem with Die's, mirroring his movements until they were both holding each others faces as the kiss deepened, Die parting his lips to allow the other man entry. The kiss eventually slowed, Die pecking Shinya's lips as he pressed their heads together.

“No matter what happens Die, I'll be waiting for you.”

“I trust you, Shinya.”

***

Die nervously made his way to the table. So far the morning had gone relatively smoothly. He and Shinya had parted ways, and even though it was only to go to class, to Die it almost felt as though something physical were being torn between them. He had to resist the urge to just hold onto Shinya, forcing himself to let him go and turn away. Even now he still felt that sense of loss.

Stop being so ridiculous, Die. He's only a few buildings away for pity's sake. It's not like he's gone for good.

Aside from that – and it was a big aside, granted – things had been much as normal. No one seemed to have really noticed his absence. But now was the second hardest part of the day. He had circled around, taking the long way to the table so he could approach from behind Kyo. He knew it was beyond ridiculous to be scared of his own brother, but he honestly had no idea how Kyo was going to react to his disappearance. He had hoped to arrive unnoticed, but he had no such luck. Toshiya looked up and began waving almost immediately, gesturing towards him. The other two spun around, and Kyo leapt out of his seat, only to have Kaoru's arm shoot up and haul him back down.

“Well, I can tell this is going to go well already...” Die muttered to himself. He walked to the table, pulling out the empty seat between Kaoru and Toshiya and sat down.

“Hey.” he said, getting in return an enthusiastic greeting from Toshiya, almost brotherly and concerned nod from Kaoru and an icy glare from Kyo.

“Say hello to your brother, Kyo.” Kaoru said through a smile that seemed to have been nailed onto his face. Kyo sat in silence for a moment and then huffed, all his bravado seeming to flee.

“I hope you know what you're doing.” was all he said, somehow managing to look both worried and angry.

“I do.” Die answered just as simply.

“What? What's going on?” Toshiya asked, looking slightly confused.

“Die's been living at that Shinya guy's place.” Kyo muttered.

“Heh? Why did I not know this? I just figured you were busy with stuff! So you mean to tell me all the plans I've been making have been for nothing?” The last he directed at Kaoru, who looked mildly embarrassed.

“Sorry, Totchi. I was going to tell you but it just never seemed the right time.”

“What? What plans?” Die could feel his jealousy rising and tried his hardest to stamp it down. It was hardly Toshiya's fault he didn't really know what was going on.

“You were the only one who seemed to know Shinya, and he's quite hot and seems nice enough NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, KYO,” he glared at the shorter man as he started to speak up, “and since up until now you've been denying that you like guys -”

“I don't like guys!” Die spluttered out.

“You don't? But the way they were talking it made it sound like you and Shinya had some sort of thing going on.”

“I – well, we ... it's kind of hard to describe. Shinya's different.”

“Oh, I see.” Toshiya said, a knowing grin spreading across his face.

“You see? You see what?” Die asked suspiciously.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Toshiya said with a smirk. “You don't like guys, that's fine. So you won't mind if I move in on Shinya. After all, you don't like guys but you are close to him, so of course you'd want him to be happy.”

“Toshiya, stop pushing him.” Kaoru said, giving his friend a warning glance.

“Hey, he said it, not me. He doesn't like guys, therefore he shouldn't mind if I go after Shinya.”

“I also said Shinya was different.” Die said quietly, clenching and unclenching his fist on top of the table. “And that means no, you can't go after him.”

“Do you understand now?” Kaoru said, and Die could see that what he said wasn't just aimed at Toshiya.

“I always understood, Kaoru. I just wanted to demonstrate a point.” Toshiya said, looking meaningfully at the two brothers. Kyo grunted, and looked up at Die.

“You know I don't like him You know why I don't like him.” the blond said.

“And you're wrong about him.” Die noticed Kaoru and Toshiya nod at each other and almost silently get up and leave the table, but he kept his eyes fixed on Kyo.

“How do you know?”

“I trust him.”

“How can you? You barely know him.”

“So? I've learnt more about him in the last week of being with him than you could hope to in a year of your 'research'.”

“I just worry about you, Die. You know that, right?”

“I know you do Kyo, and I appreciate it normally. But on this occasion your worry is completely misplaced. There is nothing for you to worry about. Shinya is ... he's Shinya. And if you were able to drop whatever it is you have against him that makes you so willing to believe the worst things about him, then I'm sure you'd like him too. You'd be able to see what it is that makes him so ... special.”

Kyo stared at Die for a long while, until Die began to feel very uncomfortable under that intense gaze.

“Wow. Kaoru was right, wasn't he?” Kyo finally said, almost to himself. “You really do have it bad, don't you?”

“I ... feel for Shinya.” was all Die could manage to say, dropping his eyes to look at his fingers.

“I'll try.” Kyo said, his voice steady, and Die looked up at him, his mouth falling open. “If you bring Shinya around, I'll be good. I'll try to see what you see.”

“Really?”

“I've seen the size of those dorm rooms. You can't both stay in there. I'm not saying I'm going to like him straight away. Or maybe even ever. But if he means this much to you, I'll try.”

“Do you mean it?”

“I said it, didn't I?” Kyo answered, somewhat irritably.

“Knew you'd come to your senses sooner or later.” Kaoru said as he and Toshiya came back to the table.

“Sorry. You didn't seriously expect us to get completely out of earshot though, did you?” Toshiya said with a grin, not looking in the slightest bit apologetic.

“Thank you Kyo. I mean it. Thank you.” Die said, only half listening to the other two.

***

Die grinned as he wandered down towards the bridge to meet Shinya. He could hardly believe how slowly the afternoon had gone. After sitting and talking with the others he had walked back towards his own class with Kaoru. He had resisted the urge to follow Kaoru into the photography rooms, figuring he probably wouldn't want Die distracting his students. And anyway, Shinya had been fairly definite about not wanting Die to interrupt his work. As he walked down the path, he grinned stupidly to himself over what Kaoru had said on their walk together.

”So things are going quite well with Shinya then, I take it?”

“Yeah. They are. I really like spending time with him.”

“He seems to be quite taken with you, too. I don't think I've ever seen him so obviously happy. He's always been very guarded, which is probably why I've always thought he was so weird. He's changed, even in just the short time since he's met you.”

Die walked in silence next to Kaoru for a moment.

“So he's doing ok today, then?” Die asked almost hesitantly.

“Yeah, he is. Especially working on his end of year project. I don't think he could wipe the smile off even if he tried.”

“Why? What's so special about that?”

Kaoru looked at him sideways.

“I don't know. I'm sure he'll show it to you once he's done.”

As he got closer to the bridge, Die began looking under every tree to find Shinya, concern growing a little more every time he didn't see him.

“Shinya?” he called out, trying not to let his voice betray his worry. “Shin?” he tried again, peering around all the trees in the area. He walked off the path, away from the river, moving towards a stand of trees a little way away. “Shinya?” he tried again, his panic starting to rise now. He almost collapsed in relief when he saw a stretched out figure under one of the trees, concealed from the path, hands slowly rising and falling as they lay crossed on the persons chest. Die crept up slowly and sat next to the sleeping figure, reaching down to carefully brush loose strands of hair from Shinya's face.

“Hey sleepy.” he said softly as Shinya's eyes blinked open. The younger man smiled as his eyes focussed on Die.

“Die. You're here. Sorry. I fell asleep.”

“Yeah, I can see that. You had me worried for a while there. I couldn't see you here, and you weren't answering when I called you.” Die smiled, continuing to stroke Shinya's hair back.

“I'm sorry.” the younger man said, struggling to sit up. He leaned against Die, pulling him back to lean on the tree, wrapping his arms around Die's waist as his head fell on his shoulder. Die reached around Shinya, arm slung across his shoulder, and they just sat holding each other, enjoying the late afternoon sun. Die felt his own eyelids starting to drop closed when Shinya suddenly spoke.

“Aren't you worried people might see us sitting here like this?”

“A little,” Die admitted, not wanting to lie to Shinya but also wanting him to know how much he meant to him. “But any worries I have about other people don't matter. I like sitting like this with you. I just have to get used to it.” To prove he meant it he leaned down, tipping Shinya's head and giving him a soft kiss on the lips, smiling before he let Shinya's head fall back to his shoulder.

“I really like you, Die.”

“I really like you too, Shinya. Which is why I'm glad to say I have good news.”

“Yeah? What's that?” Shinya said, curiosity filling his voice.

“Kyo wants to meet you. And I mean properly meet you. He said he's willing to try again with you.”

Shinya sat bolt upright, staring at Die with incredulous eyes.

“Really? Did he really say that?”

“He did. We won't until you feel ready, but know that whenever you are, you can. And you don't need to feel scared.”

“But he still -”

“It's ok.” Die interrupted, lifting a hand and placing it on Shinya's cheek. “He knows that I trust you, and he's willing for that to be enough for now.”

“But...” Die could feel Shinya tensing up, and he dropped his hand to Shinya's shoulder, giving it a squeeze, grabbing a hand with his own free one.

“It's ok.” he repeated. “I'm not going to force you to do it right now. But I would like for you two to meet.” He swallowed, building up his courage. “You're the two most important people in my life.” he said, still slightly worried at how Shinya would react to the way he was trying to explain his feelings. “I want you to if not get on, then at least be used to each other.”

“Then I'll try, too.” Shinya grinned, a slightly shy type of grin that Die had quickly learned was almost impossible for him to resist. He pulled Shinya closer, claiming his lips hungrily, tightening his grip on the other's hand as the kiss deepened. He ran his tongue along Shinya's bottom lip, enjoying the taste of him. Shinya moved closer, his fingers splayed as he ran his free hand through Die's hair, almost pulling himself onto Die's lap. He whimpered, a long, low sound that ran right through Die, doing things to him that he hadn't thought mere sound was capable of. He let out a gasp as Shinya let go of his hand, bringing his fingers around to dip below the line of Die's jeans, working their way under the band of his boxers. He brought his own hand around behind Shinya, pulling him onto his lap properly. Shinya immediately took advantage of his position and ground down into Die's rapidly hardening erection, his kisses becoming almost violent as they tried to get closer to each other.

“Mmm ... Shin ...” Die panted, “We really need to move from here.” he managed, pulling Shinya back for another kiss. They stayed that way for a few minutes more, neither willing to let go of the other.

“You need to let me go first,” Shinya said between kisses, making no move to enforce his own suggestion.

“Do you have anything?” Die said, his kisses working their way down Shinya's neck.

“Anything? What? Oh...” Shinya flushed a little redder as he realised what Die was talking about. “Yeah, I ... um ... I picked some up today. It's all still in my bag.”

They both turned to look at Shinya's bag, lying discarded on the ground next to them.

“Eager were you? No, don't answer that because I'm just as bad. Just not as organised. Do you think you can run like that?” Die asked, overcoming his embarrassment and looking directly at the bulge of Shinya's erection.

“If you can, I can.”

“Right, let's go then.” Die said, and they both clambered up off the ground, Shinya grabbing his bag before they joined hands and began running through the trees back in the direction of the dorms. Die didn't think he could remember it ever taking so long to get anywhere, but finally, just as he thought they were never going to arrive, they were bursting through the front door, much to the surprise of the manager at the desk, and running up the stairs. They got to the door of the room, drawing some curious looks from the people relaxing in the floor common room, Shinya fumbling with the keys as they tried to get inside. Finally he managed to get the key in the door and they almost fell through, Shinya turning to shut and lock it before collapsing on top of Die on the bed.

“That was probably one of the more painful experiences of my life.” Die panted, head falling back onto the pillow.

“I know what you mean.” Shinya answered, reaching out for Die's hand. Suddenly Die began to feel the nerves return, now that he knew they were really going to be going through with this. It wasn't like he wasn't experienced – he had been with his fair share of girls before – but this was definitely his first time with another man. And that, as far as he was concerned, was just as bad.

“Shin ... this is probably going to sound a little weird, but have you ever done this before? With a guy, I mean?”

Shinya's eyes dropped, and the sad look returned for a moment.

“Yeah. I have.”

“Was it ...?”

“Yes.”

“Shin...” Die sat up, pulling Shinya up with him. He realised that he still didn't know what had happened with Shinya, didn't know what exactly the relationship between him and the dead boy had been.

Although I have a much better idea of THAT now, don't I? he thought slightly bitterly.

“It's ok Die. I still want to do this if you do.”

“I do, Shinya. It's just ... I've only ever been with women before now.”

“Have you done it like ... this,” and Shinya grew a shade redder, “with a woman?”

“Um. Yes.” Die felt slightly embarrassed admitting to that, though he had no idea why.

“Well, it's not that different. There's just a few changes in detail.”

Die smiled, still nervous, but finding that Shinya's voice alone was enough to calm him down a little. He lifted one hand and brought it around behind Shinya, pulling him back onto him to continue where they had left off, his kisses very quickly leaving Shinya's lips and working back down his neck. Shinya let out that almost purring sound again and Die's fingers tightened involuntarily into the material of Shinya's shirt, his hips thrusting up at the same time. Shinya let his head drop back even as his hand fumbled forwards, searching for the button of Die's jeans. He angled his hips back a little further and Die felt his other hand come down, both sets of fingers working on his jeans until the button popped and the zip fell down.

“Oh god...” Die could hardly contain his moans when Shinya's fingers dipped down, rubbing his erection through the material of his boxers.

“Don't try and stay quiet, Die. I want to hear you.” Shinya said, his voice low and sultry. Die found himself obeying everything that voice told him, his moans coming louder and longer the more Shinya's fingers worked at him. Without warning Shinya shoved Die down, a predatory gleam in his eyes that made Die dizzy just thinking about what was about to happen. Shinya crept forward, gripping the band of Die's boxers along with his jeans, and pulled them down in one deft move, Die's hips almost lifting of their own accord to aid the passage. Shinya crawled back up, never losing eye contact with Die, his tongue darting out and tracing a lazy path the length of Die's cock. Die forced his eyes to remain open even as his head fell back at the overwhelming heat that came from Shinya's mouth. He felt the other mans lips wrap around the tip of his cock, gently sucking, and he let out another loud moan. It had never felt this good.

“Shinya...” he panted, trying to convey what he was doing to him but only able to get out more pants and moans as Shinya's head bobbed up and down, taking Die's full length in his mouth now. He tried to keep his hips from bucking but found it almost impossible, so powerful were the sensations being caused by Shinya's mouth. The younger man pushed his hands down on Die's hips, only adding to the redhead's arousal.

“God Shin ... you have to stop. I want you now...” He waited until he felt Shinya's mouth leave him, then reached down and flipped them over, lying on top of the younger, leaning in to claim a deep kiss, tasting himself in Shinya's mouth. He let his hands roam down Shinya's sides, finding the edge of his shirt and lifting until he had bare skin beneath him. Shinya lifted his arms to help, Die pulling the shirt the rest of the way and throwing it to the floor.

“You're so beautiful, Shin-chan.” he breathed, admiring the sight beneath him.

“No I'm not. I'm too skinny.” Shinya countered, staring up at Die through his eyelashes.

“Through these eyes you're perfect.” Die whispered, leaning in for another kiss. “You're wearing altogether too many clothes right now though.” he continued as he pulled back, reaching down and undoing the button of Shinya's pants. He stopped when Shinya grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away. He looked at Shinya in confusion, worried that maybe he had moved too fast. All his worries turned out to be in his head though.

“If I'm losing my pants, I think you need to lose your shirt. Fair's only fair, after all.”

Die grinned again, wasting no time in pulling the garment from his body. As he did so, Shinya shoved on the waist band of his pants, pushing them as far down as possible until Die grabbed them and pulled them the rest of the way, throwing them to join the mess of clothing on the floor.

“Beautiful...” Die breathed, and he was more than a little surprised to find that he meant it. He reached a tentative hand forward, brushing gently against Shinya's erection, relishing the noises that such light touches could illicit from the other man. Shinya reached down again, this time grabbing Die's arm and pulling him up until he was lying flat on top of Shinya again, their erections rubbing against each other. For Die this was a whole new sensation, feeling the heat of the other man's body pressed right against his own and it made him dizzy with need. He kissed Shinya all over, everywhere he could reach, their hips rubbing together, each trying to get that little bit more pressure. He was torn between wanting to take Shinya right then and there, and wanting to make this last for the other man, to make him feel as good as he possibly could. The dilemma was fixed for him though when Shinya began to pant.

“I want you, Die. I want you inside me now.”

Die sat up, searching for the bag, spying it on the ground next to the bed. He lifted it, looking to Shinya.

“Where did you put it?”

“In the front pocket.”

Die could feel Shinya's eyes on him as he pulled out the box of condoms and the lubricant, and he willed his hands to stop shaking.

“Let me...” Shinya said, holding out his hand for the condoms. Die handed them over wordlessly, letting Shinya do whatever he wanted. He watched as Shinya tore the packet, pulling the thin sheath out. The younger man sat up a little, moving closer to Die. He placed the condom on the tip of Die's cock, slowly rolling it out a millimetre at a time, watching with an evil grin as Die's face contorted in pleasure every time he squeezed. After what seemed an eternity to Die Shinya finally finished and lay back again, shifting his legs to lay either side of Die. The redhead squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers, leaning in and running his fingers around Shinya's entrance. The sight of Shinya's head tipped back, eyes closed as he moaned in pleasure was doing things to Die that he had never felt before. He slowly slipped a finger in, gently turning and massaging with his other fingers. Shinya remained thoroughly relaxed, so Die pushed in a second finger, causing a louder moan to come from Shinya. Carefully he stretched his fingers, carefully watching for any signs of discomfort but finding none. He slowly pulled his fingers out and retrieved the tube, squeezing more of the cold substance out before tossing it over onto the desk. Quickly he coated his cock before returning to Shinya, hands gripping the younger man's hips as he steadied himself.

“Are you ready?” he asked, more for himself than for Shinya. He was answered by a frantic nod.

“Please, Die. Now.”

Die was only too happy to oblige, and he pressed the head of his cock against Shinya's entrance. Slowly he pushed in, burying himself to the hilt before stopping to adjust to the tight heat. Shinya lifted his legs, hooking one knee over Die's shoulder to allow him a little more depth. Just as slowly Die drew back, almost the entire way out, looking down, watching himself re-enter his lover. He let out a long, low moan as he pushed back in, beginning to set an even rhythm, Shinya pushing back against him. Die clung to Shinya's legs, pushing in and out as the younger man arched his back below him, his fists balling in the sheets. After one thrust Shinya let out a particularly loud moan, and Die tried to repeat the angle, trying to make Shinya feel as good as he was. Suddenly he remembered what he was neglecting, and he reached down and gripped Shinya's erection, pumping his fist in time with his thrusts.

“Die ... faster ...” Shinya moaned, pushing back against Die even harder. Die could feel himself growing closer and closer to his limit with each thrust, and the noises Shinya was making as they sped up were certainly helping to bring him to that point.

“Die, I'm going to...” Die felt Shinya tense, his whole body shuddering as he came, the milky substance spilling over his own stomach and Die's hand. Die was so close himself, and only a few more thrusts into Shinya's tightened body had him coming, calling out Shinya's name before sliding and collapsing on top of the other man. He pulled himself out of Shinya, removing the condom and reaching for a loose piece of paper to wrap it in. He threw it towards the bin, not really noticing or even caring if it went in, before shifting off Shinya to lay next to him, pulling Shinya in and just holding him.

“So how was your first time with a guy?” Shinya asked, a sleepy yet playful tone in his voice.

“So many hundreds of times better than I had ever thought it could be.” Die answered, still somewhat breathless. “But tell me. Doing what you just did ... is it really that good?”

“Better.” Shinya answered immediately. “Being on top is great, but so is being on the bottom. They both have their good points. Maybe one day, if you trust me enough, we can swap.”

“Maybe we can...” Die said, surprised once more to discover that if it was Shinya, there was nothing he wasn't willing to do.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...comments are love ♥

This Will Be Ours, Chapter Eight

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 05:02:51 GMT

Title: This Will Be Ours
Chapters: 8/?
Author: chosha_sama aka nefertari_nz
Genre: AU. Angst. Fluff.
Rating: This chapter R
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, KyoxKaoru, Toshiyax?, OCs
Synopsis: He couldn't believe how hard he was falling for the younger man.
Comments: Things seem to be progressing nicely for now. Yay for them.
Yeah, I fail at comments today.

Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This Will Be Ours, Chapter Eight

The next week passed by in a blur for Die. He and Shinya barely left each others sides doing almost everything together. They spent more time laughing than Die had thought could be possible. He couldn't believe how hard he was falling for the younger man. Ever since they had shared that kiss he had given up on trying to deny it – it was obviously an exercise in futility anyway. Despite how much he had enjoyed kissing Shinya though, Die had held back from kissing him too much. Or even at all. All he allowed himself were pecks on the cheek unless Shinya was the one to initiate it. He couldn't quite figure out why, but he was just too scared to try anything with Shinya. But when the other man would lean in and take one for himself ... well, that was a whole other story. Die was only too willing to oblige then. He stretched his arms over his head, trying to work out the kinks from his shoulders. The week of sleeping on the floor was beginning to take it's toll.

“You know, we can swap. I don't mind sleeping there if you want to take my bed.”

“No, I already told you. It wouldn't be right taking your bed and making you sleep here. And anyway, I'm kind of used to it by now.”

“What's not right is making you sleep there after all you've done for me.”

“I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be.” Die said quietly, allowing his eyes to fall shut. They had been lying in the dark for some time now, just chatting, but he was feeling his tiredness catch up with him. And they had decided to each go back to class tomorrow, so needed to get up early. Which was why he was so surprised to feel Shinya's lips on his, the other man crawling off the bed to kneel next to him. Die's eyes popped open when Shinya pulled away, and in the gloom he saw him smile.

“And what did I do to deserve that?” Die asked playfully.

“Just being you.” Shinya answered simply, stretching himself out to lie next to Die. He rested his head on Die's shoulder, the redhead wrapping his arm around Shinya to pull him closer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“I'm going to sleep here with you tonight. It's not fair for me to have a bed when you don't, and we can't both fit on mine. But we can both fit here.”

“Shin, you can't. You're going back to class tomorrow so you need-”

“Don't tell me what I can and can't do in my own room. And anyway, if you want a more selfish reason, going back to class tomorrow is why I want to sleep next to you tonight. I'm scared about seeing Kaoru, especially if Kyo is there. You make me feel safe again.”

Die couldn't say anything to that, instead pulling Shinya even closer to him. He felt the younger shift, tilting his head up and nuzzling his lips against Die's skin.

“Just let me kiss you a little longer...” Die felt more than heard Shinya whisper. He twisted a little, meeting Shinya's lips, the by now familiar electric shocks running through his body every time Shinya touched him. He moaned a little, feeling himself growing harder and harder with every touch Shinya made, until he couldn't contain himself any more and he flipped Shinya on top of him, wrapping his arms even tighter around the smaller man. Shinya let out a whimper as Die ground his hips upwards, searching for the sign of Shinya's own arousal. Despite the fact that thinking about things like that still made Die feel decidedly odd when he wasn't doing them, he found he just couldn't resist Shinya when he offered himself to him.

Shinya planted his arms on either side of Die's head, his hair falling around both of them. It seemed to Die that this was the most comfortable, the most wanted he had ever felt in his life. He shifted slightly, running his hands down the middle of Shinya's back, gently lifting him to kiss down his neck. Shinya let out a moan that grew louder when Die's hand rested on his arse, pulling him down to rub their erections together.

“Die...” Shinya managed to breath out, pressing even harder against Die as he writhed on top of him. Die groaned again, pressing his face into Shinya's neck, nipping gently at the skin. They had gone this far a couple of times in the preceding week, but this was the first time that Die had seriously entertained the thought of going further. Up until now, if he was being honest with himself, he had been too scared to try anything, to even think of anything else, but now, with Shinya on top of him, with them being so close, it seemed so natural to take things to the next step.

“Shin...” he whispered, continuing to bite and lick at the others neck. “If you keep moving like that and making those noises I won't be able to stop.”

“Who said I wanted you to stop?” Shinya answered breathlessly, pushing his hips down quickly to emphasise his point. Die let out a loud moan, gripping Shinya tighter.

“You don't think it's too fast?” he managed to pant out, lifting his head to search for Shinya's lips again.

“I've wanted you for so long, Die. Longer than you know.” Shinya pulled back, showering Die's face with kisses, shifting his hands to run through Die's hair. “Mm. I love your hair this colour...” he continued.

“What do you mean, longer than I know?” Die asked, confused. Shinya froze, his kisses ceasing as his breath hitched.

“I – I mean ... I just-” Shinya sat up abruptly, shifting off Die to sit on the floor next to him.

“Shin? What's wrong?” Die had no idea what to make of Shinya's sudden change. “You can tell me. What is it?”

Shinya shook his head. “No. It's embarrassing.”

“I'm sure whatever it is, it's not that bad.”

“Trust me Die, you don't want to know.”

“No, but I do, Shinya! I know I haven't told you this, but I like you. I really like you. I want to know all about you.”

“But this isn't really about me. Well, it is, but not just me.”

“Who else is it about then?”

“You, idiot!”

Die grinned as Shinya couldn't refrain from laughing. Die had often found that playing dumb could help lighten the mood a little, so long as he didn't overdo it, and it seemed to have worked as well as he could have hoped this time, too.

“So tell me, what is this big deep dark secret you have about me?” he asked, sitting up to lean against the bed next to Shinya, making sure their shoulders were touching.

“I told you. It's embarrassing.”

“I won't laugh, I promise.”

“And you swear you won't freak out or anything?”

“Ok, now you've got me really wanting to know.”

“But do you promise?”

“Yes, I promise Shin. Now tell me already.”

Shinya sighed. Die heard him take a breath as if about to talk, but there was just silence and then a slow exhalation. Die was just about to give him another nudge when Shinya suddenly spoke up.

“Did you know who I was before we met on the bridge?”

Die cocked his head, puzzled at the question. “No, I don't think so. I'm sure I'd remember meeting someone like you.”

“I didn't think so.” Shinya whispered, and he sounded so sad that Die couldn't help but reach around and pull the younger man closer.

“Hey, it's not that bad, is it? We know each other now.” he said as he placed a kiss on the top of Shinya's head. Shinya shook his head, surprising Die somewhat.

“But I knew you. I didn't know your name, or anything about you, but I knew who you were. I'd see you all the time. I used to rush out of class just to try and see you. It always made me happy.”

“Really? How come I never noticed you?”

“No one ever really does. I'm too quiet. I wish I wasn't, but I am. You always had your head down anyway, always on your way somewhere else.”

“You really watched me?”

“Don't say it like that! It makes me sound like some kind of stalker. It wasn't like that at all.”

“No! I'm actually kind of flattered that someone as hot as you would want to look at me.”

“As hot as me? Hardly. You're the hot one here. I could hardly believe it when I first saw you. I didn't think this place would ever have anyone who's just as ... stunning as you are.”

“Stop it. You'll give me a big head.”

“Ok, I won't say that again.” Shinya said with a grin.

“I was joking!” Die answered. “You can tell me how wonderful I am whenever you feel like it. How's that for generosity.”

“You're so very kind,” Shinya said dryly. “I can hardly believe my luck.”

“Hey, you're the one that started with all the hot talk.”

“Actually, you were. I just said I watched you. Who says it wasn't because you were so funny looking?”

“Well, you just said I was – wait, what was the word? Stunning I believe? - anyway, that's what you said so I think you're lying about the funny looking thing.”

“You're amazingly full of yourself, aren't you?”

“Yep!” Die said happily.

“Die?”

“Yeah?”

“What we were just doing ... I know I kind of ruined the mood just now, but...”

Die waited for Shinya to finish, but the rapidly growing heat he could feel radiating from Shinya's cheeks told him he wasn't going to finish without some encouragement.

“But what, Shinya?”

“Um. Maybe later on, in a couple of days. Maybe we could sort of continue where we left off.”

“Mmmm. I like the sounds of that.” Die said, that feeling of nervous anticipation coiling in his stomach.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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